For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

Tell him if your paying half your taking half the items and half the blinds in which case he needs to buy new ones for himself so you may as well pay nothing and he keeps the lot.

Do you have family to turn to this sounds so toxic. You need to leave sooner if you can.

Yes, exactly, if he fails the affordability assessment and has to leave OP will pay him half, but that seems to be irrelevant to him and he wants her to pay half regardless and has threatened to take her to small claims court if she doesn't. (Of course, unless he has evidence of their agreement the claim would be a non-starter.)

"Idiocy to pat to fit out a rented house imo."

Well, it depends.
My rental flat came with a fridge and an ice box, but not proper freezer. There's no washing machine. Would I be an idiot to buy a freezer and washing machine? I think not.

It also came with horrible old dirty blinds and I'm keeping those because it would be extremely difficult for me to take them anywhere else. On the other hand, I may put up some thick curtains at some point...

After what he said to her "a baby killer." Fuck that you can have whatever opinion you want about abortion. The op shouldn't have to pay no more money she should leave.

@Invigoron OP is not an incubator. She’s a person. She has the right to choose what to do with her body.

You can’t say you are pro choice and then suggest you feel OP should have chosen differently. That’s not pro choice.

This place is toxic. I can't believe you have to explain that to a stranger. Words fail me.

Leave that's the only answer. Run as far as you can. Don't give this cunt anymore money and fuck him off.

Hope you are ok OP. The troglodyte’s on here are definitely not ok. Ignore them. Good luck to you.

The man is an idiot. If he is keeping all the stuff then obviously you shouldn't pay for half of it, as you are going to need your own stuff in your new place, and presumably he's not offering to pay you half of those costs . It's a bit odd to pay for flooring in a rental in any case.

The items belong to him. He wants to humiliate you. Please leave.

On the continent abortion beyond 14 weeks is generally only when mother is at risk etc. I think UK & Netherlands are exceptions to rest of Europe.

Madness

A verbal contract is a contract. It is your agreement. The fact is you agreed to pay half these costs to make this rental a home with your DP. You then got pregnant, so this was an investment in your, his and your future family's future to have a nice home.

Assumedly you were party to selecting the blinds, white goods & other stuff also. So you weren't passive in this.

Subsequently, the relationship was working out like you wanted it to, so for that reason, & others apparently, you then aborted your baby, (late trimester), decided to leave your DP & move out to a new place of your own, & now you also want to renege on the (verbal) agreement you made to pay for half the furnishings & white goods together.

These are the facts. As far as I can gather. Is this correct!?

I think YABVU, because while it is your prerogative to change your mind on your baby, relationship, rental share & moving out ultimately, it is not your right to break your promise to pay for previously mutually agreed expenditure imho.

Your partner may not get to stay in this house because of your actions. You have really messed up his life already, and now you don't want to pay for the promises you made, as well. This is not on, & is slimey on so many levels.

I think the fair deal out of this would be:

1. If he's allowed to stay in the rental: to offer to sell your half of these goods to your ex partner, and so only pay him the net amount for depreciation & usage to date (say 30-50% of what you might have paid for half would be fair enough imho)
2. If he's not approved to stay in this flat, to fully pay your share of mutually agreed flat expenditure , which in fairness your soon to be ex DP acquired for ye all in good faith. As agreed.

The choice is yours OP, you can choose to be a spineless, ex DP who fups up their ex DP's life, leaves him, aborts his baby, moves out &forces him out through assessment, & then welches on their finances agreement also, or you can try to come to a fair deal to at least leave with some good faith & perhaps retain some (self) respect.

I know which one I would do ....

I’m not sure why people are giving the man a hard time wrt decorating the house - he found out his DP was pregnant and wanted to ensure the housing was comfortable and suitable. That’s the bare minimum I’d say.

wrt the money being spent - I would usually say you should honour your word, but really tbe answer depends on what would have happened if you had already paid, and were splitting up. My personal belief is he should foot the bill as he is the man, and the house would have housed his child but that is neither here nor there now.

Do they have a mental health risk exception too?
I had an abortion at 20 weeks in very similar circumstances to the OP.
My baby was loved and grieved for, but I stand by mu decision.

Leave the OP alone and come chase me!

I assumed there was already written discussion of the debt and so a written evidence of sensible offers for resolution is a good idea.

Of course if there is no written evidence of the debt then no, shut up, say nowt, deny everything!

You have no idea whether this applies to OP or not. Pro choice as long as it meets your personal criteria.

Sweden allows abortion up to 18 weeks.

Lets be frank - the outliers to the rest of Europe, as far as abortion is concerned, are Malta and Poland, where abortion isn’t allowed. They didn’t even want to allow abortion even if the life of the mother is at risk. They would rather allow their citizens to die (whether through pregnancy or back street abortions). This should be a bigger concern to you.

No one wants to chase you.

How uninteresting, we live in the UK

Op hasn't explained why she had an abortion. Some people believe that you shouldn't have an abortion regardless maybe he is one of those people. I don't want to challenge how people feel about abortion. I don't think the op should remain in the house. I don't think she should pay him for what he will keep.

Is she American?

There isn’t any country in Europe that allows abortion beyond 14 weeks except Nordics ( 18!weeks) and uk & NL

Who?