To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

Oh, no!!! Do you not like me?

I often wonder about a world in which women openly expressing sexual desire weren't subject to social shame (at best) and physical danger from men (at worst), but instead encouraged and slapped on the back for it. And where men were routinely shamed for their sexual desire from adolescence onward, and then placed in potential physical danger for it as adults.

I've never been convinced that the male sex drive is all that alien to the female one. Men simply tend to have been encouraged to show it off and to be entitled to it.

In my experience women will open up about all sorts of "filthy" sexual desires (I say that in a positive way) if they feel they're in a safe space to do so. And on the flipside I've known men who've had weird religious upbringings that seem to have shamed all the sexuality out of them, in a way I recognise as more common in women.

I also think the very vocal MN demographic of women who clearly dislike and disapprove of sex and sexual desire generally is a very peculiar minority. It's striking that these threads about sex never really touch on what women DO want - just what they don't want.

I remember a thread where a poster had a FWB which she enjoyed. She was told she was an idiot, she definitely wanted more and she was being used. No matter how many times she said she just enjoyed the sex she was told she was lying.

Not by everyone but some women posters.

You're very lucky that you seem to be surrounded by decent men. Not everyone has that experience. I most certainly don't. I'm sorry but you do seem a bit naive. Just because she used the term filthy losers doesn't mean she hates all men. It's my experience too that the majority of them are, and certainly have the capacity to be absolutely sex mad, women degrading, mysogynists - out of the ear shot of their wives and girlfriends.

I sincerely hope you have decent men in your life. You're one of the lucky ones if you do. x

I mean anyone with any awareness of what is happening throughout the world must see their small experience with men doesn’t speak for all men. Do these people think it is misandry if we mention the treatment of women currently in Afghanistan? Do they think it is misandry to point out that so many normal men were happy to rape a 70-odd year old woman in France? Is it misandry to point out that there are forums full of men sharing how they rape women? I’m half convinced there is none so blind as those who won’t see and what they hope to achieve by it.

For many of us, it is far from a 'small' experience. Some of us have been assaulted, raped, abused, gaslit, humiliated...many more are murdered. It does cloud the judgement yes, but I firmly maintain that with a huge amount of men, you really don't know what they are thinking, particularly when it comes to sex. I can't even get through a day at work without one of them - mainly married or living with someone - saying they are horny or making some comment about a woman's body. Then they go home to their wives. The man who assaulted me and many others is still married as his wife doesn't believe the women who accused him. I am happy for you that you seem to have found some good ones. I don't trust any of them anymore sadly.

I think you are being rational. My criticism is for the "Not All Men" crowd. The evidence shows it is a lot of men and we do not know which ones. That is terrifying. Even if we have good men, if we can look outside of ourselves we can understand why it is logical to be wary.

Yes you're absolutely right. I think if we can use our instincts we maybe know which ones are totally decent. I hope so anyway although my radar is now completely feked.

Honestly, I do not believe it is possible to ever completely know. I think that goes for anyone - we can never really know another person. I also hate the pressure that puts on women who end up being abused or hurt by men. I will always refer folks to the Gisele Pelicot case.

It is terrifying. The guy I fell in love with changed literally overnight into someone I didn't recognise. Like Jekyll and Hyde. Extreme example but look at Ted Bundy too - helping on a suicide hotline, killing women in his spare time.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope things are better for you now!

Not really, but thank you so much x

Men don’t like it up ‘em ☺️

What sort of place do you work? 14 out of the 15 men I work with can go about their working day without talking about sex and women's bodies. There is one who says the odd inappropriate thing but we all just tell him he's weird.

We don't have a sympathy button so I'm using the "love" button to send love. You are not alone and I hope things improve for you soon. Social media can be a cesspit but I've learned so much from women who have come out of terrible relationships and situations on youtube.I hope there are people in rl and online you can get support from.

Thank you, most people on here have been so kind and supportive. I just need to learn to take their advice on board. Thank you, I really appreciate that and I'm sending a hug right back at you.

Oh, you know many that aren't. But how well do you know them? You could be married to a man like Dominique Pelicot - when would you find out? Would you find out? And he found all those men to rape his wife just in one small town. They walk among us. They always did, but we didn't know. We know now, and we can't go back to when we didn't.

Well, the men would want in, wouldn't they? And they'd be shits about it.

If most men are filthy losers they've all been born to women and mostly have been raised by women. I don't know how women can believe their fellow women are all producing filthy losers. I know the men in my life aren't filthy losers.

It's the same as men on another forum saying women are all bone-idle, lazy schmucks. Silly generalisation.

Raised by women in the sense that the women did the menial unpaid drudge work to look after them, but they don't model themselves on the women they look up to and take notice of the men in their lives.
The cause of bad men is predominantly bad fathers, i.e other bad men.

@MaryMungoMidgley who does menial drudge work to raise their children? That's pretty condescending to mothers everywhere. I know that's not how I raised my son..

And you have no evidence about the cause of bad men being predominantly anything. I'm sure the presence of other bad men won't help but even this is too simplistic. It can't be summed up as predominantly anything.

Decades ago, I was aware of a section in porn magazines called Readers' Wives. It never so much as crossed my mind that these women might not have given permission for their pictures - which included their smiling faces - to be shared.

Have people noticed how awful men can be commenting about women online, as well? Feeling the need to say when they find someone unattractive? Women are naming and shaming them now.

I think lots of men are not like you claim they are . Do you truly believe ALL men are that way ? Because I’m married to a wonderful man ,, by no means perfect but by no means anywhere near what people describe here .