For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

None of your business to be fair unless MNHQ have made you a mod?

No, I thought not.

I won't be replying to you again so you can find someone else to boss around 👍

@Cuppatealover OP, your posts aren't clear about whether you're joint tenants on this five-year "Rent to Buy" property and how much deposit you paid. Is the agreement in your joint names or just your STBX's? Did you pay half of the deposit?

Making structural adjustments on a rent to own place before you own it is a bad decision, but if the two of you genuinely made it together then he had a reasonable expectation that you'd repay him 50%. But you also had a reasonable expectation that the two of you would enjoy the benefits of these investments equally, long-term, and would eventually have the chance to recoup part of the cost by buying the house.

The flooring's a loss unless one of you really does buy the house (does he mean to eventually do this on his own)? The blinds could be taken out of the house but will lose most of their value as they're custom fitted. These two things have value to someone staying in the house, not someone moving out. The appliances could be split 50/50, but their resale value is a lot lower than their original value (assuming you bought them new).

If he insists on staying in the house and is making it impossible for you to stay there, I wouldn't pay him for the flooring or blinds as he still has the chance to recoup the full value but has deprived you of that option. Appliances will have lost a lot of their resale value if you bought them new but still have use value; I'd offer to pay half and take half or leave them with him. If he's being so abusive you can't have even a practical conversation with him for mutual benefit, just leave everything and go.

This.

And have you sought professional advice on this?

You need to be creditworthy and the consolidation means you definitely won't be.

If you’re going to tell a woman who has recently had an abortion that she saw her partner as a meal ticket, then expect to be challenged.

I actually think you should pay. You agreed to pay half, it’s not his fault you’ve decided to leave and you’ve also had since January to pay him back. Pay it and chalk it up as the monetary losses that come with splitting up; move on and put it behind you.

Agreed.

The commonly decent thing to do.

You've had the benefit of the goods for a few months, he'll have the benefit for at least 5 years from the sounds of it. Offer to pay 5%.

People posting are giving you a hard time but the votes are with you.

YANBU. He is.

Why do you need to be creditworthy? I'm not and I bumble along pretty well.

I think this is quite difficult - because you did agree to paying for half of that when you moved in and you have benefited from them whilst living there. Who paid the rental deposit- did you split that? If you paid half of that I presume he will be buying you out of that? Depending on the value of the deposit and if you paid it could part of the agreement be that he keeps the deposit but you don’t pay for the items?

Yes it was. And a very difficult decision to make. I will not be shamed for that. This post was not about that.

YABU and if this was a man doing this to you then all would be calling him a cock lodger.

You agreed to pay him half but in 8 months you haven't paid a penny and are now saying you have too much debt. Would he have spent that money if he had known this? Was he providing for what he thought was going to be his family?

No you can't take half a floor or half a freezer but no one can from any house rented or not. How much should you have repaid by now?

You've shafted him and now want to walk away with no responsibility. He wants to count his blessings he isn't in any deeper with you.

I have. And I don't need to be anything. I am trying to manage my finances and nagivage what has been a very turbulent year. I didn't ask for advice on my finances other than if I was unreasonable for not paying him back for things he is keeping. That's the crux of it.

It seems the OP thought her bread was already buttered living with him, and she didn't need to.

Now that's gone pear shaped, she needs to find a way to pay her own living expenses.

We are not in the USA, no woman should be judged for making that decision at any point in time!

What do you mean?

I wonder what his side of the story is.

You shouldn't need to ask.

Anyone with common decency knows you don't promise to pay someone back and then decide not to.

Especially when they clearly trusted you.

You could've 'managed' your finances by taking the loan and paying your share at the time.

I'd add up the value of the goods - see how they can be split and offer him half based on you then keeping your half of the goods.

So in terms of practicality - he keeps blinds and flooring and you get washing machine/fridge etc.

I think thats generous - personally, I'd calculate the average lifespan of each item, then what percentage of that lifespan I'd actually had use of them for, and then offer that.

I absolutely didn't.
I was in a rental by myself for 6 years before moving in with him and as managing fine with the debts I had then. He knew about them all.