What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

[khlolea]

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

Ha! Bring out the Châteauneuf-du-Pape* *then! Don’t need to share it.

His aggression is much more of a concern than you having one class. Tomorrow speak with him about how unacceptable it was. If he has worries or wounds to heal he can speak them calmly and rationally and you can do your best to reassure him but be sure he realises that throwing his weight around is cowardly, bullying and toddler like and deeply unattractive.

My Dh probably would be delighted and feel he could join me too. If it was regular then that's different.

He’d probably be a bit 🤨 if I’d had a drink while doing dinner and bedtime for our toddler, but if I’d messaged him during the workday saying ‘it’s been a day today, do you mind if I pop for one with [colleague] on the way home’ he’d assure me he’d cover all DS needs and tell me to enjoy and stay as long as I liked. Before DS was in the picture I’d have messaged him with the done deal and his reaction would have been the same.

Tonight we had a chat early on about how stressed out I am with imminent house move and busy period at work and various family members demanding our time at the moment so he went out to pick up pizza and a bottle of wine and we had a ‘no thinking about all that shit’ night.

I’m just curious as to what religion permits people to drink ‘but only on holidays’ or to drink ‘but only when your husband is home and also drinking with you’

this is definitely not a religion thing.

My husband would never have reacted like that but I know he wouldn't like it because he avoided alcohol at all costs. This was because his father was a violent and deeply unpleasant alcoholic.

DH needs to lighten up 😬

Sounds like you have given him an excuse to act like a spoiled child. However, when an adult acts like that it's a sign of controlling behaviour. Red flag alert!

Themselves not them waves, can’t edit more than once and I missed that!

Mine would be a little surprised, because it is a rare occurrence, but genuinely ask if I’d had a bad/tough day! There would be absolutely no judgement or attitude.

Is he also abusive in other ways?

I think this is correct- does he have a reason to worry about your drinking? If not it does seem a very odd reaction and he is being unreasonable,

@khlolea after reading this thread.

My OH would say ‘bad day?’ and probably be a bit surprised because I don’t normally drink after work except on a Friday when we’ll both have a few. He wouldn’t react like this. That’s not ok. Unless you are a raging alcoholic who’s not supposed to be drinking. Even in that context he should be talking to you not going on a rampage.

I'd be bloody annoyed that my partner is trying to control when I can or can't drink! Do you remember when the balance of your relationship change?

He'd get a glass and join me or he'd make a cup of tea if he didn't want one then we'd chat about our day.

🤣🤣🤣

Would you like another one? We drink wine probably two nights a week, maybe more if we have house guests. Would never think anything of it. Husband sounds like he has problems.

I would ask how many she had and then start drinking to catch up with her.

Quite right too. You should not be drinking alcohol, full
stop.

Well, nothing probably. Might get one might not, but certainly wouldn’t go into a controlling sulk about it.

A friend gave me a fridge magnet which said, "I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food." Thought you might enjoy that!

There is a cure for the silent treatment - which is abusive behaviour. Treat him to it for as long as you fancy. This is liable to end in divorce btw but my ex used to do this and sulk for days if I did something he did not like. I did not realise it was abuse, because he would be all happy and nice and supportive at other times and I would think if I just changed my behaviour it would all be ok, but it is.

Sounds like a slippery slope, no I wouldn’t but hubby also would react like yours, maybe he thinks you have a problem and it’s him that’s having to deal with it.

@Skybluepinky

totally agree…a drink on a week night is a slippery sleep to being an alcoholic . Your husband doesn’t want you to be decrepit, Op - listen to him.