Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

No idea. DH has never learned to drive, it doesn’t interest him and he’s never needed to. He has a bike, walks or uses public transport and if we’re going somewhere together I drive, I’ll also give him a lift if I’m available and willing but he doesn’t expect it.

Some friends and family still seem baffled by it though, even though it’s always been the case and there was never any indication given that the situation would change.

Yes really. The thousands who work in my London office. Not one of us drives to work but almost all of us have cars.

Then there is my brother who walks 30 mins to work and leaves the car on the drive. My friend who is a doctor and gets the bus provided by work rather than drive. And my friend who uses the train to do various weekend trips across the UK.

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

What tosh.

I’ve never really understand the obsession with driving. I live in a major city with excellent public transport and have no intention of living anywhere that didn’t. Cars are hideously expensive to own and run, I can always Uber when public transport is inconvenient. As for driving limiting me, I have travelled three continents and live in the Netherlands, where the average person has two bikes.

I live in London and have kids and I don’t drive, I manage fine as living in London I know lots of people that don’t drive. I hate the assumption we ask for lifts, I never do and I don’t accept them either but ime people don’t offer them anyway which I wouldn’t expect anyway!

The biggies for me have been taking children to uni with all their stuff and taking elderly relatives to hospital appointments.

Being able to drive is very useful in emergencies. You’re still allowed to use public transport after you’ve passed your driving test.

As you said op, if it isn't impacting others, they should mind their own business.

I definitely wouldn't have learnt to drive if dh hadn't encouraged me. But I definitely couldn't manage without my car now with kids. Transport isn't ideal where i am. I also got the shock of my life a few years ago, dh tripped and hit his head of the ground, blood everywhere. I had to ring him family to bring him to hospital. I definitely don't want to be that dependent on anyone again. But that's our situation

Well there you go - you work in London where it’s much cheaper and easier to commute by public transport than it is to drive. I can guarantee you that it’s not reflected in the rest of the country.

My sister lives in Switzerland, where you can get anywhere (even remote villages or ski stations) by train - immaculate, clean and punctual trains. There are also stunning train rides, like amongst the vineyard or near Montreux. I've also lived in the Netherlands where cycling is so safe and pleasant, you can really go anywhere. In those countries, people who don't drive are not treated as pariahs -gasps- because alternatives to cars are so well developed. I wish people who go on and on about how limiting it is to not drive and how much of a burden non-drivers are to others people would realise this is the result of political choices that have favoured cars in detriments to other modes of transportations.

I have no intention of having a child

I don’t do anything that would require one. If I meet with friends we go into the city centre for a drink so nobody is driving anyway

I didn't get my drivers license until I was 33 as wasnt really interested until then and got it within 6 months (theory and test). Other than my mum no one ever made comments about it. Tell people " wow thank you for offering to pay for my lessons" will shut them right up

I don't find it odd, some people learn to drive, some don't. If you're not inconveniencing anyone by asking for lifts, it's no-ones business except yours. I didn't drive for ages as I had no need. I then moved somewhere rural and began to feel limited by not being able to drive, so learnt. If I moved back to a big city, I'd probably go back to not driving.

I don’t do anything that would require one. If I meet with friends we go into the city centre for a drink so nobody is driving anyway

So who are all these people commenting to you?!

I can drive and don't give a crap if other people can't, it's up to them and it literally wouldn't ever come up, unless they were asking for lifts.

You have limited yourself to never move somewhere without such infrastructure. It also impacts your ability to travel. This is a fairly significant life choice. It’s fine, people make life choices all the time. It’s just not one most people have an easy time understanding.

I managed a lovely day trip to a Yorkshire town this summer with buses and trains with my friend who also doesn’t drive. It didn’t limit us at all, we just had to put 5 minutes into searching routes and coped absolutely fine. You’d think everyone was wandering around lost before modern women had cars 😂

Why can’t you drive? It’s a good skill to have. It might suit you right now, not needing to drive, if you have good transport links where you live however have you considered what will happen with age or any type of debilitation? You might not rely on others for now but life doesn’t always pan out how we plan and you might well be grateful to other drivers if you need a lift to the doctor or shops for some food.

The recent thing that prompted this thread was a friend asked a favour for childcare which involved dropping her LO to nursery “5 minute drive away” and was put out that I reminded her I’d be happy to push a pram to but don’t drive which she didn’t think was okay.

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I used to live in a place with decent public transport so never needed to learn to drive. Since COVID, the service has gone totally to pot - I started to learn to drive after a full month of my bus home being cancelled at the last minute, leaving me stranded for over an hour in the dark. I'd far rather take the bus than have to drive to be honest but it's just not an option while the service is so shoddy.

The recent thing that prompted this thread was a friend asked a favour for childcare which involved dropping her LO to nursery “5 minute drive away” and was put out that I reminded her I’d be happy to push a pram to but don’t drive which she didn’t think was okay.

In that case, if someone really is commenting at you about how annoying it is for HER that you can't drive, I honestly wouldn't give a crap! Just laugh and say, 'oh dear, sorry, that's why I chose childcare that I can walk to!' or whatever.

@Ponderingwindow

I'm 60 and have never driven.
I'm not privileged to live somewhere with good public transport becsuse this is where I have chosen to live.
Im not limiting myself because I have no wish to live in rural areas. I want to be able to walk to the cinema, theatre, corner shop for a pint of milk. I'm a city person so this is where I live and I will never live anywhere else but a city.
Nor have I limited my job opportunities, I have worked in the civil service, several quangos, 2 local authorities, 2 universities, 2 FE colleges and a charity. Ive commuted to three other cities, including London. What I did learn very early was that I had no wish to spend my life commuting so chose to work reasonably locally, including all the above opportunities.
As for travel, I've travelled across north and west Africa and large parts of east and southern Africa. Ive taken my son all over the UK by public transport, across the Atlas mountains on a bus and crossed the Gambia river in a canoe. I don't feel Ive held him back.
These threads come up frequently and are quite frankly tedious. Those of us who don't drive seem to be quite capable of understanding that there are places in the UK where there is little or no public transport and that driving is a necessity. We dont have a problem with that. Drivers however don't seem to be able to grasp that some of us choose to live in cities and can arrange our lives accordingly.

I live in a city. Unless I want to go to the centre I have to take two buses and it takes a long time - some places I could not go at all. If you live in London, or Sheffield or Manchester you are probably ok for public transport, and when I lived in Blackpool the tram system was wonderful but transport e.g. to Windermere was a bit lacking, though one could book a coach, and I am not sure how I'd have got to the forest of Boland etc. Cities other than those I listed are not so well served by public transport, unfortunately. I wish I could use public transport as I did when I lived in London, but I can't, mostly.

I drive and quite enjoy driving itself, but I don’t do it every day. I live in in London (albeit outer) so I don’t really need it every day.

But if I go to places a bit further away it’s nice to have, especially as trains can be crap on a Sunday (or many other times!).

I don't like driving but I think it's an important skill. I don't really understand how you can ever get anywhere unless you (or your partner) can drive. I have a friend who learnt when he 25 and before then he'd basically never been anywhere that wasn't on public transport, for me having grown up somewhere without public transport, this was wild to me.

YANBU I also don't drive and am in my 40's with three kids. I'll never learn to drive, I hate cars and avoid getting in one unless it's absolutely essential like a taxi to the hospital. The comments I find most irritating are the offers of lifts for my kids as if I've terribly inconvenienced them by making them walk places. They've never had a playdate without the parent saying they'll drop my kids home as if they're doing us a great favour, no thanks I wouldn't have accepted if I couldn't walk there to collect them and I don't want my kids lives risked to avoid a 10 minute walk. I don't understand the obsession with cars they are so dangerous.

Because about 70% of mumsnet issues would be far easier to deal with if the op could drive. It’s hugely limiting. It’s fine you don’t mind it but experience has told me that not driving causes difficulties that drivers don’t face. You need to get you or your loved one/friend to A&E late at night, what would you do?