Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

[Teachnomore]

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

Really inappropriate. I'd have paused the meeting and told him id rearrange for when hes ready for a serious discussion.

Not funny at all.

This would warrant a complaint about inappropriate behaviour.

I think I'd have overlooked a quick initial reference as a nervous reaction but even that is deeply unprofessional. He's minimising whatever happened and suggesting you don't really have authority.

Very weird.

Would be have behaved in the same way had his manager been male?

No.

Inappropriate.
Unprofessional.
Misogynistic.

I would be contacting HR to discuss and I wouldn't let it go.

He sounds like an arsehole who is skating on very thin ice with regards to keeping his job. That kind of behaviour warrants at least a formal warning, right?

I can't understand why as the Manager or this individual you didn't call out their inappropriate behaviour there and then? Or are you their Supervisor and not Manager?

I’d be asking HR to deal with this as unwanted sexual conduct OP. It’s totally unacceptable.

Was his argument with the colleague because he's always an idiot?!

Refer it on th HR. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

That warrants a Complaint all the way.

I'm more concerned about your DP's reaction.

Sorry I don’t understand your role in this, are you his line manager? If so, it’s your job to write him up due to this, not your own manager’s.

🤮 I would have left the room immediately and said as above and the forwarded it to hr for investigation. I wouldn't tolerate that in my team and it sounds like the culture in yours is toxic. Your dp sounds like he doesn't have your back.

I don't understand. Was he suggesting that the quicker punishment would be smacking his bum? If so why did he pretend to take his belt off?

Absolutely unacceptable. I'd report this to HR as he's putting the company in jeopardy. Especially as the meeting itself was about professional behaviour - this needs to go on his record. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

HR with an aim to getting him dismissed.

If you let this slide, what comes next?

Harassment related to sex.

Not acceptable

It seems he sees you more as a friend than his manager so trying to make light of a situation and not taking it seriously. I remember someone saying to me years ago when you are in management, your employees can’t be your friends. By all means be polite, courteous etc. When your employees are your friends they don’t take you seriously as their manager. Never fully known how to respond to that as you want to be a harmonious team with your colleagues but at the same time there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed. You have to be given a certain level of respect given your position in regards to disciplinaries etc. I think he was pushing it to be honest, either he’s really cheeky type guy thinking he’s being funny or completely disrespectful.

totally unacceptable and as his manager you should be able to put him on a disciplinary for unacceptable behaviour.

these people who behave in a manner of ‘oh well, that’s just Bob’ should not be accepted and their behaviour not tolerated. Those who do not behave in such ways often get pulled up for doing much less.

this needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. If your manager hasn’t got your back - speak with her first thing and raise a disciplinary tomorrow. This isn’t a grievance because you are the manager. Seek union support if necessary.

That is some twisted sexual harrasment imo

I feel like I'm pretty easygoing generally, and I would be shocked by this. Yuck.

To use to do the ‘smacking’.

To those who asked - I am his manager

That is hugely inappropriate. It's a shame you didn't deal with it as it happened, but I wouldn't let it go.

Wow, no totally not appropriate and your colleague just doesn’t want to deal with the fallout of reprimanding him.

Not at all appropriate, but even if it was, and even if it was the world’s funniest joke it was not the time and place to be joking.

He clearly doesn’t take what he did seriously which is bad enough of itself, but he just layered it with sexual harassment, which would be a sackable offence at my work.

Fucking Hell.

He sounds vile.

Is the other colleague involved in the argument a woman?