Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

[Teachnomore]

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

Are you unaware that men subjecting themselves to corporal punishment from a woman role playing dominance is a sexual activity? Hence the 'joke' when he was in trouble with a woman in authority. I doubt anyone too young to remember corporal punishment in schools as mainstream would associate it with that rather than the sexual activity. Unless they had a 'baffling' naivety about such matters.

The problem is, the people you spoke to check afterwards all sound male

I’d be flagging with HR as a note on record for future. He wouldn’t have done that with a male manager so he shouldn’t have done it with you

That kind of behaviour would have you suspended in the police force.

That would warrant a disciplinary for sexual harassment where I work.

That's because they are male. She said her manager shrugged his shoulders and her partner is male as she said 'when I told him'.

Inappropriate yes and worthy of disciplinary yes but you cant say whether or not he would do that with a male manager unless you know the person in question.

Not strange, but repulsive behaviour.
Make a complaint to HR, and next time call him out in person too.

Yup its comes out of the same box as "just bantz" and "you have no sense of humour"

I too would have laughed it off as a harmless joke because imo it is a bit funny. I used to work in an IT team and the jokes, inappropriate by todays standards, eg about dongles etc were common from men and women.

I do have quite a puerile sense of humour though 😁

Maybe its a generational thing. I'm in my mid 50s and grew up on a diet of innuendo and euphemism?

I'm not saying people are wrong to be appalled by his behaviour btw, but reporting him for some sort of shicking offence does seem excessive.

In your shoes I would be reporting to HR as shows serious conduct issues

That is completely inappropriate and speaks volumes about his attitude to female colleagues (and also makes me feel rather sick). I would absolutely be reporting this shit to HR.

Im nearly 60 and would have been totally Taken aback if a colleague started taking his belt off and mimed being spanked IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING. I think the tiresome Bant culture had died a death in workplaces, but it always seems to rise again from the grave.

Where's the innuendo or euphemism?
It's just a man suggesting he should be spanked (by a woman).

Crude weirdo...
Only you know him and what he probably meant.

As manager, you must tell him why that was weird & unprofessional.

I'm 66. It's not in the least bit funny.

His behaviour is completely unacceptable in a workplace.

Oh and as what passes for "an older person" "older generation" on MN I'm fed up of that excuse being trotted out to excuse unacceptable behaviour.

Its not generational. I'm in my mid 50s and also remember a time when sexual harassment and sex discrimination against women was rife in the workplace.
As a young manager I've had men pull that stunt with me. At the time, I laughed too. The typical fawning response of a woman who knew that her authority was conditional on the approval of her male juniors, in an environment where regardless of job title, the power lay with them.
30 years on, wiser, and in a world where some improvements have been made through legislation, the last thing I'd be doing is harking back to the 'good old days' and encouraging younger women to allow themselves to be belittled and demeaned by men who resent their seniority.
Any approval women earn from sexist men by giggling and colluding is an illusion. They don't see you as an equal or respect you for it. Because men with the capacity to respect women don't behave that way in the first place.

I’m 54 and I think it’s grim. Really grim.

You need HR to step in. Tell them and write down exactly what happened between him and you. And make clear that your manager was unable to support you.

This

All the men you told reckoned it was OK? What does that say about them? Men are cracking up.

Really really inappropriate.

It also suggests that the only people a woman should be managing are children.

Not that it would be acceptable to hit children - especially as he suggested- but obviously this is what happened in the past.

I find it such a lie when people say this sort of thing used to be acceptable in the workplace. It was NEVER acceptable behaviour. Not in the places where I worked, it wasn't.

Was he the one at fault in the original argument, he was trying to minimise whatever happened, but without knowing what actually happened in the first argument it's difficult to comment on his reaction to being 'sent to the headmaster's office'. I assume that was the vibe he was going for. Yes it's inappropriate and stupid. Is this normally a very serious (professional) working environment where it would be absolutely beyond the pale, or a fairly relaxed environment where a bit of fooling around is 'normal'? I'm not sure it was intended as sexual or misogynistic, but it could be interpreted that way.

It was a big issue in that it was a serious, professional meeting that he tried to minimise (presumably because he knew he was in the wrong) by making a crude, totally inappropriate joke. Do you think this sort of behaviour would be appropriate in, say, an interview? If not, why not?

And FYI I love working with my colleagues- they are friendly and supportive but remain professional whilst able to share a joke where appropriate. You might see the world as a dull, depressing place but it really isn't if you're with the right people.

Exactly and would a woman have done what he did, no way. He gets away with it bc "it is what he is like">

You never worked anywhere, were there was a bit of banter or fooling around? We had a cricket game in the office one lunchtime when we had a few summer students (soft ball only), and the boss joined in! We worked very hard most of the time, but we did have some fun too. I can't think of anywhere I worked where there wasn't a bit of light hearted joking around thank goodness.