Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

[Teachnomore]

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

How long has he worked there? Hopefully less than 2 years so you can get rid of him with minimal hassle.

Yes

He has been there 12 years, longer than most of the team including myself.

Even leaving aside the utterly strange, creepy and psychologically revealing nature of his 'joke', the basic facts are:

1. He admitted fault;
2. He treated a professional reprimand as a joke. Massively disrespectful to you, your position and his responsibilities as a grown-up member of a workplace team. The weirdness on top of that makes it vaguely sexual and is sexist if he'd never behave this way with a male superior.

I do hope you can find an adult in HR to discuss this with. And - I'm sorry you have to manage a twat!

Oh for heaven’s sake, this is not ok and you need to report it to HR. Your partner is a dick head too.

Many years ago I managed a bloke who on having negative feedback asked me to wear leather next time. He was gone the next day and I’m glad my my employers took it seriously and got rid. The phrase “it’s just how he is” is how people get away with unacceptable and quite often serious behaviour.

As a man, I can't imagine saying that at my work to my woman boss. It just doesn't compute. It's sexual, disrespectful, massively unprofessional and out of the 70s.

This

Speak to HR.

As for your DP ... words fail.

Oh. I totally misread that. I thought he was implying sex not a spanking. I would have reacted very badly.

It's not funny. It's aggressive and disrespectful

Sound like something David Brent would say / do in 'The Office' which, in itself was written to highlight completely inappropriate behaviour nearly 25 years ago.

It is a shame you didn't deal with it at the time, but this should not be 'let go'.

He should be. But potentially there is a longer process for dismissal.

It needs to go to your HR.

It is so completely inappropriate in any circumstance, but for him to think it was the best way to approach a meeting called to discuss his inappropriate behaviour in the office in the first place beggars belief.

I would’ve cringed myself inside out. What an arsehole!

Well, yes, equally concerned, for me. Your DP really found it 'hilarious?' I wouldn't be okay with that.

Agreed. Colleague is way out of order but so is husband's reaction.

Lighten up it was a joke, people can’t even have a laugh nowadays without people
taking offence 🙄

"I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like."

I think it's fair to go back to your manager and ask if an employee has ever bent over for a spanking from him. He's shrugging off this behaviour because, as a man, he's never been on the receiving end of it. It only effects women. This is an issue for HR. Your manager needs to be sent on a training course and the other employee needs a formal warning.

Some people are embarrassed for being in a potential disciplinary meeting and try to take the pressure out of a situation by making jokes - this one was badly misjudged and inappropriate. Its either that or he thinks being your friend, adding cheeky humour will make you smile and go softer on him.

Either way, you can't accept it, at the very least he needs to know its very inappropriate. You can perhaps make a joke of that nature to friends outside of the formal process but in that setting, its not appropriate and minimises the original issue.

Disgusting and inappropriate. He is a misogynistic pig.
I think his behaviour, and remarks in that meeting should be escalated. He needs to learn this is not acceptable.

This ^

@Teachnomore YANBU. It was childish, rude, inappropriate, disrespectful and not remotely funny. It was also an attempt to minimise and distract from this colleague's involvement in the argument on Friday. I would involve HR to run a disciplinary against him. He needs to learn and grow up - fast - if he wants to keep his job.

Ah, he's one of the "untouchables" - or thinks he is ... Prove him wrong OP.

What was the outcome in relation to the argument - are the participants getting any sort of sanction for that, e.g. a formal warning? And did this man appear to take that seriously, or not? If he was still laughing and giggling, I would be going up to the next level of sanction.

That sounds like a typical male sense of humour. But it's wrong place wrong time and inappropriate at work. I'd feel embarrassed and wouldn't know what to say.

He sounds like a complete asshole who has no respect for authority, especially a woman in a position of authority, he would never have said that to a man

Also he was trying to make light of the issue so I’m assuming he was he instigator / main offender?…….he sounds unprofessional and likely impossible to manage…..I would personally go to HR and ask them to deal with him, I would also try and get rid of him/ get him off my team