‘Backwards compliment’ from date, not sure if I was right to challenge it

[Cocktailsneeded]

I had a 4th date with a man last night who I really like. I was discussing my gym routine and explained I have lost quite a bit of weight and am now comfortable with my size (I’m a 12 now).

He said he really likes my figure because he likes having something to hold on to. Fine. He then said he was seeing someone who was really slim and it hurt when he ‘did her from behind’ (his words) as her bum was ‘boney’.

I said in reply I felt that was a bit of an unnecessary comment and he said sorry, he then sent me a long text earlier about it and seems to genuinely regret it.

I suppose I have two questions - would you have said something and do you think that if he’s genuinely sorry for saying it, you could overlook it? I’m still a bit conflicted, he has otherwise been brilliant.

I read it as him still seeing her. Another reason to bin him. - as if the comment itself wasn’t enough.

😂

His comment deserves a sick burn like this.

Yuck.🤮

Well done for calling him out, but I would tread carefully if you move forward with seeing him, boundary pushing and all that. Plus, what’s he going to say about you to the next woman.

Imagine all the other occasions he can ruin by saying something equally as appalling - if this is how he thinks …he’s given you fair warning

Thanks all, I think the fact that it has otherwise been great so far (and to be honest - how dire the dating pool is!) means I’ve probably let it slide when in the past I’d have been more concerned re. longer term. I think I’ll proceed with caution.

I would throw that one back in the pond if I were you

Jeeezus it must be cold out there!

Totally this. I’d wonder what sort of bloke he was really (a lot of blokes have a veneer of respectability that quickly vanishes once they’re with their mates or alone at home)!

It's tacky what he said.

Awful. Just run now op

@Cocktailsneeded can you confirm whether this is an ex or someone he is currently seeing alongside you as you are dating and not exclusive?

definitely proceed with caution and do not settle! Vibrators, pets, hobbies and wine exist and you do not need this.

Totally this. I’d wonder what sort of bloke he was really (a lot of blokes have a veneer of respectability that quickly vanishes once they’re with their mates or alone at home)!

I was thinking exactly this.

Proceed with caution? Bloody hell, are you that desperate? No date is better than a shit one where he disrespects women and has no social graces.

What a charmer you must be hanging on every poetic word.

There would be no 5th date with me, not because of the comments about weight but how he crudely he spoke about his other “dates” or ex. Being that unpleasant about other women he’s seeing on only 4th date would tell me he is not keeper. Feels like he thinks you should all be competing for his attention, so he mention all the faults to the rest of his dating “pool” You can do better than this.

I think what he has said/implied about your weight is not an issue, but he should have just left it at that. Talking about 1) sex with another woman and 2) in an unfavourable way is a red flag.

That comment came out of his mouth far crassly and easily to be a one off. People say stupid things when they are nervous but ultimately you don't want a man whose trying not to say things he knows shouldn't say, you want the man whose brain wouldn't even come up with that kind of comment to begin with!

If a man finds sex painful because someone has a bony bum then he’s doing something very wrong.

i’d bin him for being crap at sex

'Aww you should probably stop skipping leg day if something like that actually hurts your legs. Need to build up those muscles like a real man!'

then dump

I would hate it. I don’t know why some men think women want to hear about the type of sex they had with an ex - especially during a date. I find it totally off putting. I went out with someone who constantly talked about their ex , it was odd.

I wouldn't be seeing him anymore, but since you are, you're forewarned this guy has no boundaries and isn't trustworthy in multiple ways. Is he still seeing the woman he was criticizing? It sounds like this is a concurrent thing.

Don't send nudes or sext him. They will very likely be shared at some point.

Don't do anything you don't want his friends and future gfs knowing about because he's a blabbermouth.

Don't tell him anything you don't want spread around. That means no over share, medical, or personal issues. He's a blabbermouth.

He doesn't keep private and or intimate matters private.

My vagina would’ve shrivelled up there and then.

Anyone who refers to any aspect of sex as 'doing a woman' has deeply problematic attitudes to women I believe. Sex is something that is shared with, and done WITH someone, not TO someone.

Prick!!