To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

It’s half yours if you were to get divorced anyway. So yes, I don’t necessarily think you should be splitting it down the middle but you should be benefiting from it whether through a big chunk of the mortgage, holidays, etc.

How much is it?

I wouldn’t share. It’s his fun money and he did what he considers fun. It’s up to him if he wants to share.

Why don’t you start investing then?

YABU and grabby. If I’d taken the time and effort to learn how to do this I’d take a dim view of my DH wanted to dictate to me how I should spend that money. You say you’re financially stable, so there’s no real need. You just sound jealous.

You agreed this was HIS fun money pot and he took a risk with his and it paid off so it goes back into his fun pot.

You also have your fun pot and couls have done the same?

What did you spend your "fun money" on? Did you use it to benefit you both?

Maybe if he/you didn't talk about "fun money" then he would probably be mature enough to spend it wisely.

This is another case of a marriage where the two partners are living separate financial lives. I don't get it. Why do women end up like this ?

How much? 100 ish, then it’s his. If it’s thousands then I’d say some should be used for family stuff

Presumably you wouldn’t be offering to top up his fun money if he’d made a loss on his crypto investment, and when you saw his crypto doing well you didn’t get into it yourself with your own fun money? Tough OP, you can’t sit on your hands then benefit from someone else’s good fortune.

Would you have covered half of it had it been lost?

You say he used his fun money, which implies you both have a set amount to do as you please? He has chosen a bit of a gamble with his by investing in crypto, it's paid off and he's got some cash (how much is somewhat relevant here too, few hundred from a tenner investment or hundreds of thousands).

But you also say he has been paying off small amounts of the mortgage whilst also treating himself to some bits, has he taken all his money out of crypto or is he letting it continue to be invested?

I'm torn because I know my DH would share with me and the household, but I don't ever expect him to share.

Yes, as PP, we need to know (at least roughly) how much.

When you say 'overpay small parts of the mortgage', do you mean he gained £250,000 and paid £2,000 of the mortgage - or was it that he only got a relatively small amount in the first place?

I think the issue is that he doesn’t consider you at all.

If we are talking about a significant sum of money, then I think he should share.

He’s paid some towards the mortgage, so he’s not totally irresponsible.

Maybe OP could contribute her ‘fun money’ to the pot or ask her DH to show her how to do it - I would! And then she could share in the reward. As it is, she hasn’t taken the risks or contributed anything but still has her hand out because she’s jealous.

I really think YABU here. Presumably you’ve spent your fun money on things for you - the reason he’s spent his on Crypto is to see if he can make more from it, which you obviously could too - and he’s keeping it there to see if it makes more.

It’d be a bit mean (but still fair IMO) if he cashed it all in and spent it all on himself now, but what’s the problem with keeping the money where it is and using small amounts for what he wants/overpaying the mortgage.

Why has my post been hidden when it says pretty much the same as @PoshDuckQuarkQuark ?

I don’t think the amount makes any difference.

this was agreed as HIS fun money to do with as he pleased.

@Myy did you use your fun money for family things?

What a weird way to love. I couldn’t fathom having something and being content to not let me partner enjoy it to. What are his better parts?

Do you spend your fun money on him? And didn’t you say that he has overpaid on the mortgage. So the windfall does benefit you. He’s spent some of his extra money on a joint investment - have you ever made overpayments on the mortgage? What do you want exactly from him? You could just ask him for a present if you want one.

Mine would have. But we had a shared aim to pay off the mortgage as soon as possible. That naturally meant the first thought either of us had for any work bonus or other windfall was ‘take some off the mortgage’.

Without that context already being a shared goal, I’m Team DH - he did what he wanted to do with his ‘fun money’ and it paid off, and from your OP he HAS used some of it to pay off some mortgage.

YANBU

When either of us get a bonus at work, we usually buy something nice for ourselves (say 10-15% of bonus pot) and put the rest in the joint account.

I'd do the same here.

My OH would put some of it toward joint fun..eg holidays. I wouldn't expect him to share it all. I did the same when I found an old bank account I'd forgotten about with £5k in it.

Why do men end up like this as well. They were in the same situation.

They aren't living separate financial lives. They had equal fun money. It's just OP's dh invested his. OP could have done the same. She chose not to.

My ex spent his fun money mostly on car racing. I bought two very personal items I knew would appreciate in value. I didn't share them when we split.