DSD, houseshare and the Cleaner

[Ihavetoask]

So go on, I'll do one. It isn't a major issue. Just one that came up lately.

DSD is in Uni and she is in a houseshare with two others. One person has their partner stay at least 50% of the time without paying more but DSD doesn't care. Rent, utilities and bills are comfortably covered by the 3. Her mum and dad help her out - she works a bit, too, but her course is demanding of time and academic work so she can't work as much as the average uni student. Most people in her class do not work.

DSD is a great young woman and always has been. She contributes in all ways in both her family homes. Great with her younger siblings, changed nappies, will wash bins, whatever. No complaints at all. What I want you to take from that is that she isn't incapable or lazy.

In the houseshare, they sensibly came up with some basic ground rules about cleaning up after themselves as they go and, the focus of this thread, they would rotate doing a deep clean of all the communal areas. So once every three weeks, it's DSD's turn to do the two reception rooms, two bathrooms (one she doesnt use as her bedroom is downstairs), kitchen and hallways/stairs.

As I said earlier, her mum and dad cover her expenses plus she has loans and works a bit. I thought my contribution could be to pay for a cleaner to do her turn every three weeks (£50). I actually suggested it when she told us about the arrangement. However, the other housemates haven't been happy about it.

The first issue was that they didnt want the cleaner to be there unaccompanied, even though they all lock their rooms. Me and her dad said fair enough, not everyone is okay with that and it is a shared space. But really it seems they're not okay with her not actually doing it herself. However, DSD really likes the idea. She does find it somewhat different to clean the bathroom behind people who arent family.

They went to the LL about it and the LL said they have no issues and there isnt anything they could do to make her stop especially as she's there, too. I really think the LL likes the idea of a pro cleaner coming in regularly tbh.

We've said that she should basically ignore them and we've carried on hiring the cleaner.

And just to point out from my extensive background, the cleaner is cleaning one bathroom DSD never uses AND there is actually a fourth person who is there regularly but doesn't pay and doesn't take a turn. All of which DSD doesn't complain or care about at all.

So, are we being unreasonable?

Her share is getting done, so it's none of their business, especially the one who has basically moved a freeloader in.

It comes across like you think your option about this matters more than the opinions of the others who actually live there. If they aren't happy with a stranger coming into their house every couple of weeks then that should be respected.

The housemates have nothing to complain about. She ensures the cleaning gets done her week, it doesn't matter how she does that.
Part of a house share is a accepting that there will be people who are strangers to you there, as your housemates can invite guests etc Valuables should be kept in locked private rooms.

Hmmmm, I agree on paper it doesn’t matter because her share is getting done.

But I can see that their noses might be a bit out of joint as it gives the impression that DSD views her time as more important than theirs and she can dodge her chores by throwing your money at them. It’s a bit… Common People!!

I suspect what her housemates really dislike about this arrangement is that it feels “unfair” to them and the “no stranger unattended” thing is a red herring. If I were cleaning up after my housemates and then watched them pay someone else to do their share I would feel a bit put out too. I think it might cause long term bad feeling between them if this continues so if it was me I would find another way to support her.

True but if the boyfriend paid his way they could all share a cleaner!

In that case, the boyfriend that stays over can also be vetoed. Or pay and contribute to the cleaning rota. @PinkArt

I find this a very odd thing to do. It just comes off so entitled and lady muck and is sure to cause division. Having a cleaner is a luxury not usually afforded to students. I can’t believe she would still want this when others are uncomfortable (or jealous- I bloody would be). It doesn’t seem in her own interests to cause division like this. I would clean a bathroom for the sake of maintaining friendships and I find it weird that she would risk being so unpopular over this.

I’d have more issue with the boyfriend overcrowding the place, I don’t want him paying, he shouldn’t be there that much at all!

They are annoyed because they can't afford a professional cleaner.
They need to mind their nose.

Well if they don’t like it, she should complain that the boyfriend who half lives there contributes to bills and the cleaning rota.
I can see why they might feel she’s a bit “princessy” not having to do her share, but at the same time, I’d be happy to have a professional clean every few weeks. As long as it’s getting done, that’s what matters.

I mean in a house share you don’t really get a say on who comes in the communal areas. The landlord could send their own cleaner once a week if the wanted.

They are more taking issue with the fact her share is being paid to be done so it’s not fairrrr

but neither is the free loader boyfriend.

Absolutely and I'd hope that the DSD feels empowered to have that conversation. It doesn't feel right that they're all subsidising a freeloader. But that wasn't the question asked and that too is between the residents of the house to resolve, not any of their parents.

Yes, this in spades.

Great way to drive a wedge between housemates that the OP has nothing to do with.

This girl hardly has to work and now she doesn't even need to clean.

Not a great lesson in life that her family will just keep throwing money at things she doesn't want to do.

And plenty of students on busy courses manage to work and clean.

Other people live there who pay their rent and have not vetted, have never met and actually don’t want a cleaner in their home. And you think it’s fine to got to LL and ride roughshod over the views of paying tenants?

That’s incredibly bad form. Your step daughter signed up to the cleaning rotation, either she does her bit or the whole flat has a conversation about what does / doesn’t work in terms of cleaning / bills including the boyfriend.

Employing a cleaner when the vast majority of the household - who pay rent - have said no is really shitty behaviour. I can only imagine what they will say to their parents about you. It’s incredibly rude, how can you not see that?

You shouldn't get involved in your daughter's domestic disputes. Let her and her flatmates organise whatever they need to. If you want to pay for her to have a cleaner that's great. But the other people who live there have a say in what goes on in their own home. Your wishes don't override those of the other tenants. It's not you who has to live there.

Ultimately I think you sound a little too embroiled in the whole situation.

Absolutely! Who thinks they have a right to dictate when other people who pay rent have said no, it’s awful.

And the boyfriend is a red herring and a separate subject.

They’re butthurt because she has a resource they won’t/can’t buy, and they want her to have to do the cleaning herself.

If she and the landlord are happy then it’s tough shit for the roommates. I’d ignore them and carry on, in her position. They’re roommates, they don’t have to be best friends.

Agree with pp that this will cause friction and resentment if other flatmates don’t have the means to employ a cleaner (and that surely isn’t unusual for students!!). It is very good for young people to learn how to clear up after themselves - even if in the future maybe they will employ domestic help. It’s not like she’s earning the money to pay for the cleaner so others could be forgiven for considering her a bit spoilt. However if you/ her parents/ she don’t mind any if that and the friendships aren’t important to her then you are within your legal rights to override what the others want. Sounds like the cleaner is more an issue for them than the boyfriend!

How are they within any legal rights to override other tenants?

I actually wish more uni accommodation landlords would have a cleaner as a part of the fees. Ds had this for his 3rd and 4th year and it was so much easier for them to keep a tidy house. Dd1 also had it in first year..

I dont supose you can afford -or want- to pay for all the cleaning 😁

YANBU imo

Communal areas of hmos are not considered tenants private spaces so the landlord could even rock up every day if he wanted too really. Their bedrooms are what they rent with access to communal areas. They have no say or rights over them more than any other tenant there.

If one wants to sit and watch tv all day on the sofa they have no more rights to say no. Just like if one leaves the sink full of dishes. It’s tough shit too really. There is no legal rights to banning a cleaner in the communal areas. Their own rooms sure. But the bathrooms and kitchen of the hmo nope.

Well now I hadn’t actually considered that it might actually be illegal. I was simply using the word to draw a distinction between what might be socially acceptable and what might be possible. Do you think that even though the landlord has agreed to the cleaner and its just in communal areas that the tenants could have the legal right not to accept the cleaner?

Oh she sorted it. She asked the LL is it was a problem and they said no so it was sorted then. She just updated us as it was going. For instance, she did try out the thing where the cleaner only comes when she is in before she spoke to the landlord because we said that was a fair compromise.