To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

Why on earth do any of you get married if his money isn’t yours too? What do you mean he won’t share money ??? Very strange

If the husband had spent his fun money on the euro millions and won £30 million it would, legally be half hers.

i don’t fully understand why people are saying she’s being grabby?

That’s your money. Marriage is maintain a financial agreement. You're no longer an independent financial entity. So yes you have every right to demand half or dictate how he spends it. He's not free, neither are you.

Stuff like this makes me feel physically ill. Freedom is joyous and makes life worth living.

I'll bite.

Met DH when we were in our mid 30's. I had a house. He didn't. Not only that, he was in a significant amount of debt. I didn't want to combine finances for those 2 reasons.

17 years on, he has cleared his debts, but he's one of life's spenders. Buys all sorts of rubbish, runs 3 cars just because he likes them. I'm not like that. I have one cheap little car and I'm a saver. I have significant savings. He doesn't.

If we combined finances, he would start spending my money. Why would that be good for me?

Works for us.

I love treating my husband and kids when I get a bonus. Often in the form of outings, memorabilia, stuff we wouldn't normally splurge on. I got my daughter a lovely digital piano keyboard and my husband some South American football merch recently. Giving presents is how I like to spend my spare cash.

It's because my brain gets a dopamine hit from giving (psychologists call it the helper's high) and doesn't mean I'm actually a good wife and mother. In a lot of ways I'm not. It's easier for me to be materially generous than to patiently listen to a rambling story, for example, and I am terrible at cleaning up vomit.

If he's a good and caring husband in other ways, the fact he is not generous with his personal money would not bother me.

Crypto is gambling.

I would want to 'take the profits' from it and secure your joint future

YABU

It’s his money and he invested it well and it paid off.
You could have chosen to do the same but you didn’t.
It’s likely that whilst he was investing his money, you were spending yours on things you like.

If it was a lot (which sounds like it is) then I would hope he’s buy me something like/take me on holiday but I wouldn’t expect it.

6 pages and the amount still not shared? It's hard to judge if we don't know how much.

He used his play money wisely and benefitted from it. If you want to see benefits from yours, you need to invest yours.

No its his. Why should he share.

That is a very traditional and Christian view of marriage. Not everyone shares these values and they are perfectly entitled not to.

no it wouldn’t, it would “legally” be his.

if they divorced it would be considered a marital asset and included in the financial pot, but otherwise she has no access to it.

she cannot, for example, go to the bank and move 15million to her own account. Married or not nobody can legally access someone else’s bank account and help themselves.

my house is in my sole name. It is not “legally” half Dh’s. If we split he could claim half, but otherwise he has no say, he can’t decide to sell, he wouldn’t get half the money if we did sell, and I can leave it to my kids, he gets no say in that either.

she’s being grabby in the same way that if she’d been putting her money aside and had accumulated a sum for her own needs, he can’t decide he wants to spend it now and she should give him half.

She wrote that he is taking out small amounts and letting the rest ride.
I also have some invested. I sold some of it and made £20k, if I kept it would be worth £400k. There is a whole subculture who think Bitcoin will hit £1m and will not cash in.

If you bought a lottery ticket with your fun money and won, would you share it with DH? I know I would, and I see this the same way. He should 100% share!

It is worth having a conversation around how that money can be used to better your family’s overall position. It’s not about ‘sharing’ as it not about you having a share - it’s about him using the money for the family benefit.
eg if he can take income of £’00 a month from it without drawing principal, he can direct that to the mortgage to pay it off quicker or free up funds for other investments / pensions etc.

Where would he/you like to be in 3 years? In 10? Surrounded by some toys or feeling happier about the family finances?

I don't understand when I read posts about his and her money, surely if you are married with children the money earned should be joint, when I see posts from Women having to ask their husband for money it baffles me, my Husband earns la ot more than me but not once have I ever noticed as what money we have is family money, neither of us need permission from the other to spend.

Nah it’s his money but I’d encourage him to invest it for retirement rather than fritter away

Yep, the legal bits of this post are spot on. I don't know where people are getting the idea from that if you're married then you automatically own half of your spouse's assets. If that were true there wouldn't be nearly as much for divorce lawyers to do.

This wasn't clear from your original post. If it's invested I don't think he should take a huge chunk out and share. Taking some for odd smaller things or mortgage payments is fine. Paying off a significant chunk isn't always a sensible choice if you have an overpayment limit.

if he took it all out and spent it all on himself I'd be disappointed (but then we also have kids).

you could ask him to help you invest some of your money?

I think it depends on how much. My dp and I have seperate finances but we work together on the bigger stuff, a few thousand it's really up to him but you would hope you are wanting the same goals and he would spend some on what benefits you all.

I've found it too. Even some of my own posts were briefly hidden though they are back now. They were quite innocuous and said nothing offensive.

It's irritating and ridiculous.

Ask him how he would feel if you bought a winning lottery ticket with your 'fun money' and felt it was solely yours, only buying yourself nice things.

Not really a partnership, is it, when someone behaves like that? It would change how I felt about him, that’s for sure.

@pinknailvarnish1 if you can make it work, that's great. I'm genuinely relieved you've not got the problems the Op has. Good stuff. I'm not saying it can't work, just that in the main, in my experience, it's not going to be a straight forward relationship.

Totally agree.