For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

No one is blaming her for leaving though ?

No, only the nasty and ugly gets reported. You don't have a "different opinion", you have a distinct "different agenda". Other posters are calling it out and making sure it doesn't take focus off the point of the thread.

Feel free to pound salt.

Morning, everyone. This thread has wandered a bit off topic and, for the OP's sake, we'd really like to get it back on track. Could we draw a line under everything else and stick to answering her original question from now on?

We're obviously happy to host discussions about abortion in general but we think that's probably a separate thread entirely and not a conversation to be had about someone's personal choices and circumstances.

Thanks.

Read the thread. I know. 🙄

I can almost guarantee a lot of posters have taken the stance they have taken because this is related to a relationship breakdown with a man. Had this been between 2 girlfriends or mere acquaintance tenants with a similar fallout between them, the responses would likely be a wholeee lot different.

Just adding my 2 cents (which is neither here nor there really at this point), couples should avoid enmeshing their lives together in this way when not married because someone always loses and there isn’t really any court you can go to help untangle all of this. OP should try and pay what she can reasonably pay towards whatever renovations were done (sounds like her share was approx. £750) and then agree with ex that she takes fridge, washing machine etc.

Once again, he has stated he will NOT let her take any of the white goods.

He wants her to walk away with nothing but pay half of what he paid (£1500 would be her share) for everything he will continue to use after she leaves. So why are you putting that across as a suggestion?

And where did you get £750 from?

If two friends moved into in a rent to buy in the expectation they were going to live together for the foreseeable future. And friend A paid upfront for necessary furnishings and then the friendship broke down and person A insisted on staying in the house and asking friend B who is leaving with nothing to pay for half I’d be saying the same!

The most friend B should be paying is a very small amount for 8 months use of the stuff friend A will get to use indefinitely. Definitely not half - or a quarter.

That last post was to @CrumbsInMyBra

Oh my, calling people nasty and ugly - be careful you don’t get reported now!
For the record I didn’t say anything nasty or ugly. I just responded to an AIBU in the relevant context which OP provided.

Surely the point is that the ex is refusing to enter into any form of logical fair negotiation with the OP. He's clearly punishing the OP for her decision re the unborn child and will be doing everything possible to be a thorn in her side

If only it were as simple as the OP and the ex sitting down and having a discussion, this thread would probably not have been needed.

Don't be so disingenuous. Your posts have been nasty and ugly and nothing but trying to make the OP feel bad.
But, keep trying to make yourself a victim in this. It's amusing as hell.

Put your offers - to buy him out, or to pay your half but to take away X & Y in writing. Send it to him so you have a written record of your quite reasonable offers in case he takes you to small claims court.

Then crack on with moving out.

You ARE being unreasonable.

Sorry to say, he can probably sue you and win. You two agreed to the upgrades when you were happy, you made a contract that if he paid, you would pay him back. Just because things have gone badly since then doesn't mean the contract disappears. It sucks, but if you don't want to get sued you should work something out.

He definitely wouldn’t win, it was not just “upgrades” they were essential furnishings for the flat that he would have had to get whether she was living with him or not.

OP also offered to pay if she could take some of the white goods and he vetoed that.

He wants her to pay half and not get any further use of any of it. No small claims in the country would uphold that.

Don’t forget since he said he won’t move out they both agreed she should leave.

So the terms of the original contract are now fundamentally different since she is no longer able to enjoy the things he bought .

Small claims would give him a tiny amount if anything.

This right here:

"having an abortion because it was the right thing to do, not bringing a baby into the world with constant arguments as a couple and my whole life crumbling.", is not a "right thing to do" justification for having an abortion.