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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 13:13

No don't pay him. He is going to stay there so will benefit from his purchases. You won't -unless he is agreeing that you will take the kitchen appliances with you if you've paid for half of all the stuff!
Good news that you are in rented and have no shared children. You can just get your name off the rental agreement and move out asap . Block and you never have to deal with him again.

Bobbybobbins · 07/09/2025 13:14

No don’t pay him

Linenpickle · 07/09/2025 13:16

Tell him to do one.

BMW6 · 07/09/2025 13:25

Of course you shouldn't be contributing to the cost of appliances and fixtures that you won't be using! What a massive twat he is!

SquirrelRed · 07/09/2025 13:26

I definitely wouldn't be paying if I were you, but just to play devil's advocate, if you had paid half at the time would you be asking for that money back? Probably not I guess?
Can you afford to give him a small amount to keep the peace if that's what you're looking to do.

KpopDemon · 07/09/2025 13:27

Well that was his risk wasn’t it?

He can’t force you to pay.

FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 13:29

Did he even ask if you wanted all of the work done and surely it’s not normal to spend out that on a rental place? The landlord could have asked for the place back at the end of the tenancy anyway.

Hoppinggreen · 07/09/2025 13:31

FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 13:29

Did he even ask if you wanted all of the work done and surely it’s not normal to spend out that on a rental place? The landlord could have asked for the place back at the end of the tenancy anyway.

And without written permission for the changes it could cost the deposit.
Also if you are on The Tenancy Agreement you might not just be able to walk away

Mossssy · 07/09/2025 13:33

If you will need any of the moveable things (appliances) in your new place, you could offer to buy them from him. Since he said he wouldn't have bought them without you he obviously doesn't really want them. He'll have to pay full amount for the blinds and floors though, since he wants to stay in the house - his choice.
If you don't want the appliances though, just walk away.

Hairshare · 07/09/2025 13:33

You didn’t have any say in his purchases and now you’re moving out. You could offer a small amount for the time you lived there
but that’s it.
Youre well out of this OP, he is daft to spend all that money on a rental, apart from anything else. Did the landlord agree?

Hankunamatata · 07/09/2025 13:35

In 8 months why havnt you paid anyhting when you agreed to half?

Shedmistress · 07/09/2025 13:37

Just leave when he is out and do not give him your new address.

Luluissleeping · 07/09/2025 13:40

He's a fool to shell out his own money for kitting out a house that is not his. Up to you if you pay anything to him. I might give a token.

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 13:41

He put a bizarre amount of trust in you to pay for all of that for you both and trust you'll pay him back as promised.

It's certainly not something I would've done and not something I would advise my adult DC or my friends to do.

But for whatever reason he did it and he has to learn to live with that mistake.

With regards to him carrying on living there, I assume someone has to as he can't just rip up the tenancy agreement and bugger off.

Morally the right thing to do would be to keep your promise and pay up, then wait until the end of tenancy when you can sell the items and split the cash.

I don't really know what to say about the blinds as having them fitted in someone else's house is bizarre.

Bigcat25 · 07/09/2025 13:41

I would pay for some of it as you agreed to and he only bought it on that basis.

Not sure why you would as spend so much on a rental but that's besides the point.

KrisAkabusi · 07/09/2025 13:42

"Eight months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We agreed that we would split the furnishing and appliance costs 50/50. He never paid anything, Now we're splitting up, he's moving out and he's trying to get out of paying his half of the agreement!"

I suspect a post like that would get very different responses and the word "cocklodger" would have been used several times.

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 13:44

KrisAkabusi · 07/09/2025 13:42

"Eight months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We agreed that we would split the furnishing and appliance costs 50/50. He never paid anything, Now we're splitting up, he's moving out and he's trying to get out of paying his half of the agreement!"

I suspect a post like that would get very different responses and the word "cocklodger" would have been used several times.

Of course it would.

The OP has stitched him right up here after he trusted her to keep her promise.

And I don't know why people are assuming she didn't have any say in what was bought with the money she promised to give him.

Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 13:49

KrisAkabusi · 07/09/2025 13:42

"Eight months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We agreed that we would split the furnishing and appliance costs 50/50. He never paid anything, Now we're splitting up, he's moving out and he's trying to get out of paying his half of the agreement!"

I suspect a post like that would get very different responses and the word "cocklodger" would have been used several times.

I'd actually be saying the same . If they were both moving out , I'd say op should pay her half as promised. They'd both have to share the loss of some items ( eg the blinds will be fitted to those windows so may not be much use elsewhere). Moveable things could be shared out ( one takes the fridge, the other the washing machine - as an example). But ops ex is staying in the house and will be solely benefitting from the purchases going forward.
Perhaps the rental is social housing , in which case spending some money on flooring and blinds is fine as you can stay there for years.

mediummumma · 07/09/2025 13:49

YABN.

You made a financial agreement, albeit verbally, and have not paid your share. Your relationship has broken down and now you don’t want to pay. I understand why you don’t, but it reflects badly on you. I think you should pay something towards the costs you agreed to originally.

Caroparo52 · 07/09/2025 13:49

No. Unless you take your half with you. And don't tell him where you're going either. Go suddenly and then quit contact. Good grief you've been through enough. Good luck op.

Hoppinggreen · 07/09/2025 13:51

With regards to him carrying on living there, I assume someone has to as he can't just rip up the tenancy agreement and bugger off.

Op can't either, hopefully she has done all the legal side of it properly

GAJLY · 07/09/2025 13:53

No I wouldn't because he will keep them and benefit from them all.

PestoHoliday · 07/09/2025 13:53

You promised to pay half and they were bought on that understanding. You need to pay him some of that. It's taking the piss to cut and run without contributing.

CinnamonBuns67 · 07/09/2025 13:53

Whilst I don't think he can do anything about it legally. If you agreed to pay half before he made the purchases it's morally right you honor that agreement. I'm sure you'd not appreciate it if the shoe was on the other foot.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 07/09/2025 13:54

Idiocy to pat to fit out a rented house imo.

but you agreed so you owe half.

You can sell him your half so you pay a reduced contribution or he needs to agree to sell the items e.g. fridgefreezer and split money from sale. Alternatively, you can agree that he can have fridgefreezer if he deducts e.g. £100 from the flooring bill.