‘Backwards compliment’ from date, not sure if I was right to challenge it

[Cocktailsneeded]

I had a 4th date with a man last night who I really like. I was discussing my gym routine and explained I have lost quite a bit of weight and am now comfortable with my size (I’m a 12 now).

He said he really likes my figure because he likes having something to hold on to. Fine. He then said he was seeing someone who was really slim and it hurt when he ‘did her from behind’ (his words) as her bum was ‘boney’.

I said in reply I felt that was a bit of an unnecessary comment and he said sorry, he then sent me a long text earlier about it and seems to genuinely regret it.

I suppose I have two questions - would you have said something and do you think that if he’s genuinely sorry for saying it, you could overlook it? I’m still a bit conflicted, he has otherwise been brilliant.

No problem with that at all.

An ex said something similar - he was a PT, and was very complementary about my soft and squishy female body wobbly bits being preferable to the hard muscley women he worked with. Didn't bother me in the slightest, and I think I jokingly tapped his 6 pack in response and told him I liked his hard muscles.

I'd have laughed at the boney comment in the moment tbh, as I find it funny. And not thought anything more of it.

I get I'm going against most on this thread, but we're all different. Up to you if you decide you can't move past it and it warrants binning.

OP hasn’t mentioned her date’s popping muscles, might have been interesting to see how he’d respond if she said her ex had a huuuuge dick but she was fine if his was a bit smaller

Was thinking the same.
Lowering standards like this is very depressing.

Yuck he sounds disgusting. Nothing makes my fanny clamp shut faster than when they mention sex with other woman.

I think the “something to hold onto” and mentioning a skinnier ex partner are both negging. I had one ex who used to mock me for being skinny, meanwhile all of his other partners had been skinny too. I found the best thing to do is neg them back.

However in this instance I would just end things. I’ve become much stricter on who I will waste my young years on. One sniff of a misogynist prick of a cheater and I’m off.

@Cocktailsneeded

Oh gawd.

I had a few 'boyfriends' back in the day before I met my (now) DH who made stupid fucking comments like this. 'I really fancy you, I like a chunky arse,' and 'you've got a decent figure, but just another half a stone off would do you some justice.'

And my favourite one... I was dating a bloke once and I said 'I am really warm,' (it was July and around 30C, and we were in a pub with no aircon,) and he said 'that will be because you're carrying about a stone of extra weight.' I was no more than 9 stone 2, to 9 stone 6 with each one of these blokes (at 5 ft 4) and was absolutely fine. Why do these fuckers have to say ANYthing? Just fuck off man! I swear some men aren't happy unless you have your bones sticking out!

I doubt this bloke of yours meant to be nasty @Cocktailsneeded , but I'm afraid I would find this hard to move on from... 'I like you because you're fatter than my last girlfriend' is not cool is it, really?!

He's talking about how he feels having anal sex with another woman while he's on a date with you, and you're going to have another with him?

Honestly. Being single is fine. We don't have to put up with this shit, for one.

You could ask him how long his nipples are as one of your ex partners had little stubby ones and the clamps kept falling off when you led him around on the nipple leash.

I've got no time for men who think that being rude or negative about another woman's body shape is somehow complimentary to mine.

That's without even considering the other red flags in his statement.

It’s not the best thing he could have said have but he was clumsily trying to compliment you and put you at ease.

It would be the same as if he was self conscious of his height and you said you’d been with someone really tall and it wasn’t good because of X reason.

I would always proceed with caution as you don’t know anyone properly for a good 6 months but I wouldn’t end things over it.

Doing someone from behind is not anal sex. I mean, it could be, but in our common parlance, it's not.

Ewww

imagine how he'll talk about you if it ends and go from there

He let the mask slip and showed you who he really is.
Ick, ick, ick.

I mean, fine. You're right. But that's hardly the important part here. He's going on about 'doing' another woman while having dinner with OP, and she's like, "let me have more of that".

Expectations of men are at an all-time low at this point.

Never date a man who compares you to other women.

He showed you how his brain works and said to much. I don’t think it was a backhanded compliment. He is interested in one thing.

Agreed 100% giant red flag

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I think it is more worrying you need to ask in the first place, do you honestly not think is revolting? When will woman learn

The way I read it was that he was seeing this other woman at the same time! Hope I’m wrong. But places like America (and here) people aren’t always exclusive and it’s common to date several ppl at the same time.

I wouldn't waste my time on a man who spoke about another woman like that.

Massive ick.

So he's shagging you both? Is he calling you fat to her? Raise the bar.

That was an inappropriate remark. He's obviously sorry he said it but what sort of person says things like that on a date to someone he doesn't know well. It's hardly impressive to talk about previous sexual conquests.

Don't see him again. He'll learn to be more discreet in future.

Crude, neggy and horrible, run away.

Yuck. He’s been on his best behaviour up until now but you’re starting to see who he really is - vulgar, crass, indiscreet.

Move on OP.