To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

I think if you’re not going to share money fully then this is what happens and he’s perfectly entitled to spend how he wants. That must have been the general agreement when you both allocated yourself individual pots of money to spend how you like.

It’s not the way we work as a family, everything goes in one pot and we buy what we like. We have a similar attitude to money though.

There are tax implications when he sells his crypto. Is he keeping the amounts he is selling to withdraw small enough to keep below the tax threshold and the rest of it in there to potentially earn more?

This, I can't understand this. And I hate the phrase fun money.

Agreed.

Although your marriage means it is half yours, it sounds like the agreement between you is that you each get something to do with a you please. DH and I have the same arrangement. He's growing his money to fund care when he's older. Whilst I would like to use some of it on household repairs, I also respect (and will benefit from) how he's using his money. However, even if he was only using it to buy less important things, that would still be his right under or agreement. Likewise, I don't run my purchases that come out of my money by him.

He should do something nice for you both. He has, because he's put more into the mortgage. Is it a case of he wants it to stay fun money and you want it used practically? Then no, he doesn't have to do that. Unless you have a bit of plastering etc that blights your life every day. My DP is lucky on the grand national. He takes us out for food/drinks the next day. He had a big payout and we picked a reasonable holiday between us (£950 each), he paid.

I wouldn't demand he share but I'd be devastated he didn't immediately offer to.

You're not a unit are you? You're seperate people with a financial arrangement and under yhe arrangement thats his money so he has no obligation to share. That's not what I'd want from a life partner, I'd be considering a different future.

@Meadowfinch well whatever works is fine I guess. It just doesn't seem like people are committed to each other when they have their own pots of money. If they are married, then it's jointly owned. If it works to have separate pots, good for them. If it does. I'm not sure that it actually does though.

I am old and probably old fashioned, but I do not understand how this works. What happened to 'All that I have I share with you' and 'For richer and for poorer'. We've always pooled our money, put the bills and other essential outgoings first and then bloody well enjoyed any left over equally and together.

It's not very generous spirited to have a windfall and not share it with the person you love most in the world.

So if he lost all of his money would you have given him half / all of it out of your pot?

my DH and I share all money so any money he makes on investments is mine too. My friends don’t share money. It really depends on your usual relationship but without more information you sound entitled and a bit grabby tbh.

If you are married then everything is shared. Profits and losses.
That is what marriage is.
"All my worldly goods I thee endow". The sentiment should hold whatever the wording. Along with "Sickness and Health".

I take it you have equal fun money to do with as you please.

He chose to invest some of his in crypto. You presumably haven't done that. His fun money, his crypto and his gains. He can do as he pleases, though if it's a sizeable gain then it would be possible to argue that he should use it for the benefit of the whole family, and I imagine he will.

My DH invests in crypto. He does often share his gains and any that are made later this year are earmarked for work which needs done on our house (mortgage is paid off). I don't expect it, but we both know the urgency of some of this.

I'm not sure what you dont understand

Many women are financially abused. Some men will clear out joint accounts if they walk away from a marriage. Many women feel more financially secure with a separate account.

I'm married to a decent man but I'll never put all my money in a joint accout.

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As per the terms of your financial set up, he's under no obligation. The money was his to spend, save or generate more money for himself. However, if I had a windfall I'd want to share it with my partner and family. The fact your H takes more pleasure from treating himself than including you speaks of a character type I'd not be happy being married to.

How much

It would be a nice thing to do but you shouldn't expect it. It was his risk - if he'd lost it you wouldn't be affected.

Why? It's his money! Leave the poor guy alone, OP.

I think it's a very odd relationship when you don't share things like that, at least part of it.

verpay small amounts of the mortgage
at least, he's done that.

But even when you don't share finances, its' so weird not to use the money to go away together, or celebrate together.

I don't think he should do anything, but that kind of relationship wouldn't be for me.

In principle, no. It was his "fun" money, he chose to use it to invest in cryptocurrency, the investment paid off, the profits are his. I'm sure you'd take a dim view if he'd lost money on a "fun" hobby and wanted you to sacrifice your personal spending money to help him pay the debt.

In practice, probably yes. If it's a large amount, and you're married and have shared financial commitments, the resentment caused by him swanning around in a Porsche or a Rolex while the mortgage remains unpaid, or not offering to pay for something you'd both enjoy, could be very destructive to your relationship and no amount of money is worth that.

Completely depends on the amount.

If it is just a few hundred I understand that he would just want to do something fun.

If it is a larger sum that would make a real difference to the family finances then yes it should be used more practically.

But the mortgage isn’t unpaid and he has even overpaid some of it. So she is already benefiting from his shrewd investment. Has she ever overpaid the mortgage from her ‘fun’ money?

It sounds very self serving, I get the idea of having your own money, but if either of us came into money in this way we’d want to treat the other or invest some of it in a way that benefits both.. it seems selfish to not offer.

for all the people saying it’s his investment and his money, if OP bought a lottery ticket with her fun money and won a large amount, would you think it was right that she kept it all to herself and didn’t offer to share?

DH and I always share bonus money - gifts, extra earnings, windfalls etc. Not necessarily 50:50, the recipient might have a bigger purchase they want to use it for but we also buy gifts for the other, go for a meal out, put towards holiday etc. We find it more enjoyable indulging ourselves when that's shared.

Just thank DH for making the extra payments that he has already paid into the mortgage. Tell him he was generous because he was.
You could ask him for some tips as to where you could spend your fun money.

It's impossible to judge without knowing the amounts, and what the amounts might mean to the family.

Come on, spill the beans!!