to expect mil to help out sometimes with the kids??

[OneGreatSheep]

so bit of a rant but feel like im going mad… ive got 5 boys (16, 13, 8, 4 and baby whos 15 months) and honestly its non stop. dh works “long hours” 🙄 and when he is home hes knackered so its all on me.

mil lives literally 10 mins away and is always round at sil’s (she only has 2 kids and shes a sahm!) helping with school runs, babysitting, even does her ironing!! yet when i ask for the odd favour its like im being cheeky.

tonight i just wanted to nip tesco cos weve ran out of nappies AGAIN and ds5 was screaming, ds4 having a meltdown cos his uniform itched and ds3 shouting on xbox, and ds1 refusing to come with me cos hes “busy revising” (aka on tiktok 🙄). i texted mil and she said she couldnt cos she was “tired” after helping sil all day. ended up dragging them all out in the rain just for nappies.

aibu to think she should help me out once in a while?? its not like i ask every day, but feels like she favours sil and her kids and im drowning over here.

Get your FIL to help.

Looking at things practically, why didn’t you ask the 16 or 13 year old to go out and get nappies? Why is your MIL out of order for not helping but your 16 year old can refuse to leave their room to help for the shortest period?

I don’t think help is forthcoming from your MIL so you should look to your immediate family, your kids, to help out.

Are you the same poster who said people only judge mums of boys? Sounds very similar even the writing style..

Yikes, this reads like the life of someone who continuously hopes that "the next one will be a girl".

She doesn't owe you childcare but it is sad that she doesn't support you

If I was 10 minutes away I would have probably gone and got you the nappies and brought them round. So it’s a shame your MIL wasn’t interested in helping you. But perhaps it reflects something about your and your DH’s relationship with his mother.

I would just assume she isn’t going to help and make sure you sort out these things yourself. A quick delivery service from one of the supermarkets, or send the 16 year old, or leave the older ones at home, etc etc.

You do also seem to have a DH issue as well as a MIL one.

Yikes, five kids? Sorry no way - I’d be at the other house that’s only got the two. I would however go and get you nappies and drop them round. Shame she couldn’t do that.

How are you on your fifth child but not able to keep enough nappies stocked so that you don't run out? I've never run out once and certainly haven't been through the nappy stage five times.

Your MIL is helping her own daughter. Why should MIL help look after her son’s kids when her own son can’t be arsed to look after them?!

i know people will prob say its my fault for having 5 but honestly i didnt plan to have such a big gap between them all and ds5 was a surprise… 😳 and ds1 is good sometimes but i dont like leaving him with the littles cos hes moody and just sits on his vape in his room, ds2 is same just glued to his xbox. dh says i “overwhelm his mum” but i only ask maybe once a month if that! she does take ds3 to football sometimes but never the baby, she always says hes too much.

i just feel like if it was sil she’d be straight round no question. i wouldnt mind as much if she was fair about it but it feels like shes made her choice and its not us.

Gotta be honest, if I was a granny and could help with 2 kids or 5, I'd spend more with the 2! You're more then entitled to five, well done you, but blimey that must be hard work...

I hate this expectation that grandparents will help out. Parenting and working your whole adult life is fucking hard. Then your kids grow up and now we’re expected to take on grandkids? And if you don’t, there will be “consequences” such as not seeing them? Or no help in old age?

When is it ok to just not have any responsibilities? Why does it always have to be a slog?

I think you have a bloody cheek to expect. I am a Grandmother, I look after one of my Grandchildren, others live too far away. The moment it us expected I would be saying bye.

Hmmm my MIL has her 3 grandkids separate a lot, my son then her other 2 grandkids because she gets very stressed having the 3 together.
It's understandable to run for the hills if you're asked to look after 5 boys of all different ages.
It's hard on you but I can understand why she would avoid it.

Of course 5 kids overwhelm your MIL.

I’m sorry OP, but you’ve made your choices, now you’ve got to live with those choices. I do think your husband needs to step up though.

Yeah no way would I be helping you with 5 sorry.

as for the 16 year old vaping. I’ve no words.

Get your DH to get nappies on the way home.

Or get reusables. Then you won’t run out.

You say your DH works 'long hours' in quotes - why do you say it like that? I'm guessing the hours aren't actually long, or he's messing about in them and not actually working as much as he likes to make out he is, something like that? Although tbh I'd imagine he'd be working a fair bit to support 5 kids!

Why didn’t you leave the older ones at home and just take the little two?

Are you for real, listen to yourself. It doesn't matter who OP is, these are MILs grandchildren, her sons kids. She's not being asked to help random people but her own family. I'd hate to have a MIL like you.

You are focusing on your MIL but if you can’t trust your older kids to help that’s not her fault. If I was her I might think that they should be doing more if you need help.

Of course 5 kids is a lot. But they are your children.
I don't blame MiL for not helping you out - your house sounds like chaos - I wouldn't fancy it either tbh.

Get yourself organised - you must have your oldest 3 at school and 4 yo at nursery so use some time when you've just got your youngest to sort things out and better organise the day to day stuff so you are less likely to run out of essentials.

Why is a 16 year old vaping?

Because 5 kids is too many to properly parent. I should know, I’m one of five. My mum was so overwhelmed when we were teens she barely knew which way was up.

I thought the same! Plus I do wonder if she disapproves of your choice to have 5, so is even more determined not to help?

My own (lovely) mum was most put out when I had 3 as she only had 2 & thought anymore was unnecessary! She did come round to the idea and is brill now, but she honestly seemed to take it as some sort of personal criticism that I’d chosen something different!

Your husband needs to do fewer hours and more parenting. Children should not be glued to xboxs and vapes in their room for hours and hours. It sounds like the teens need much mire directed and organised free time.

stop asking mil for help and instead ask your husband. And if desperate, ask your husband to ask HIS mum.

Accidental GIF that won’t go away 🤦🏻‍♀️