To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

You haven't answered what you chose to do with your fun money.

I think it's a bit off of you to have agreed that all us joint except the fun money and each partner is free to do as they wish with it but then when you've enjoyed spending yours while he's invested his you decide he should share!

Crypto investing could easily have gone the other way. I have a feeling you wouldn't have wanted to share any losses.

Perhaps I'm a bit needled by this thread because we have a similar arrangement - joint for household and kids stuff but separate for surplus/discretionary spending or saving. I tend to save, husband fritters. But this means if we have a major household expense like renovation or fancy an extra holiday, I end up paying because I've got the money and he's spent his. It does rankle somewhat. He also moans that my pension is much better than his because I overpay into it but he'll also benefit from the eventual income into the household from that too.

He saved and invested his money. You could have done the same.

I wouldn't share, and I think you are unreasonable to expect him to.

I did start my original post by saying I might be old fashioned.

This is exactly how we do it. Everything into joint account, from where all bills / joint expenses are paid. Then "fun money" into our own accounts to do with what we want. DH has some money in crypto, but I think it's less than 100 so not worthy of sharing. If it was 100k I'd probably think differently. How much is it?

So he doesn't actually have "a windfall", he has the amount of crypto he bought that is now worth more sterling than when he bought it.

If/when he decides to sell, that is the time to discuss what he does with the money.

If you are worried that the value might go down in future, you can, of course, advice and suggest, but it seems very like you are wanting him to sell his property for your personal benefit.

Do make sure tho that if its worth a significant amount that he has dealt with inheritance planning.

Ask him to invest some of your money.
I don't understand much about crypto.
I see it takes time and mental energy for anyone who has invested.
BIL is obsessive with his
It's his, he earned it.

Why was my post above hidden immediately? Wasn't even time for MNHQ to review it 🤨

I see lots of hidden posts on this thread, 2 directly after mine - I guess there's a trigger word... Cry Pto? Funny considering this is what the whole thread is about 🙄

Mine too. Must be a glitch.

It seems to have happened with several posts on the thread.

How does this kind of plan work if one partner buys a Euromillions ticket with their money and wins the jackpot? Both partners would have entirely different lifestyles.

Be happy for him and enjoy his success. If you're jealous and just he will not share a penny. He doesn't have to pay off the mortgage. It's his bonus windfall. I would be booking mini breaks and nice meals out though 😀

Can’t imagine not sharing anything with my DH, good or bad….

We are a team.

@honeylulu I see your post above mine is back.... supports my trigger word theory.

Edit: my post is back now too!

Yes, this. I find it so strange that in marriages and partnerships women are described as “grabby” just because they think finances should be shared. I don’t understand how that works on a day to day basis. Does it literally mean that the DH will buy himself an expensive new phone or go on an expensive holiday while the rest of the family go without those things?

I occasionally do the lottery

If, by some miracle I ever won a substantial amount of money, I couldn't imagine that I wouldn't discuss what do with it for the benefit of both of us

We're a partnership, not just two adults living together

Because I prefer it that way? Because I am more financially secure should dh leave or die?

o/p it’s his money. It is still benefitting the household as he is spending his windfall for his fun money, rather than taking it out of income.

dh is due a windfall. About 100k. It’s his. He will spend a bit for fun and wants to put the rest away for his retirement. Which indirectly will benefit me as we will have a higher household income in retirement.

you could have been investing your fun money as he did. Presumably you chose to spend it. That’s on you.

How is paying off the mortgage a 'personal benefit'?

I'm going to hazard a guess that the amount involved is somewhat less than hundreds of millions of pounds so this whataboutery isn't relevant. It would be good to know roughly how much we are talking about but even if it's a hundred grand, so long as the husband is basically being sensible with it - and it sounds like he is - then I can't see that the OP has much to complain about. If he was pissing away tens of thousands while the roof needed fixing and the OP couldn't afford shoes that would be different.

Regardless of my feelings on the OP (which I’m in two minds about!) just replying to your comment about hobbies and interests.

Can you not imagine that people can have a joint account and all their finances are joint, but they are just able
to pay for their hobbies and interests out of that and it’s all fine?

And that people can even have different interests and different levels of expenditure from each other in a a couple and as long as everyone’s happy and it can all be afforded then it doesn’t actually matter if one person spends slightly more than the other?

We do similar. It's freeing to have a pot of money I can spend/fritter without feeling I need to justify it or be rational. DH buys all sorts of useless (to me) shit as do I, but I do invest a chunk of mine. I like knowing it is there. I have withdrawn lumps in the past to overpay and then pay off the mortgage (which was a joint goal we were both focussed on). I have paid for some extra-fancy trips with it which our holiday fund would not have covered. DH is aware I have extra-marital savings, but not the value. He doesn't ask for it to be spent, but I would cover a need which we couldn't afford from joint finances. He understands that (given my background) that I find it a great comfort to have assets behind me. We are largely on the same page financially - same goals and outlook. But I enjoy investing, so it is a hobby and he finds it boring. If I was being nagged to spend it, I think I would become very secretive about it, and the "hobby" would become more pressured and less fun. So OP, leave your DH alone. He is doing what he wants with his personal spending pot, and is contributing to the household economy with his investments which he has no obligation to do. He could have spent it all on hookers and coke and there would be no mortgage overpayments... Be greatful.

OP said he could make a 'significant' payment on their mortgage so it must be a tidy sum.

So it’s not a windfall yet then?

i have an isa I chuck spare money into. Over 30 years we’ve been married it’s built up.

should I cash it in and give half to dh so we can spend in on fun?

it’s my money. It’s invested for emergencies, retirement, the future.

i’d rather keep it invested and retire 5 years earlier than spend it all now. maybe that’s your Dh’s plan as well?

If you have a setup where you have separate "fun money" well no he shouldn't share it, you could have done the same with your money but you chose to spend yours on something else. If you had completely joint finances (we have this setup) well it's everyone's to share and we'd decide jointly what it is spent on. You can't have it both ways, either it's 1 pot or you have your separate money. He's overpaid the mortgage so he has shared it anyway.

Exactly. So if your DH wins the Euromillions with a ticket he paid for out of his "fun money" he'd be entitled to buy a yacht, a pink rolls royce and go out to the Ritz for lunch every day - all without his wife and family.

If he’d lost his money would you have given him half?