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Original poster

‘Backwards compliment’ from date, not sure if I was right to challenge it

204 replies

Cocktailsneeded · 06/09/2025 16:08

I had a 4th date with a man last night who I really like. I was discussing my gym routine and explained I have lost quite a bit of weight and am now comfortable with my size (I’m a 12 now).

He said he really likes my figure because he likes having something to hold on to. Fine. He then said he was seeing someone who was really slim and it hurt when he ‘did her from behind’ (his words) as her bum was ‘boney’.

I said in reply I felt that was a bit of an unnecessary comment and he said sorry, he then sent me a long text earlier about it and seems to genuinely regret it.

I suppose I have two questions - would you have said something and do you think that if he’s genuinely sorry for saying it, you could overlook it? I’m still a bit conflicted, he has otherwise been brilliant.

OP posts:
MindytheWonderHorse · 06/09/2025 16:25

A true preux chevalier. I’d bin him asap unless you fancy him discussing you in the same way he talked about her.

dogcatkitten · 06/09/2025 16:25

I wonder what he'll say about you to the next one on the production line.

MimiGC · 06/09/2025 16:25

I wouldn’t want to be with a man whose idea of sex is ‘doing’ a woman. No thanks.

knittings · 06/09/2025 16:25

If slaging an ex off is a red flag then i am the biggest flag walking.
And tbvh he deserves it he was fucking awful.

Anyway it is not his ex he's seeing both of you at the same time i think id be more concerned on that note.

Minniliscious · 06/09/2025 16:26

My husband of 10 years wouldn’t dream of saying something so vulgar about another woman!

God, men like this are so depressing.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 06/09/2025 16:28

Would I have said something? Yes … goodbye!

Surely you aren’t even considering seeing this twat again?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 06/09/2025 16:29

When he sent the long message, did he seem to understand why what he said was gross and disrespectful? As in:

"I've been thinking about how I commented about an ex partner's body and I'm really embarassed at how disrespectful it was, to both you and her. In the moment, I was clumsily trying to pay you a compliment about how much I like your body shape, but I realise it was just really ill-judged to bring up unasked-for details about my previous sex life, and also to speak to dismissively of an ex partner. I expect it also made you wonder how I'd talk about our intimate moments to other people. I hope you can give me a chance to show that was a one-off."

Or was it more like "Sorry for upsetting you, I know women don't like it when they hear about their rivals. I expect you felt jealous and insecure. I'll be more careful in future and save that talk for the boys."

whimsicallyprickly · 06/09/2025 16:29

Dear God 😒

KeenSnail · 06/09/2025 16:30

Please ignore the photo, I’ve accidentally commented on the wrong thread 🤦‍♀️
Sorry and best of luck!

‘Backwards compliment’ from date, not sure if I was right to challenge it
CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 06/09/2025 16:31

I don’t know why any man would think it’s appropriate to bring criticism of an ex’s body during sex into a conversation with a brand new partner over dinner. ‘Doing her from behind’ - does he really think you want to hear all about this? Does he have no judgment at all?!

HelpMeUnpickThis · 06/09/2025 16:32

I am so tired of men at this point.

@Arlanymor I am sorry but if I were you, I would leave this one alone.

Arlanymor · 06/09/2025 16:36

HelpMeUnpickThis · 06/09/2025 16:32

I am so tired of men at this point.

@Arlanymor I am sorry but if I were you, I would leave this one alone.

Sorry? Je suis single - unless you count the male cat on my lap watching the rugby with me?! Sorry if I was unclear. I am typing with a broken thumb so some of my posts recently have extraordinary typos which I only notice once it’s too late to correct!

Someone2025 · 06/09/2025 16:39

Cocktailsneeded · 06/09/2025 16:08

I had a 4th date with a man last night who I really like. I was discussing my gym routine and explained I have lost quite a bit of weight and am now comfortable with my size (I’m a 12 now).

He said he really likes my figure because he likes having something to hold on to. Fine. He then said he was seeing someone who was really slim and it hurt when he ‘did her from behind’ (his words) as her bum was ‘boney’.

I said in reply I felt that was a bit of an unnecessary comment and he said sorry, he then sent me a long text earlier about it and seems to genuinely regret it.

I suppose I have two questions - would you have said something and do you think that if he’s genuinely sorry for saying it, you could overlook it? I’m still a bit conflicted, he has otherwise been brilliant.

If he is otherwise brilliant I would give him another chance but I suspect that was the real him coming out that you would see a lot more of if you were to go out with long term

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/09/2025 16:39

You could have said "Yes, that is often the result, if you have a short penis".

ColumboOnTheCase · 06/09/2025 16:40

He's disgusting, there wouldn't be a 5th date.

lemonraspberry · 06/09/2025 16:42

He then said he was seeing someone who was really slim and it hurt when he ‘did her from behind’ (his words) as her bum was ‘boney’.

Fair enough he could say very slim women are not my type - that is a back handed, maybe clumsy compliment. Same way women may not prefer slim men, muscular, tall, beards etc.

The above was way too much detail, disrespectful, and might be the start of a slippery slope downhill.

Theoturkeyfliessouth · 06/09/2025 16:42

He's having a dig , clearly thinks a size 12 is bigger

Shufflebumnessie · 06/09/2025 16:44

That would have been our last date for me. Absolutely no need to mention either of the things that he did. He accidentally let his mask slip, if he's saying things like that/making comparisons on date #4 it's only going to get worse from here on in!

JustStopItNora · 06/09/2025 16:45

gross.

He does not have enough respect for the other woman he is dating to not share details about her naked body and the sex he has with her. You can be sure he does not respect you either.

He is at best a crass caveman who only views women from a prism of how they get him off.

Dump and run.

GettingFestiveNow · 06/09/2025 16:45

4th date? So this is what he says when he's trying to impress you? Run for the fucking hills.

Theoturkeyfliessouth · 06/09/2025 16:45

And the sex comment ,shows you a lot about him
That he thinks sex is doing it to a woman
I can't see him being much of a lover with that attitude

JustStopItNora · 06/09/2025 16:46

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 06/09/2025 16:31

I don’t know why any man would think it’s appropriate to bring criticism of an ex’s body during sex into a conversation with a brand new partner over dinner. ‘Doing her from behind’ - does he really think you want to hear all about this? Does he have no judgment at all?!

she's not an ex. She is someone he is seeing at the same time he is seeing the OP.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/09/2025 16:46

Grim, so mysoginistic. Reducing women to body parts.

Idstillratherbepaddleboarding · 06/09/2025 16:46

That’s a horrible comment! Plus I don’t believe that anyone’s bum is so bony that it would actually hurt! He’d be a no from me.

Plus, it’s insinuating that your (and her) best are only good for having sex with.

Shufflebumnessie · 06/09/2025 16:47

KeenSnail · 06/09/2025 16:30

Please ignore the photo, I’ve accidentally commented on the wrong thread 🤦‍♀️
Sorry and best of luck!

Edited

It may be on the wrong thread, but I'd much rather have a date with one of these!! I'm adding this to my Christmas food list...

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