Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

[Teachnomore]

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

There are two ways of looking at it.

It might have been his (immature) way of acknowledging he was in the wrong and trying to diffuse what was probably a stressful situation for him, as he was expecting to be reprimanded. If he is normally jokey and fairly 'harmless' good-natured guy, I wouldn't take his reaction too badly. I would just remind him that I do expect him to take something like this more seriously, and not to do anything like it again.

The other possibility is that he was trying to shock you and put you on the back foot. If he's a more difficult character at work it could be one of his manipulation tactics to belittle someone and show his disregard for seniority. In this case I would tell him that I would be watching his behaviour closely and I wouldn't want to see any more inappropriate behaviour, otherwise I'd be reporting him (and I would make a record about what he did with HR).

So, what is he like at work? And how serious was the fight he was involved in?

trying to diffuse what was probably a stressful situation for him, as he was expecting to be reprimanded
Diddums. He's a grown man and if he can't take the 'stress' of a quiet chat with his boss then he is possibly in the wrong job/environment.
In any case, if you read the OP properly you'll see it says that the OP's manager said 'that is just what that colleague is like.' So his attitude is clearly known about, and tolerated.

I'm not excusing him, as human beings we all have faults and failings, and as managers we are there to deal with that appropriately and proportionately based on the individual and the context.

The comment about him being "just like that" is not clear as to whether it's meant he is a good natured joker, or whether his behaviour is of a more challenging nature. The second scenario should obviously be dealt with seriously, and if he was also the aggressor in the argument (which I don't think op actually says) it suggests he needs to be on some sort of performance management.

No, you ARE excusing him. Whether or not his other colleagues believe him to be a 'good-natured joker', in a work context, especially a work context where there's a serious discussion with your manager about your behaviour imminent, this behaviour is by definition 'of a more challenging nature'.

I'm not excusing him, I do not know the person or the full details of the situation. Offering possible reasons/motives for someone's behaviour is not the same as defending them. I'm answering the op in a hypothetical way, depending on the specifics of the scenario - which are not entirely clear.

You have a particular interpretation of the scenario (others seem to have interpreted it very differently). My advice covered both interpretations, its up to the op to decide which fits her actual situation.

Agree

point one is that I don't think that that behaviour is acceptable regardless of whether the person is a "good natured joker" or a misogynistic asshole. If its the first, then he should have learned a long time ago that such behaviour is not appropriate at work; if the second then there is no mitigation. I agree that its arguable that the consequence could vary according to which it is but either way "that's how he is" is no excuse.

What are you going to do @FionnulaTheCooler ?

Yes, precisely this.
Whatever the reasons for the behaviour, an adult who is competent enough to hold down a job should know when this behaviour is acceptable and when it isn't. It is very clearly not acceptable at work, in a fairly serious albeit informal chat with your manager about your actions.
Saying anything else simply IS excusing him.