to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

Why did you have so many kids?

If you want to nip out for 10 minutes and you can’t leave your 16 year old in charge that’s not on her.

To be fair, from the description of your boys, I wouldn't be in a rush to help out either. 5 boys is a lot. Are your parents more hands on?

Why should someone drop everything with no notice to look after five kids, whether they're a grandparent or not?

My own mum lives 10 minutes away and I wouldn't ask her to do this after she's had a long day already. Presuming she is in her 60s or 70s, they get tired and I don't think it's fair to ask them to come out for something like that when they've just got in for the evening. And the majority of people in her age can't really handle five boys, or even two or three at a time sometimes!

It seems like there are a number of other options here - your DH could be more helpful, as could your two older boys, and you could also just keep really on top of nappy supplies. And in an emergency, you could also get a Whoosh delivery or similar for 2.99? I don't really think it should fall to your MIL to step in for something like this, when you have the ability to sort it/avoid it yourselves.

Wow

Is there a reason older two can’t help?

You could send your 16 yr old to the store. Or have them watch the other kids if it’s for 10 mins only.

Your dh is a parent and needs to up his game. You choose to let it fall on you . Stop hassling mil, its your problem you can't deal with the kids, not hers , get your husband to do his share. You had the kids you deal with them . Yabvu to blame the mil for not taking the grandkids

Unkind and harsh

I sort of agree, but it's having more kids than you cope with, or the entitlement of expecting others to help, that is the problem.

It's valid though. Five kids is a lot and OP clearly isn't coping.

OP your husband doesn’t even want to help look after his own kids, why do you think his mother would?!

dh never answers his phone when hes “working late” so its always on me.

dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

You need to stop blaming your MIL for you having a tough life and look closer to home.
Your MIL owes you nothing regardless of what she does for her own daughter. Why should she step up to look after her son’s kids when he’s not doing it himself?

I love children and have minded many, but I think this job would be too much for me.

5 children I could work with every so often, but 5 (seemingly) unruly children is a straight NOPE! Screaming, screeching, vaping are all things that would drive me nuts.

I'd pick the nappies up and drop them to you if possible though.

I don’t think you should be letting the16 yo be “moody” - one of the older two could have gone for the nappies (bribe them with a bit of extra cash if you really have to) or the 16 yo could have been left in charge. No need to drag them all out (this really puzzles me, because even if they couldn’t be trusted to either go alone or babysit, why did the 16 yo and 13 yo have to come?)

You shouldn’t be letting him vape either.

And your DH seems to get off very lightly - surely he should be doing his share!

This seems to be a slight mountain out of the molehill which was you and your DH not having enough nappies in. I agree with the others that grandmothers are bound to prefer their own child to their child’s spouse - so if it’s just you asking your MIL and she knows she’s not helping her son, she’s bound to prefer her own daughter.

But I don’t think grandparents should be expected to help out, especially if that means entering into a chaotic atmosphere and managing five kids. However if I was your MIL I might have got the nappies for you as a one off.

Genuinely confused why you could leave the older ones at home and just take the baby?! Or why the 16 year old couldn’t pop to shop for you. I send my 12 year old to the shops if we need something!

And no your MIL owes you nothing. She probably also can’t understand why your older kids can’t be more helpful. Also if you don’t have a supportive husband which hog imply then why have 5 kids.

Finally when I have been in this situation but with 3 kids under 5 I just did a Deliveroo and ordered nappies to be delivered.

Hi OP, I can't believe how harsh some of these responses are.
You have every right to ask your MIL for some interim support, your children are her gc.
You are not asking for frequent support or cc, just some temporary support.
I am unsure why she feels it is OK to have such an imbalance between yours and her other gc.
And it is irrelevant and no one's business how many children you have.
Take care OP

I think I'd be angrier at your DH than your MIL. Whilst it would be nice if she were able to help out, she's not required to, and I can understand her being too tired/overwhelmed to want to care for the baby - it's tiring when you're only in your 30s, let alone after that!

It sounds like your DH has checked out and some serious conversations need to be had about him "working late". I'd also start expecting more responsible behaviour from your oldest children - it's not on for a 16 year old to stay in his room vaping all the time. They should be perfectly capable of either watching their siblings for 10min while you go to the shop, or going to the shop for you. Actually, maybe it's worth a few conversations with everyone, as a family, about individual responsibilty and all chipping in to make sure you aren't the only person doing everything.

And I’m wondering why you didn’t go to Tesco with the youngest, before collecting the 8 and 4 year olds from school?

We really need to bring back the laugh response.

I am a GM and I have to say I would balk at coming over to help too. Your issue should be with your older kids and why at almost adult age you cannot trust them to watch their younger siblings for a few minutes while you pop out to get nappies. Or ask your DH to get some on his way home. Of course it is going to be easier for her to watch 2 children rather than 5. Making a choice to have a large family is going to impact on others willingness to help you out.

I have a feeling that there's a massive back story here...

Harsh and unnecessary

It’s a tough one really. You can’t force someone to offer to help if they don’t want to and I can see why MIL is tired if she runs around after SILs kids to the extent you say she does and I can understand her not wanting to add to that workload. Put simply, she did her time as a parent long ago, so to most people, offering regular practical help to seven grandchildren (at least, unless there’s more from another sibling?) is a bloody big ask.
Also, and I don’t mean this to be cruel, your sons sound as though they may well be quite difficult at times. A 16 year old who you seem to be implying is somewhat out of control, vaping in the house and being ‘moody’/disappearing etc, the middle ones also being moody or having meltdowns etc and of course a 15 month old is always going to be full on.
It’s hard when you feel like you’re doing it all on your own. Do you think that maybe some of your ire directed at MIL is actually more towards your husband? You keep putting working late or long hours etc in quotation marks. What’s the issue there?
I may have missed it but do you parents help out?