To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

Maybe you should have invested your fun money into the crypto as well, then you could have decided how to spend your windfall? Would you be covering half the losses if the cyrpto had went down significantly?

What crypto was it? Sorry for being so nosey.

If you don't share money, and this was his "fun money" then surely it's still his.
I don't get why people don't share money.

Definitely depends on the amount and circumstances. In effect he's saved his money and it's grown. You've spent your money so have had other benefits from it.

Although it's a bit off if the way you share out money means that he gets to spend well on his own luxuries while you still have a substantial mortgage or a thousand other household things that need paying for. Or all your money goes on house/DC so you don't have as much to spend/save.

But if you do have equal money and there's enough money for house/DC needs that means those things could be paid for if necessary, then it's up to him what he does with his investment.

We split our money in similar ways and DP is a spender and I'm a saver. We have equal spending money, he just spends all his, I buy everything I want, but it just costs a lot less and I've just put the leftover in a S&S ISA. We've been doing this for about 20 years and now I have over £50k that he doesn't know about, just because I spend a couple of hundred quid less than him each month on 'stuff'.

You can have a separate account but still share all the outgoings and windfalls equally.

It's up to him if he wants to share, but I'd also think it was a symptom of something seriously wrong if my life partner did not want to share a windfall with me.

It also depends on a number of other factors: how big the windfall is, whether up till now he's been stinting himself on things he wants out of respect for your joint finances, whatever previous agreements you made regarding finances, and so on. You said he is paying off the mortgage a little bit, so he's not completing ignoring his family responsibilities.

Well, if it's his 'fun money', what's the agreement the two of you have? It sounds to me like you each have a set amount that you can do whatever you want with and if you lose it, no harm no foul. But similarly if that money grows into something more, I'd say that's still his money.

I don’t think this is definitely true- I think it’s just their fun money so that’s the bit left over after all their joint expenses are paid for!!

If you’re not going to completely share money (an approach I agree with, despite the naysaying above) then this is a direct result of that. He gained it through his own efforts and initiative, and while it might be nice for you both to benefit from SOME of the windfall, I wouldn’t expect it.

Many years ago, when my mum died, I inherited 1/5 of her house, which tbh was nothing special, former council property where I grew up. My share went straight to bring down our joint mortgage.
My (ex) partner (ex for very different reasons) got a small inheritance from an aunt... she joliied off to see her friend in South Africa 😏

If you’re not going to completely share money (an approach I agree with, despite the naysaying above) then this is a direct result of that. He gained it through his own efforts and initiative, and while it might be nice for you both to benefit from SOME of the windfall, I wouldn’t expect it.

I assume it the investment had gone the other way, you’d have been happy to chip in to cover the losses?

All the PPs saying 'we pool all money and share it all together'...do none of you have your own hobbies, interests or social lives that you enjoy separately to your DH? I find that more odd than having some separate 'fun money' to do with as you please (as long as both partners have some).

Some overpayments have been on the mortgage. So he has shared it.

Why don't you actually talk to him about what he intends to do with the rest (it reads from your post that he's only withdrawn a small proportion and there may be a good reason for that) and suggest some practical uses which benefit you both?

Ultimately though, it's his 'fun money' and is up to him.

How much money did he get? Like, over 50,000? > 100,000?

Where do you get this? All I read is that each partner has their fun money to spend/fritter as they see fit

I would not be having a marriage like this where you each have 'fun' money and one person comes into a lot of money and squirrels it away from their spouse. What a horrible way to live

Depends how you do finances. I share with my partner as we are a couple.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle yes they each have their own pot of money and then they're surprised they need to ask random people why it's not working

We've always pooled our money, put the bills and other essential outgoings first and then bloody well enjoyed any left over equally and together.

That only works if both people have similar values, attitudes and spending habits.
Have you seen the recent threads where a poster wants to spend more on beauty treatments or days out, and the DH thinks she is being wasteful? What about if the man had an expensive hobby, or wants to go on weekends away for his hobby?
In such cases, each having a personal spending pot or 'fun money', separate from the joint account, is a very practical and fair solution.

If all the money is joint, does that mean DH can see exactly how much you spent on his birthday or Christmas present? No privacy and no surprises? That is a dreadful way to live IMHO.

Depends, investing in crypto is a risk. If instead of getting a windfall he’d lost everything he invested would you have shared half of your fun money with him?

How on earth do you know that? Classic mumsnet huge leap.

I can't imagine not reducing the mortgage & treating my OH tbh.

New car, holiday that we wouldn't usually do for example.

I think it really depends on how you have agreed to run your finances as a couple. If everything is usually shared, then yes, he should be sharing this. If not, then why should the rules be different just because he suddenly has more?

I don't think OP means that they only have separate finances. Normally on here couples each having their own "fun money" means that they have already paid the monthly agreed amount into a joint account to cover bills, food, expenses for children. Then they split the rest and have equal "fun money" paid into their individual accounts.

OP hasn't elaborated on the joint account issue, but I have the impression that it exists. It would clarify and remove confusion if she confirmed it or otherwise.

I think it's all very well some posters quoting marriage vows but sometimes marriages don't turn out how you'd expect but you don't realise until it's too late. It's sensible, after the joint bills/savings are paid, to have some separate money to have some autonomy over - particularly important for women who may be SAHMs or whose earnings have taken a hit because of this.

It would be nice if your DH treated you/the family with his windfall (as I would) but personally, I wouldn't expect it and neither would my DH.

It would be interesting to know if her DH had suggested jointly invest in Crypto, whether she'd have been willing to?!

It depends how your finances have been up to this point. With my OH, we share so I’ll gladly share or put it towards a family purchase. But you said this was his fun money, I’d argue it’s still his fun money and maybe he’ll treat you but don’t expect a share.