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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 22:17

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 21:40

The ops choices are her own. I don’t think I could give a baby up for adoption nor would I want to have a child with a man who’d proven himself to be abusive, tethering myself for the next 18 years. It takes real strength to make such a difficult decision.

Absolutely right, and that decision is deeply personal to every woman who has to make it and doesn't have to be justified or explained to anyone else.

CrumbsInMyBra · 07/09/2025 22:19

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 21:48

Why is she being unreasonable the items will belong to him. Why should she pay? You want her to humiliate herself. On top of that he will be buying the housing association property. I don't get your point. She's clearly with a narcissist if he wants paying for the items that he will be keeping.

Try reading the ops posts instead then you will get a clearer picture.

Edited
Show quote history

The OP is being unreasonable because she moved in with her partner at the beginning of the year and agreed with him that they would split the costs of doing this rental property up. The OP’s partner put the money up for the renovations and now we are at the tail end of the year, the relationship has sadly broken down and OP has decided she must now move out but has not paid her share of the renovations which presumably were done some time when they had just moved in i.e. towards the beginning of the year.

You’ve concluded that OP’s partner is a narcissist and injected your own personal feelings into this post rather than holding an objective view but I view this all the same irrespective of this situation being linked to a relationship breakdown. If the other character in this situation had been a friend and the friendship had broken down or perhaps an acquaintance that she was simply sharing the rental property with, I would still think OP is being unreasonable for not upholding her side of the agreement which was to pay half towards the renovations which I assume she has had the benefit of enjoying for the past couple of months. Having said that, I do also sympathise with the emotional difficulties and poor financial situation OP now finds herself facing.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 22:19

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 21:53

I haven’t made any nasty personal attacks on OP.
But yes I knew it would he sone other ridiculous PP reporting me

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, you have, which is why they were deleted.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 22:21

LemondrizzleShark · 07/09/2025 22:02

I’m just agog you have replaced all the floors in a rental. I would go mad if my tenants did that! And I’d want my old blinds putting back up when you left and any damage to the frames/brickwork from your fittings all made good.

Do you offer "Rent to Buy" agreements then?

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 22:33

I think a lot of it depends if the renovations and upgrades were planned due to the pregnancy or if he was planning on doing them anyways.

OP was well within her right to have the termination BUT it’s unrealistic to expect him to be happy with it if he didn’t want the abortion to take place. I think most men would be devastated for a pregnancy to end for a wanted baby at that gestation. I’m not saying it’s acceptable how he’s responding but hardly surprising.

OP, only if you can afford it and if the upgrades were mainly planned due to the pregnancy then I would offer a small token towards it, certainly not half though. I’d also go stay with family if that’s an option while you wait for your move. All the best.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 22:35

CrumbsInMyBra · 07/09/2025 22:19

The OP is being unreasonable because she moved in with her partner at the beginning of the year and agreed with him that they would split the costs of doing this rental property up. The OP’s partner put the money up for the renovations and now we are at the tail end of the year, the relationship has sadly broken down and OP has decided she must now move out but has not paid her share of the renovations which presumably were done some time when they had just moved in i.e. towards the beginning of the year.

You’ve concluded that OP’s partner is a narcissist and injected your own personal feelings into this post rather than holding an objective view but I view this all the same irrespective of this situation being linked to a relationship breakdown. If the other character in this situation had been a friend and the friendship had broken down or perhaps an acquaintance that she was simply sharing the rental property with, I would still think OP is being unreasonable for not upholding her side of the agreement which was to pay half towards the renovations which I assume she has had the benefit of enjoying for the past couple of months. Having said that, I do also sympathise with the emotional difficulties and poor financial situation OP now finds herself facing.

Show quote history

It wasn’t renovations though he bought stuff floors, blinds, white goods. It’d make sense if OP pays half and gets half ie the white goods but he wants to keep everything and get half the money.

Honestly if he took me to small claims I’d ask for half of every carpet.

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 22:35

Also I highly doubt he could take you to a small claims court if there is nothing in writing. You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. Unless there is physical proof of you declaring you will pay half, he can claim nothing.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 22:36

CrumbsInMyBra · 07/09/2025 22:19

The OP is being unreasonable because she moved in with her partner at the beginning of the year and agreed with him that they would split the costs of doing this rental property up. The OP’s partner put the money up for the renovations and now we are at the tail end of the year, the relationship has sadly broken down and OP has decided she must now move out but has not paid her share of the renovations which presumably were done some time when they had just moved in i.e. towards the beginning of the year.

You’ve concluded that OP’s partner is a narcissist and injected your own personal feelings into this post rather than holding an objective view but I view this all the same irrespective of this situation being linked to a relationship breakdown. If the other character in this situation had been a friend and the friendship had broken down or perhaps an acquaintance that she was simply sharing the rental property with, I would still think OP is being unreasonable for not upholding her side of the agreement which was to pay half towards the renovations which I assume she has had the benefit of enjoying for the past couple of months. Having said that, I do also sympathise with the emotional difficulties and poor financial situation OP now finds herself facing.

Show quote history

Let's not forget that he has also called her a baby killer and other unsavoury things because she had an abortion. He should get nothing. He is buying the property and yet he believes he deserves more. She will not be bringing any of the items with her it will all belong to him. He is trying to coerce money out of her that she doesn't have. A lot of decent men would have walked or packed her bags and ask her to leave. This is all about control and humiliation. Personally, I don't think he wants her to leave he is punishing her.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 22:38

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 22:35

It wasn’t renovations though he bought stuff floors, blinds, white goods. It’d make sense if OP pays half and gets half ie the white goods but he wants to keep everything and get half the money.

Honestly if he took me to small claims I’d ask for half of every carpet.

Show quote history

Exactly he is trying to punish her.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 22:38

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 22:35

Also I highly doubt he could take you to a small claims court if there is nothing in writing. You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. Unless there is physical proof of you declaring you will pay half, he can claim nothing.

He has to show proof to the court or the judge will throw it out.

incognitomummy · 07/09/2025 22:44

OP. Hope you are ok. Sounds like a helluva year.

transfer £200 (or whatever is a reasonable cost of use of the white goods)

confirm this in writing (via email)
then leave. Immediately.
Stay with a friend. Put the cats in cattery (or the borrow my doggy equivalent)
do not give him your new address.

block him on all social media. Email. Phone etc.

go improve your bank balance and your MH.

note: it sounds like you are well rid of someone who was not suitable to be your long term life partner nor father to your children.

you dodged a bullet there.

enjoy the rest of your life.
Best of luck.

DonnyBurrito · 07/09/2025 22:48

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 22:38

He has to show proof to the court or the judge will throw it out.

Show quote history

The agreement was made with the understanding that she would have ownership of half of everything. If he has sole ownership, that agreement is no longer applicable. She wasn't offering half payment as a gift, it was for half ownership of the goods. If she had have paid already, she could have taken him to small claims for her half of the money back.

TheSaltedCaramelPath · 07/09/2025 22:55

OP you could give him a response something like this (adjust the figures as appropriate):
He wants you to pay half - £1500?
Tell him the life-cycle of the combined items is 5 years / so that’s £300 per annum / so £25 per month.
between March and Seltember, you have had 7 months use - so you could offer £175 and that’s the end of it.

He might not have an answer to that.

In reality the items more likely to last 10 years rather than 5….but adjust as you wish.

Silvertulips · 07/09/2025 22:59

So he paid £1500 for goods.

If you paid half, £750 - then you would own half.

He would then have to buy them off you as you won’t have use of your half.

Now imagine he has to sell them to give you your half.

You sell for £1000 and receive £500 each.

He now has to buy the goods again for £1500

Does that make financial sense?

DonnyBurrito · 07/09/2025 23:03

TheSaltedCaramelPath · 07/09/2025 22:55

OP you could give him a response something like this (adjust the figures as appropriate):
He wants you to pay half - £1500?
Tell him the life-cycle of the combined items is 5 years / so that’s £300 per annum / so £25 per month.
between March and Seltember, you have had 7 months use - so you could offer £175 and that’s the end of it.

He might not have an answer to that.

In reality the items more likely to last 10 years rather than 5….but adjust as you wish.

If she did that, it wouldn't be her paying the entire £25 per month, it would only be half. So 12.5 per month.

If he hadn't been horrible to her, that gesture of goodwill would be acceptable. But he has been horrible, so the goodwill is gone and she should walk away entirely.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 07/09/2025 23:11

@Cuppatealover He could move and then you'd pay him for the items, correct? Well, you have to move away from this abusive POS, so you owe him nothing. If he has bought the flat at the end of years, he can sell it and will make much more than he spent. You won't make anything from it so he can pound salt.

Also, if he wasn't an abusive, disrespectful, nasty-assed twat waffle, you might not have moved so soon.

Offer him a tissue for his issue, move out and reclaim your life.

Rainbows41 · 07/09/2025 23:12

First I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss 🌸🌸💕
Secondly you are doing the right thing not to pay him. You are grieving for the child you didn't get to keep. Moving out is going to be the best thing for you. Don't look back. Xx

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 22:35

Also I highly doubt he could take you to a small claims court if there is nothing in writing. You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. Unless there is physical proof of you declaring you will pay half, he can claim nothing.

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Longingdreamer · 07/09/2025 23:17

Can you not have a discussion as adults and make a compromise?

You did benefit from the purchases for the time you were living there. He will continue to benefit when you leave.

Could you agree to pay a quarter of the cost, for example?

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:21

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Show quote history

Have you bothered to read the ops posts. What you have said is disgusting. Be daring somewhere else if you can't be bothered to read.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:22

Longingdreamer · 07/09/2025 23:17

Can you not have a discussion as adults and make a compromise?

You did benefit from the purchases for the time you were living there. He will continue to benefit when you leave.

Could you agree to pay a quarter of the cost, for example?

He called her a baby killer and other names because she had a abortion. Are you a woman or a man?

BoundaryGirl3939 · 07/09/2025 23:27

Who wanted the house blinds, new floors and appliances?

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:27

"Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮"

You're not born stupid go and read a book put something in your head.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:28

BoundaryGirl3939 · 07/09/2025 23:27

Who wanted the house blinds, new floors and appliances?

He wants to buy it from the housing association.

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:30

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Show quote history

Are you illiterate? I said she should pay towards it further up.

Logistically how is he going to get his money if he doesn’t have the agreement in writing? I’ve been fleeced before and know without any physical proof, it’s he said she said.