DSD, houseshare and the Cleaner

[Ihavetoask]

So go on, I'll do one. It isn't a major issue. Just one that came up lately.

DSD is in Uni and she is in a houseshare with two others. One person has their partner stay at least 50% of the time without paying more but DSD doesn't care. Rent, utilities and bills are comfortably covered by the 3. Her mum and dad help her out - she works a bit, too, but her course is demanding of time and academic work so she can't work as much as the average uni student. Most people in her class do not work.

DSD is a great young woman and always has been. She contributes in all ways in both her family homes. Great with her younger siblings, changed nappies, will wash bins, whatever. No complaints at all. What I want you to take from that is that she isn't incapable or lazy.

In the houseshare, they sensibly came up with some basic ground rules about cleaning up after themselves as they go and, the focus of this thread, they would rotate doing a deep clean of all the communal areas. So once every three weeks, it's DSD's turn to do the two reception rooms, two bathrooms (one she doesnt use as her bedroom is downstairs), kitchen and hallways/stairs.

As I said earlier, her mum and dad cover her expenses plus she has loans and works a bit. I thought my contribution could be to pay for a cleaner to do her turn every three weeks (£50). I actually suggested it when she told us about the arrangement. However, the other housemates haven't been happy about it.

The first issue was that they didnt want the cleaner to be there unaccompanied, even though they all lock their rooms. Me and her dad said fair enough, not everyone is okay with that and it is a shared space. But really it seems they're not okay with her not actually doing it herself. However, DSD really likes the idea. She does find it somewhat different to clean the bathroom behind people who arent family.

They went to the LL about it and the LL said they have no issues and there isnt anything they could do to make her stop especially as she's there, too. I really think the LL likes the idea of a pro cleaner coming in regularly tbh.

We've said that she should basically ignore them and we've carried on hiring the cleaner.

And just to point out from my extensive background, the cleaner is cleaning one bathroom DSD never uses AND there is actually a fourth person who is there regularly but doesn't pay and doesn't take a turn. All of which DSD doesn't complain or care about at all.

So, are we being unreasonable?

Lol. OP’s position isn’t an exclusively autistic one. Plenty of neurotypical people, myself and maybe even the stepdaughter included, are similarly disinterested in pandering to petty bullshit.

Because you appear strikingly unable to see it from the housemates POV. Put yourself in their shoes. You have rigidly applied a rule ‘the landlord says it is OK so it is OK’ and have no appreciation of the nuance of people’s feelings about things that are indeed by the letter of the law OK. So far so autistic.

OP - has yor DSD actually secured her home from next year - as in signed an actual contract? Or has she just 'spoken to the LL' about it, and LL has just said, 'Yeah, okay whatever"?

Because I'm willing to bet the LL's main priority next year is getting enough people together to pay the rent, irregardless to what she has already mentioned in passing to your DSD. If the friction is so bad, and the 2 others don't want to live with DSD and find a third person first (even the current freeloader BF maybe?), the LL will give it to them. Especially. If your DSD struggles to fond 2 other people to live with her.
If a contract hasn't been signed already, I'd probably be enquiring about one soon if I were her - not to get there before the housemates and be petty (heck, they may even want to stay with you DSD next year, who knows), but just for piece of mind that she does actually have a secure place to remain.

Your DSD may already have 'adult skills' and be able to cook/clean, but right now, her housemates aren't seeing her behave like an adult. They see her step-mother stepping in to pay because she doesn't want to clean a loo that others use, and then she goes complaining to the LL. It may (and I say may - I do not know anyone in this scenario!) seem to them that DSD avoids any form of conflict by discussing as an adult, but instead goes running to other adults to solve her issues for her, like a child.

But, you seem very set that your way IS the right way, so you do you. Hopefully, the housemates will soon realise the benefits and everything just goes smoothly from now.

This answer is just downright unpleasant.

You're getting your way whilst the actual people living in the house get no say.

What’s the chances that the other two get all their mates around to sit in the lounge when the cleaner comes, whilst a few others decide that the cleaner’s arrival time should coincide with them cooking up a massive curry, and someone has the shits and has to sit on the toilet for a couple of hours.

If these two really don’t want the cleaner, then the DSD tattiling to the LL and getting her way (or rather her step mother getting her way) won’t make a blind bit of difference. They will make the point that one person can’t force something on them even if it’s permitted by the LL.

Then the cleaner doesn’t do it and they’ve successfully created more work for themselves. While they can do what you suggested, the outcome of that isn’t that the DSD personally does the cleaning herself.

It’s also probably not a good idea to get into a power play with the landlord who won’t struggle to replace them in a university town/city.

I wonder how this all went down in the end @Ihavetoask