For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

I think that if I were in your situation I would be looking at a compromise.
When these items were purchased, did you have any say at all in the choice or did he just go out and buy them? Who paid for the deposit for the property in March?
Yes, things like blinds and flooring can’t be taken, but the white goods can. So, figure out the cost of those, pay him that amount and take them with you.

So how about you take the fridge freezer, then deduct the cost of that from the amount he has spent overall.
And promise to pay him half of that when you can in instalments.
He really can’t expect you to pay half to what he’s spent when you’ve only had use of them for 8 months.
And actually the way he’s speaking to you, he sounds like a nasty shit, so I’d perhaps stuff him and walk away.

Agreeing to pay half for those home improvements would only be reasonable if you were going to be gaining a stake in the value of the house. If your relationship had worked out, and you had your kids and married and decided to share your assets in common henceforth, then that's a reasonable investment. However, that's not what happened, you have not gained a share in the assets and he is retaining 100% of the benefits and the value of them so not he doesn't get to make you pay. If he wants that money back he can sell his enhanced-value house with the new flooring and new blinds and new kitchen appliances, and buy a skanky hole with bad flooring, he can then pocket that value difference and he is set back how he was before you moved in, without you being unreasonably poorer.

You agreed to pay half. Nothing in writing-presumably no text messages or anything saying you agreed to pay half?

However, you did agree, so morally you need to stick to your agreement. In reality, without documentary evidence of a 'contract' to pay your half he doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.

However, you can't pay half for items that you will not get the benefit from - eg: carpets, flooring etc. I suggest that you work out what your half is & take it in the form of removable goods - fridge, cooker, curtains things like that. He can keep his half in the form of the carpets, flooring etc.

You can sell the things that you take if you don't need or want them.

I'm not saying that I don't expect to pay half. Obviously it's the sane thing to do. Its just been suggested that I've paid absolutely nothing to live here. I haven't paid regard to the goods but everything else is split.
I take us everywhere we need to go in the car. It isn't a problem. I do pick up and drop him off to places whenever he needs to.

We fortunately didn't have a deposit to pay so there isn't any issue there.
I have offered a compromise of paying for the white goods but he wants to keep them so I am at a loss of what to do?!

Obviously you must not give him this money. It was agreed to verbally because you were both going to be living there and enjoying these items. Now, only he will benefit so obviously you cannot and should not pay him. Just don't engage with him, get out of there asap, do NOT give him your new address, block him and move on with your life.

Just fob him off and tell him you'll pay him back something when you've got the money and get the hell out. The words he's using against you are horrific

0nce you are out you then don't have to pay him anything ! He's not got a leg to stand on

You agreed you would pay him back half, that means you also wanted to spend that money at the time but didn't have your share. You really should still pay it imo

You’ve been paying your share for living there. He wants you to pay half for fixtures and fittings he is going to keep. Your agreement to pay half was based on the assumption that you would be living there and using them. Personally I would just tell him that your half of the stuff doesn’t come free of charge. If he doesn’t want to pay for it, I would take half of it. Divide the white goods at equal value he gets the cooker and washing machine, you get the fridge freezer and dishwasher- however it works out best. You take half the blinds and rip up half the flooring and take that.

Or he could just accept he is now the sole owner and pay for them.

This ^

You made a financial commitment. You need to pay.

I don't think that you taxiing him around can be considered part of the equation here. You did that because you were in a relationship with him & chose to do that rather than him getting public transport or a taxi. I don't think that you can retrospectively say 'but I drove you here and now I want that to be taken into consideration'.

A compromise might be fair. IE you pay 25-30% of the cost. I don’t think leaving him with the whole bill is fair. Alternatively you pay 75-80% but you stay in the house.

So he wants the cash? I'd say get lost to that. You are not obliged to pay for goods that you won't have the benefit from.

I wouldn’t have told him I was moving and would have just left and blocked him.
Personally, I wouldn’t now inform him of the day you are going, just disappear with the cats when he’s out.

I already feel like such a fucking failure in life the fact I'm in debt and yet another failed relationship. I desperately wish that it had worked out but it hasn't. I feel like I'm being made to feel (from him and now on here) that I'm a money grabbing scumbag who has taken everything from him when it isn't the case at all.
I've gone from being happy expecting a baby and moving in to a house with my partner, to having an abortion because it was the right thing to do, not bringing a baby into the world with constant arguments as a couple and my whole life crumbling.
I am going to be in a worse financial situation when/if I move. I'm not saying he is going to be absolutely flush because he isn't, but why would I pay for something I haven't got?!! He won't move and let me pay for it all. Because I've also offered that. I've said I will take out a bigger loan to give him the whole amount of money back for all the goods because they would obviously be mine. But he wants to stay.

You agreed to pay, so yes you should pay IMO. Or at least some of it.

I'm absolutely not saying that. Someone asked me if I drive him and I said yes I do. It isn't and has never been a problem. I would never equate that to this.

Just to expand, you paying half for something you’ll receive no benefit from is off, but so is walking away completely from something you committed to. I’d write to him and offer a reduced payment, stating the above. If he still digs his heels in then that then becomes his problem.

A simple question but do people actually read and understand posts?

no where does the op say she has been living rent and bill free. What she does say is that when she moved in her oartner did new blinds and floors and she was to pay half of those costs in due course

So why do people automatically assume op has paid for nothing?

the question being asked is about the floors and blinds, not anything else, and in this case I don’t think she owes anything as she can’t take it with her

In that case I wouldn't pay him back. He bought something in a property he'll own and keep the value for.

Sounds like he was probably a jerk to you as well.

That sounds too polite but yes, he should do one, especially as @Cuppatealover lost their baby

how can he be so callous, you're making a lucky escape @Cuppatealover