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Original poster

Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

234 replies

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 21:48

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/09/2025 00:06

Your staff member made a power grab by sexualising the situation. He took control of the meeting hoping to wrong foot you, and showed you he thinks your authority over him is a joke. I'd take this incredibly seriously because this speaks volumes about his level of respect for you. Your male manager and husband, being men, will not have experienced the way some male subordinates use these techniques to belittle their female seniors. If he was my staff member he'd be finding out what being disciplined in the work place really meant.

DoYouReally · 09/09/2025 00:07

Sorry you've had such a shit day. First this fool and then your husband (who doesn't sound great tbf).

I would involve HR.

He was called into to discuss one inappropriate action and decided to create another one.

He's too stupid to be employed much longer.

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:11

user1478188491 · 08/09/2025 23:50

Lighten up it was a joke, people can’t even have a laugh nowadays without people
taking offence 🙄

Edited

No, it was his (and, apparently, your) idea of a joke, but it was entirely inappropriate in the circumstances. He had been invited to the meeting to discuss his unprofessional behaviour last Friday, so he knew it was a serious meeting, but he behaved appallingly. He attempted to minimise his involvement in the previous week's argument with his colleague and was utterly disrespectful to OP - you can guarantee he wouldn't have pulled that stunt if his manager had been male! I hope he finds the disciplinary action taken against him equally 'hilarious'. 🙄

5128gap · 09/09/2025 00:12

user1478188491 · 08/09/2025 23:50

Lighten up it was a joke, people can’t even have a laugh nowadays without people
taking offence 🙄

Edited

No indeed. Now we have more robust laws to protect us from sexual harassment you really can't 'have a laugh' if that requires you to sexual harass your female colleagues. All your bleating at women to lighten up will be completely in vain, so the sensible thing to do if you want to keep your job is to show some respect, and leave the 'jokes' to those who can be funny without falling foul of equalities legislation.

OneTealMentor · 09/09/2025 00:12

DramaLlamacchiato · 08/09/2025 22:29

Harassment related to sex.

Not acceptable

Not sex, he meant hit him with the belt

Daygloboo · 09/09/2025 00:15

Teachnomore · 08/09/2025 21:48

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

He was probably embarrassed and needed to break the ice/ distract from the fact he'd done something wrong by arguing.

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:17

OneTealMentor · 09/09/2025 00:12

Not sex, he meant hit him with the belt

Show quote history

No, @DramaLlamacchiato meant "sex" as in the protected characteristic. This moron treated OP differently because she's a woman - there's no way he'd have pulled that stunt if his manager had been male.

Daygloboo · 09/09/2025 00:18

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:11

No, it was his (and, apparently, your) idea of a joke, but it was entirely inappropriate in the circumstances. He had been invited to the meeting to discuss his unprofessional behaviour last Friday, so he knew it was a serious meeting, but he behaved appallingly. He attempted to minimise his involvement in the previous week's argument with his colleague and was utterly disrespectful to OP - you can guarantee he wouldn't have pulled that stunt if his manager had been male! I hope he finds the disciplinary action taken against him equally 'hilarious'. 🙄

Show quote history

He was probably embarrassed and needed to break the ice/ distract from the fact he'd done something wrong by arguing. He probably would still have done it if it was a male manager. It wasnt sexuel.

Marcipix · 09/09/2025 00:18

I m not surprised that you were completely taken aback.
However, everyone telling you to escalate to HR is correct.

TheWalkingDead81 · 09/09/2025 00:21

Wow, men can’t even act out a sexual spanking joke in a disciplinary meeting without it being a problem. Fragile times we live in.

TheWalkingDead81 · 09/09/2025 00:21

Wow, men can’t even act out a sexual spanking joke in a disciplinary meeting without it being a problem. Fragile times we live in.

CarpetKnees · 09/09/2025 00:21

Homegrownberries · 08/09/2025 23:51

"I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like."

I think it's fair to go back to your manager and ask if an employee has ever bent over for a spanking from him. He's shrugging off this behaviour because, as a man, he's never been on the receiving end of it. It only effects women. This is an issue for HR. Your manager needs to be sent on a training course and the other employee needs a formal warning.

All of this.

I can't believe there are people actually defending him Shock

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:24

Daygloboo · 09/09/2025 00:18

He was probably embarrassed and needed to break the ice/ distract from the fact he'd done something wrong by arguing. He probably would still have done it if it was a male manager. It wasnt sexuel.

Show quote history

Utter nonsense (I didn't say it was "sexual") and entirely irrelevant - who cares if he was "embarrassed"? He's supposed to be an adult. He should be capable of having a serious conversation with his manager (regardless of their sex) about what happened on Friday. His behaviour was childish, inappropriate and disrespectful to his manager, OP, and he deserves to be disciplined for it.

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:27

TheWalkingDead81 · 09/09/2025 00:21

Wow, men can’t even act out a sexual spanking joke in a disciplinary meeting without it being a problem. Fragile times we live in.

Now that's a much funnier joke! 👏

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:31

CarpetKnees · 09/09/2025 00:21

All of this.

I can't believe there are people actually defending him Shock

Show quote history

Sadly, I can. There's always one or two who crawl out of the 1970s to add their two penneth worth. 🙄

user1492757084 · 09/09/2025 00:34

I don't find his behaviour sexual and yes I do think he would have pretended to want the strap (like when naughty in olden day school) if you were a man. Men normally administered the strap.

It was inappropriate because he made light of his earlier behaviour. It was possibly disrespectful to the work place review and reprimand procedure. Though he was definitely admitting fault. I would have started there...

"So, you admit you were at fault some what. Explain your understanding of what happened yesterday, please."

You felt uncomfortable - possibly due to you not coming from a generation where the strap was common place in school.
I would laugh it off, as your DP did. If you want worker to apoligise for trivialising the matter and process, talk to your manager.

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 00:40

@user1492757084 No-one has said his behaviour was "sexual". They've said his behaviour was "Harassment related to sex" (referring to sex being a protected characteristic where his manager's sex is female). But thank you for confirming my previous post. 🙄

LBFseBrom · 09/09/2025 00:42

He was totally inappropriate.

Woodwalk · 09/09/2025 00:44

Sounds sexual to me frankly. Starting/miming/pretending to remove his belt in your presence is sexual harassment - it being part of a 'joke' about you spanking him doesn't negate that.

Don't beat yourself up for not having dealt with it there and then - lots of us would have felt too embarrassed/uncomfortable in the moment and just would have pressed on. I'd like to think I'd have walked out and said we will reschedule this once you're willing to behave appropriately - but the urge to be polite and minimise is very strong.

In your shoes, I would formally report this to HR. I'm not sure what stage of the disciplinary you are at, but I would also say that due to this new issue you are reporting you are no longer able to take part in the disciplinary for the staff member - there's now a conflict due to you needing to report sexual harassment that occured during the disciplinary hearing. This will likely mean his investigation for the initial offence will need to start again, alongside his new investigation for sexual harassment. Not a good look for him is it.

Francestein · 09/09/2025 01:50

That behaviour very successfully showed what this dickhead thinks of your management and superior position. I would report him to HR. There is no way he would have done this if his manager was a man. Misogynistic prick.

tamade · 09/09/2025 01:54

Why couldn't OP give him a telling off right there and then. Why do very little then tell her manager, why tell HR two days later?

At best it was an inappropriate joke at worst a sexualized power play to unsettle his manager. The only way to deal with that is to confront it head on there and then.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 02:06

Totally inappropriate, for about a million and one reasons. You are his manager and it was a meeting about his conduct, ffs. He was disrespectful and creepy. Nobody should be bending over a desk and taking off their belt to joke about being spanked at work, FFS, and certainly not a bloke alone in a room with a female colleague. This man is gross.

Your DP is also a complete twat if he thinks that kind of thing is all just hilarious office banter.

SouthernNights59 · 09/09/2025 02:11

user1478188491 · 08/09/2025 23:50

Lighten up it was a joke, people can’t even have a laugh nowadays without people
taking offence 🙄

Edited

Oh thank goodness, I thought I was the only one who thought it a complete non issue. I would have laughed and not given it a second thought.

I am so thankful my working days are now over if this is how people react to such a silly thing. No wonder the world is becoming such a dull and depressing place.

coxesorangepippin · 09/09/2025 02:13

He sounds completely bloody deranged

AngelicKaty · 09/09/2025 02:18

tamade · 09/09/2025 01:54

Why couldn't OP give him a telling off right there and then. Why do very little then tell her manager, why tell HR two days later?

At best it was an inappropriate joke at worst a sexualized power play to unsettle his manager. The only way to deal with that is to confront it head on there and then.

You've answered your own question - because OP was "unsettled" - she said she "found it awkward" so he achieved his aim of putting her on the back foot. We'd all like to believe we'd be cool, calm and collected in such a situation and deal with it assertively, but it isn't always that easy in the moment when someone's behaviour is unexpected and a little shocking.
And this only happened today so where do you get the idea that she's telling HR "two days later"? She can report this tomorrow if she has a mind to.