Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Oh of course drivers can get the train if they want to. Hardly any of my driver friends would get the train into London for example. But other than that they nearly always choose to drive. Even to the shops which are 10/15mins walk away. Which I find odd.

Its just interesting how so many drivers on this thread have mentioned PT delays, when I find traffic affecting cars to be much more of a problem where I live.

Probably depends which rail network you live near. Mine is dreadful. I only really use the train for work, and nearly every time there’s a disaster. I got stranded hours from home on my way home from work, no trains running due to tree on the line, no one at the stations knew what to do, no plans in place, nothing. The next time I was stuck waiting in the cold on a platform for an hour because our train couldn’t take the diversion necessary due to issues further up the line. Many times trains are randomly cancelled just before they’re due to turn up. Frequently they are late. It’s a miracle when they actually turn up on time abs arrive at destination, but even when they do I still find the journey unpleasant.

I have lived in central London and always preferred to walk where possible rather than getting on the tube. Trains to London are excruciatingly expensive though! Much cheaper to drive if you have somewhere to leave a car (I have a friend not too far from London where I could leave my car, then tube in)

I agree with this post. I often finish work on a Friday evening and go and visit friends an hour away for a night or two. If I had to get a train, I would have to uber it to the train station (£ and time), get on a train (if it wasn't cancelled as has often been the case in my experience) which would take about an hour, and then uber from train station to their house. Walking while carrying an overnight bag is not impossible but certainly wouldn't be pleasant. This would set me back about £50 depending on pricing of ubers and train and I would be arriving much later (and likely very stressed) than if I jump in the car, straight on the motorway.

And my dog who accompanies me to friend's most of the time is TERRIFIED of trains and train stations-not a pleasant travelling companion.

I have another friend who lives out in the countryside, I often visit her for the weekend. I would have to get an uber from here to the train station, train to nearest city, train from that city to her nearest city, then a bus to her nearest village and uber to her house or a (very expensive) uber from said city to her house, lugging my bags.

If I were very lucky and all of these trains and buses existed and were actually running that night,I might arrive around 23:00. As opposed to jumping in my car at 17:30 and arriving at hers around 20:00 give or take, without any stress.

I went into my nearest city, for drinks so not driving a few months ago and was harassed, stared at and had 'motions' made at me by a complete creep sitting some spaces away. I have been left stranded in a city a good hour away when the last train cancelled. I have taken a bus from a hospital (I had gone with my DP inthe ambulance so was car-less) well, more accurately, two buses and they were filthy and full of folk who stank. I had a train 'connection' fail and had to spend the night in a hotel before too and a different time ended up taking a taxi from the next city over as the 'connecting' train was delayed by over an hour and I needed to get home.

I do take buses and trains on occasion, usually if going out for drinks/meals involving alcohol but for anything else, each time I get PT I am reminded of why I generally do not.

Sorry to derail but we are going to the highlands for the first time for a minibreak soon. Sleeper to Inverness and then hiring a car for a few days (!!). We are doing two nights in Skye. Is that too much?

You can see the Highlands and Islands by train, but I would dispute it’s the best way. We used to go to Skye every year by car. Over the past couple of years we’ve been going to the Highlands (Wester Ross) to a cottage there a week and Skye for a week. We spread the journey there and back over four nights, obviously sharing the driving. usually stay in Stafford or Telford, Carlisle, Glencoe or Fort William and Poolewe in Wester Ross. We do a bit of island hopping by ferry while on Skye too. I really would not want to be dependent on public transport in that part of the world, there are so many places off the beaten track.

I was a late learner
Started driving in my 40s. I had literally no interest or need to drive before then.
Live in one of the UKs biggest cities. Public transport is very good. I can get trains and buses anywhere from where I live. Major supermarkets within a ten min walk.
Work is approx 6 miles away.
Schools walking distance.
People have always been very interested, to the point of rudeness, that I didnt drive. I think many people thought I'd tried and failed. I hadn't.
Lots of comments if someone saw me leave work and walk to the train station or bus stop. Offering me lifts that I didn't want!!
Absolutely gobsmacked that I might have to catch a bus or 2!! Like I was travelling home on a bloody donkey or something.
It got to the stage where I made up excuses that I was having a detour elsewhere.
I eventually learned ( long story but boring)hated it. I found it quite difficult but passed first time.
I have a car.
Honestly sometimes think I shouldn't have bothered. It's useful at times. I can do lots of short journeys quickly like dropping kids off etc. It's certainly not essential.DH has a car.
I very rarely have a lift from him either, unless I'm going to the pub with mates ( and we all drink).
Or family hols as he has a big car.
I still prefer to walk when I can.
I can get to any part of the UK by public transport.
I get those who live off grid need a car. But I don't!!
As for getting a a car for these mysterious tip runs( never needed to go like ever)
Or hypothetical A &E visits😀🤐really do people buy cars 'just in case'. Hilarious.

@Heyyaheyya I don't know why people think it OK to be so ill mannered about someone not driving. When I was 24 a colleague told me it was ridiculous to have got to my age and not have a driving licence. I learned and passed my test a year later, but have never found driving particularly helpful. My bike allows me to bop around all over, without having to think about parking. On foot I can listen to audiobooks and don't even have to find somewhere to lock up my bike. For longer journeys I like PT. The only time I do much driving is when we occasionally do a long drive (we mostly choose train), in which case I do half, partly to take some of the weight off my DH and partly because I dislike being car passenger even more than I dislike driving. So I suppose there's occasional use for my driving, but to say a world should have opened up is an overstatement, weird even. I like your donkey remark 😄

I think your middle paragraph highlights one of the barriers to both sides communicating in this driving question. You're assuming that it's like an on, off switch, you either can or can't drive. The reality is more nuanced and, both immediately post test and also afterwards, there's quite a range of confidence levels. Just as there are people who never manage to pass a test, some drivers, perfectly competent on UK roads, would never hire a car overseas and take on not only different road layouts, but also the wrong side of the road and car. (There are also those who forge ahead despite not being capable. One day, on a roundabout near Stansted I met a car coming the wrong way round.) Some people don't like motorways while others don't like driving round unfamiliar towns. So there are degrees of usefulness. Not everyone can drive here there and everywhere.

I think it can also be because non drivers always use the ‘public transport’ excuse to be late or to inconvenience others.
Really, @seasid because I remember arriving at the hotel I used to work at to serve breakfast and the ones who made it on time were me (who cycled) and those who used public transport. Others arrived late complaining that their car wouldn't start in the cold weather.

and whilst you do say that you never ask for lifts etc, is that actually correct?
Outside of work (where taxis are provided for transfers between depots outside of service hours, regardless of whether you have your own car or not) I haven't set foot in a car or taxi in three and a half months. And that time was a taxi between our accommodation and a remote castle in Tuscany for a wedding (all four of us had driving licences but we wanted to enjoy ourselves, not drive).

What if you’re with people, you’re never the sober driver or have to think about that.
The idea of driving to go for a drink bewilders me. If you're using public transport, walking to the local pub, staying in accommodation near where you're going drinking, or simply chipping in to share a taxi then no one needs to be the designated driver, so you can all have fun together. Rather than taking it in turns to be the miserable one.

If you go to work and public transport is not running, you’re likely getting a lift off family/friend or a colleague.
My shifts can start or finish at any time of the day or night. I cycle to work.

The second paragraph rant was more directed at the thread at large.

On the subject of busy roads, would you like to know why they're so busy and dangerous? Yep, all of the bloody cars.

This is true. Mil doesn’t drive anymore but when she did she wouldn’t go on motorways, drive in the dark or reverse. Not driving is the right choice for her but she’d say herself that her anxiety about driving is limiting.

We were once stuck in a New York airport with 3 young dc and flights cancelled. After 24 hours of zero customer service and only our suitcases making a flight to Chicago we hired a car and drove 11 hours. It wasn’t ideal as I’m a planner but it was do that or miss seeing family I’d not seen for 10 years. I drove through manhattan. I don’t advise it, but thank God we could.

A lot of people just drive because that's how they assume that they should get there. They haven't even considered any other options. The T10 takes half an hour to get from Bangor station to Llyn Ogwen, another half hour to Betws. From home I could be there in an hour and a half by train and bus (surprisingly the connection in Betws is very convenient, knowing TfW this will be accident rather than design). Car would take about an hour with all of the stress of finding a parking space, and none of the flexibility to do a point-to-point journey to the next valley rather than having to return to the same place.

A colleague was speaking to the driver of the T10 bus on a bank holiday weekend. He'd had to call the police because people had parked on a blind bend on a clearway. One of the biggest issues with buses is that they get delayed by cars.

It's a beautiful part of the world and the sleeper is definitely the way to get there. I've less experience of Inverness than the West Highlands I'm afraid.

We travelled from Paris to Nice this year on the Intercities de Nuit. The couchettes were a little dated but Caledonian Sleeper stock is all pretty new. There was a British family with three daughters (five, seven and nine years old) in the next compartment. They (particularly the middle daughter who revelled in having been on a train [Eurostar] that went under the sea) absolutely loved the experience.

My cousin, her husband and two daughters (one four, the other 18 months old) went Interrailing via Germany to Italy this summer.

Same. I know how to drive, well at least in countries that drive on the other side but not in the UK. I just didn’t like it and the many bad experiences didn’t help either as a passenger. I grew up watching how much it stressed out my parents, constantly cursing at bad drivers. Been in a minor car accident, my mum was also in one where she needed a brand new car, been in cars where there was an issue out of nowhere and having to wait hours for help from family members and/or rely on the kindness of strangers, spending hours in traffic especially when we travel to see DH’s family. I’ve been let down more by cars than I have by public transport.

DH and I have missed or had to cancel things because we’ve been stuck in traffic or a journey that should take 4-5 hs taken 10-12 due to roadworks and detours.

The only person who has ever commented was a woman at my son’s school because she saw me walking with the pram to a shop that was 30 minutes walk away. It’s a lovely walk and there’s a park nearby to take the kids to. Not sure why it bothered her when I’m happy to walk. I didn’t have any other plans and the weather was pleasant.

Think it is one of those things where some people can’t fathom that if they wouldn’t want to do something others wouldn’t either in her case.

See @seasid I find this so weird. I'm 51, so not a kid. I don't go out with anyone that drives out, occasionally, mums from school but not real friends, most people I know would find concept of 'designated driver' most odd, people get taxis. Work in London, train from town an hour away. I can't remember last time I accepted a lift, in fact, not sure I ever have in my life. Parents used to want to pick me up from station, always used to get taxi regardless. My sister maybe when I was in my twenties and used to visit, I always tried to get taxi but occasionally she would outfox me. I just don't really know people who drive in my circle I guess.

Should say ever have happily accepted a lift. As I say, my sister back in the day. I do also have one friend at home whose husband always picks her up from the pub and on the once a decade night out we have I accept a lift from him as he acts very offended if I don't. Have to say, I hate it, find it bizarrely infantilising and can't help secretly judging lack of independence a bit. So maybe I'm just as guilty about judging in reverse.

Just don't go anywhere near his car if he is 'acting offended'.

11.30pm comes, your friend says, 'I've text Jim, he's outside-do you want a lift?

You-'no, I'm fine-say thanks and hi to him though, and hug her and leave-not going anywhere near the car to talk to Jim-just wave cheerily from afar if you happen to go that way and keep walking'

If you hate getting lifts and feel infantilised by it, take steps to avoid it.

I think what comes across really clearly is just a lack of imagination about other people's lives!

The only person who ever gives me a lift anywhere is my dad from the station in his town to his house - because he insists and it makes him happy, not because I couldn't get there another way.

Certainly none of my friends would want to drive on a night out!

@Shinyandnew1 this is a once in a decade event, not a biggie. And genuinely just trying to be nice to an old friend. I don't necessarily mean infantilised by that very rare occurrence - which would be a slight overreaction, I mean infantilised generally when somebody offers a lift. I was making the point that lots of us don't like lifts as there seems to be an assumption that we seek them out!

I think I may be a bit different to some non-drivers in my get from Ato B. I enjoy winging it more than the joy of planning. I find that really annoys some drivers who like to try and help plan a route as if I'm incapable of working it out as I go along.

And no, I'm not late to stuff. I'm talking about when no time pressure, if going away on my own etc. My BIL in particular cannot get his head around it. I travel up to see my football team play regularly- I don't aim for a particular train, vary the route depending on where I fancy stopping along the way, sometimes get the coach for a change. He gets twitchy on my behalf but I like a journey, pretty much as much as the destination.

@ishimbob exactly that, my parents used to really want to - and I feel I deprived them of feeling they were taking care of me, but I preferred to just arrive, then you start convo afresh rather than 'pre-empt' in the car. I find talking in the car highly awkward, and stilted, and not relaxing. Also want drivers to pay attention to road! Hate lifts!!

I don’t drive and have one ex friend that used to mention it constantly. Which I could never understand why, On the odd occasion we did meet up I would have a drink . So wouldn’t drive even if I could . But then again she use to drink and drive so not someones option I respected . And she never use to give me lift either so don’t understand why it bothered her so much

I can't understand why so many of you think non drivers are raging alcoholics whose one aim in life is to get drunk at evenings out and then be driven home by friends. My friend, who has never had the slightest intention of learning to drive, is teetotal.

It sounds stunning, another one in my to do list

Wow!

Doesn’t bother me, unless it’s one of those women with children who expect everyone else to take their kids to/from after-school or weekend activities. I knew one such with SIX, who’d sit peacefully at home with a glass of wine like Lady Muck, while others ferried her blasted kids about in busy rush hour traffic. 🤬