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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

596 replies

OneGreatSheep · 09/09/2025 18:36

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

OP posts:
smallpinecone · 09/09/2025 19:04

You’re being totally unreasonable, yes.

It was your choice to have five children. Why have more than you can manage? You can’t impose on other people now and expect help - if she wanted to, she’d offer. What your MIL does for anyone else is irrelevant here.

I had four and no family support at all as they’re all abroad. It’s tough when they’re different ages and stages, but this is what you chose, so you have to get on with it.

DorothyStorm · 09/09/2025 19:04

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 09/09/2025 19:00

Why is a 16 year old vaping?

Wrong question. Why is it considered acceptable by his parents to the extent he is freely vaping in the house?

ItsameLuigi · 09/09/2025 19:04

WhiskyintheJarr · 09/09/2025 19:01

Because 5 kids is too many to properly parent. I should know, I’m one of five. My mum was so overwhelmed when we were teens she barely knew which way was up.

Edited
Show quote history

Youngest of only 3 and can agree lol. My mum gave up parenting by the time I was 12 and my siblings were 18/19. I had tattoos and piercings, dyed hair, smoked fags, smoked weed, drank all the time under 16. Couldn't imagine if she'd have had 5 of us.

WhiskyintheJarr · 09/09/2025 19:04

How do you work fewer hours with five kids? Who could honestly afford that? Why is this always trotted out?

Sometimessmiling · 09/09/2025 19:04

5 kids, yes it's harsh but you and your husband decided on 5 so it's both of your responsibility to look after them. Husband needs to do more. It's cheeky to expect your MIL to contribute to their care.

JHound · 09/09/2025 19:04

OneGreatSheep · 09/09/2025 18:36

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

YABU

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 09/09/2025 19:05

DorothyStorm · 09/09/2025 19:04

Wrong question. Why is it considered acceptable by his parents to the extent he is freely vaping in the house?

Show quote history

Correctly rephrased.
This.

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/09/2025 19:05

Sounds like she does actually help out if you are asking once a month and with football

I don't blame her for wanting to drop everything if she has had a busy day.

She has a right to be tired and not what to unexpectedly and suddenly go shopping or babysit

chipsandpeas · 09/09/2025 19:06

why did you need to drag them all out, couldnt the 16 year old keep an eye on them and you just take the 2 youngest

ContraryNoodle · 09/09/2025 19:06

Wow, you are entitled! You chose to have 5 children. That is on you.

Evaka · 09/09/2025 19:06

You do paint a picture of a pretty rowdy home OP! I'd be avoiding sadly.

Nosleepforthismum · 09/09/2025 19:07

You can order nappies on Just Eat or similar if you are ever stuck again.

smallpinecone · 09/09/2025 19:07

Why are so many people suggesting the older boys look after the younger ones? They’re children too - and they didn’t choose to have these young siblings, they’re not required to pick up the slack for their parents - they should be concentrating on schoolwork, not babysitting because their mum can’t get it together and has run out of nappies. It’s so unfair on them.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 09/09/2025 19:07

If MIL stopped at 2 DC, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to be with 5 kids at a time.

WearyAuldWumman · 09/09/2025 19:08

Sorry, but I wouldn't want to look after 5 boys in your MIL's place. It's hard enough at your age; damn near impossible at her age.

KateMiskin · 09/09/2025 19:08

No way would I ever babysit 5 boys. My BIL has 3 and I get a headache after half an hour.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/09/2025 19:09

I wouldn't look after five kids either, no matter who they belonged to.

Sorry OP, but you're being unreasonable. If you can't cope then DH either needs to work less or you need to pay for someone to help you.

AhBiscuits · 09/09/2025 19:09

I wouldn't be falling over myself to look after 5 kids either. That's a lot to ask of someone.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/09/2025 19:10

It all sounds very chaotic. Get nappies on subscription and your husband vasectomy.

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/09/2025 19:10

smallpinecone · 09/09/2025 19:07

Why are so many people suggesting the older boys look after the younger ones? They’re children too - and they didn’t choose to have these young siblings, they’re not required to pick up the slack for their parents - they should be concentrating on schoolwork, not babysitting because their mum can’t get it together and has run out of nappies. It’s so unfair on them.

They aren't doing school work though..they are playing xbox and one of them vaping.

I don't think its unacceptable to ask older kids to help out once in a while

My kids are expected to alternate walking the dog, doing dishes and basic tidying as they are a part of the family and can handle the responsibility

A 16 year old can easily be asked to keep an ear out for their younger siblings whilst mum nips out to grab nappies

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/09/2025 19:11

Yanbu to expect the same help as your sil

Yabu to expect help though because you have 5, your husband works long hours, your eldest is unhelpful, and you maybe didn't plan properly for what nappies you needed. These are all factors within your control.

I know I'd struggle to look after that many kids at once, maybe she does as well.

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2025 19:11

I wonder if the DH sends his mother a card and flowers on Mother’s Day? Does he visit her I wonder?

Original poster
OneGreatSheep · 09/09/2025 19:12

get what ppl are saying but its not like i dump all 5 on her for hours, it was literally i needed 10 mins to run tesco n back. ended up dragging them all out in the rain, ds4 screaming cos his wellies hurt and ds5 wouldnt sit in the buggy so i had him on my hip the whole time. ds2 was messing about kicking puddles, ds3 sulking cos i said no sweets. by the time we got back the baby was soaked, i was soaked and ds1 had gone out so i couldnt even leave him here.

dh never answers his phone when hes “working late” so its always on me. i just think she could of done that one little thing, but instead i feel like she doesnt even want to know my 2 littlest.

OP posts:
Azandme · 09/09/2025 19:13

You let your 16 yo vape in the house? You let two of them refuse to help out and glue themselves to technology? Yet you think your MIL should help you out?

I think you should sort your teens out! There's no way my teenager would get away with any of that! She'd moan, but so what?

Vaping IN the house?! Maybe your mil just doesn't agree with your parenting style.

Pinkelephant66 · 09/09/2025 19:14

SirBasil · 09/09/2025 18:41

Sil is her daughter? You, to be blunt, are a "random woman" who just happened to marry har son.

Of course she favours her own flesh and blood. That's just how it is I'm afraid

What? The kids are her own flesh and blood- they are her sons children. Her grandchildren. Why should she favour her daughter’s children?

yes, people shouldn’t expect help, but you’re not asking for much in my opinion. Just some nappies?! You sound swamped- you can’t just ‘pop’ out to get them like she presumably could. It doesnt sounds like she helps at all so I think best to cut your losses. It’s her loss really if she doesn’t have much of a relationship with her grandchildren anyway