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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

596 replies

OneGreatSheep · 09/09/2025 18:36

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 09/09/2025 18:39

She does and will of course favour her daughter over you. But it sounds like she disagrees with your lifestyle choice to have 5 children.

what happens when your husband asks her to help?

Tontostitis · 09/09/2025 18:39

Yabvvvvvvu I do loads of childcare for my dgc but honestly I think you made that bed you lie in it I'm in my 60s no way and my helping with five kids!!! Sorry but I'd much rather be at the other house with the two children.

Greggsit · 09/09/2025 18:40

You are going to get hammered on here for daring to have 5 kids.

SirBasil · 09/09/2025 18:41

Sil is her daughter? You, to be blunt, are a "random woman" who just happened to marry har son.

Of course she favours her own flesh and blood. That's just how it is I'm afraid

Cookiecrumblepie · 09/09/2025 18:42

I think your MIL should help. They’re her son’s children. He chose to have five kids, so she should treat her son and daughter equally

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/09/2025 18:43

Whether you chose to have one child or 5 children, you chose to have them not your MIL - therefore you should never expect anyone except for you or your husband to look after your children Unless you are paying for that help i.e. nanny / childminder / Nursery / Au Pair etc.

Why didn't you send your eldest to go to the shops ?

SirBasil · 09/09/2025 18:44

But MIL didn't choose to have t kids. O may have missed it but where was DH in all this?

Changedasouting · 09/09/2025 18:44

Why didn’t you send one of the older ones and why did you need to take all the kids with you

Rtmhwales · 09/09/2025 18:45

These comments are sad. My mum helps out equally between me and my brother and sister in law. Because they’re all her grandchildren equally. Presumably the older two don’t need much minding so it’s 2 versus 3 kids.

Oh well, you reap what you sow. I’d stop engaging with her all together and she can arrange anything through her son (who’s never home) and see the kids with him.

Flakey99 · 09/09/2025 18:45

Helping with 5 kids? You’ve got to be joking.

At my age, I could manage 2 at a push but I wouldn’t be keen to look after 5 boisterous kids on my own, even for 5 minutes.

Presumably it’s a more enjoyable atmosphere at SIL’s?

Mutability · 09/09/2025 18:45

Don’t blame her.

I can’t help but wonder why you have so many kids? Why can’t the eldest help out while you pop to the shop or go to the shop for you?

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/09/2025 18:46

Yabu

She has a right to be tired and not want to suddenly have either going out for nappies or childcare sprung on her.

Ds 16 surely could have sat with the other kids and you just have taken 15 month old?

Yes its tough having 5 kids but maybe your husband needs to also step up when he is at home.

Helping out as a parent/inlaw should be a choice and not an expectation

HonoriaBulstrode · 09/09/2025 18:46

ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

Why on earth did you have to drag them all out? The 16 yo and 13 yo would be fine at home, and they could have kept an eye on the 8 yo, maybe even the 4 yo, for the time it would take you to nip to Tesco for nappies.

BartonInthebeans · 09/09/2025 18:46

SirBasil · 09/09/2025 18:41

Sil is her daughter? You, to be blunt, are a "random woman" who just happened to marry har son.

Of course she favours her own flesh and blood. That's just how it is I'm afraid

Her grandchildren are her flesh and blood though, if that's the only reason anyone would want to help out, then her grandchildren already meet that criteria?

Seems such a shame if that what's stopping her, I love my in-laws despite not being blood-related and if I can ease another mum's load from time to time of course I'll do it. From her post it's not like OP is asking her to take on a weekly childcare commitment.

watchingthesnowfall · 09/09/2025 18:46

Why did you need to drag them all out? Is your 16 year old not capable of looking after his siblings while you pop out for nappies? Or at least the older ones?

Dillydollydingdong · 09/09/2025 18:46

Five boys!!! OMG! I'm sorry but I can understand why mil doesn't want to get involved. I think in a situation where you HAVE to pop out (how far away is Tesco's?) I'd tell the 16 year old to keep an eye on the littlies. Don't ASK him, TELL him. He's old enough.

SausageRoll2020 · 09/09/2025 18:47

Use a service like deliveroo in an emergency or just learn to plan better so you aren't running out of things so often.
It's not your MiL's job to run around after you.

Tubestrike · 09/09/2025 18:48

They sound like quite a handful, maybe it's too much for her , does she ever just visit?

TomatoSandwiches · 09/09/2025 18:48

If she's tired she's tired, it would be nice of her to help out or pop out to get the nappies but she doesn't have to.

How did you not know until late that you had no nappies left? Could your husband not have brought some back on the way home?

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/09/2025 18:49

Why would you drag them all out? I’d have taken the two youngest and left the older two to keep an eye out for the 8 year old. That’s assuming I couldn’t bride the oldest to watch the two younger kids for 10 minutes.

Tontostitis · 09/09/2025 18:49

Cookiecrumblepie · 09/09/2025 18:42

I think your MIL should help. They’re her son’s children. He chose to have five kids, so she should treat her son and daughter equally

There is no should in the grandparent handbook. You are lucky if they help as many, many of us do willingly and happily but it's exhausting looking after children in your 60s and 70s and 5 is asking too much.

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2025 18:50

There is always a woman to blame for any situation isn’t there? The male in this situation gets off Scott free. 🙄 Your older two children could’ve been given a fiver and sent to the local shop in an emergency.

Yes it would be nice for MIL to help out but maybe your DH is a lazy shit in his relationship with her too and the dd actually bothers?

CarpetKnees · 09/09/2025 18:50

Another confused by the OP.

Why would you "drag them all out" ? Confused
Surely you'd either send one of the teens, or they would mind the little ones whilst you pop out.

Though running out of nappies AGAIN sounds like a significant lack of organisation.

There is also the point that you have chosen to have 5 dc.
It's not like you were having a third and it turned out to be triplets.

dodobedo · 09/09/2025 18:50

You should have left the 16 year old in charge. Thats how it works, the older kids look after the younger ones.

Pricelessadvice · 09/09/2025 18:51

Perhaps if you hadn’t had 5 children, you wouldn’t be in this position.
I’m guessing your MIL has strong opinions about your large family. Surely you knew 5 kids was going to be pretty full on?