How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

I'm not sure why you're surprised he wants you be more mindful of spending, £250 seems very excessive each week. It's approximately £13k a year on hair, nails and days out.

I think £250 each week is quite a lot! This sounds similar to another post recently about a SAHM saying partner was being tight with money but she had loads each month.

@Luxio out of 170k?!

I agree with pp that is way too much. 100-150 would be more than enough, why do you have to do multiple days out a week as well as eating lunch out? You could easily be saving an extra 5k a year towards your DCs future. Yes 170k is a big wage but if you also have high outgoings then spending over £1k a month on bits and bobs is not affordable. How much does he take home and what are your other expenses? And how much does DH spend on stuff for himself like hobbies etc?

£170k =£8500 per month net.
£1000 pcm is roughly 12.5% on 'fun', does sound a bit much.

I would say an average £150 a week would be enough.

My dh earns a good amount over that and I certainly don’t spend £250 a week and we are very comfortable. Sounds like you are really taking advantage.

That's a lot of money to essentially fritter away every week. Our joint income is considerably more than that and we don't spend that much, although tbf no young children to entertain

It’s not out of 170k, he doesn’t take that home, probably more like 120k after pension, tax etc so around 10%.

I don't think that's excessive if you've got a decent household income. Everything is expensive! My household income is less than half yours and I allow £150 a week for everything non-essential for me and two teens, and that just vanishes. Mind you, I'm a single parent so there's always something I haven't factored in that needs paying - car/house/kids/pet related bills. I think your husband is being a bit tight, unless you've got a gigantic mortgage and huuuge bills and really can't afford it.

@Nostylequeen really?! I thought 250 was good going, it’s far less than nursery would cost

I can see how you spend that easily. £15 baby class/kids class, £20 lunch, £15 soft play, £5 coffee… Throw in a haircut once a month and you’ve easily spent £250pw

However it’s totally reasonable to restrict that kind of spending and have more free/very low cost days. Church playgroups are a couple of quid at most. Play dates at friends houses and host each other for brunch. And so on… Zoo/farm trips should be an exciting special treat, not a regular occurrence in my opinion.

All money should now be family money and I’m afraid in my view he definitely does have a say in how much you spend. Is he having a sensible, open discussion about it? Isn’t it more important to save for a rainy day or children’s house deposit?

Difference is though that if your child was in nursery then presumably you’d still be bringing home that 80k which you’re not.

What he earns is not the key part of this. He doesn't think it's necessary to be wasting so much each week on frivolous stuff and to be honest it's not. Just because he earns a good wage doesn't mean you should just spend excessively.

1000 a month on dicking around going to soft play and getting your nails done is ridiculous!

That is alot. DH is on almost the same amount, i’m a SAHM, I think £150 a week is plenty, with the occasional separate splurge on hair, clothes etc.

This thread will bring all the people who spend £15 a week doing a shop for a family of 6 and dye their own hair with bleach from under the sink out...

It's tricky OP because he does earn a lot but that is a lot of money!

Is he on board with you being a SAHM or would he prefer really for you to be working? I think one person being a SAHP only works if the working parent is fully on board.

Also is he careful with his own spending on himself? Is he a saver or a spender?

I definitely don't think it's ok for you to spend whatever you like and him have no say in it at all!

It's just over £100k BEFORE pension!

Seems excessive.

@UpUpAwayz good point!!!

Well that’s a lot to be going through !

you need to be on the same page - how much is reasonable , how much you need saved , wether he can see a future for himself with less work that may need a bigger buffer

Where is the money actually going? That seems a mad amount to be spending per week for you and a presumably pre-school child. They don't tend to have particularly expensive tastes.

As someone on a similar salary, £170k is great but not enough to be mindlessly extravagant. It's about £8k per month net. Presumably the mortgage and bills account for another £2.5k -.£3k, plus food, fuel, etc - easily another £1k. Then factor in savings, holidays, house maintenance - yes, there is some spare, but not if it's frittered away.

I've no idea, because not every week is the same and not every person is the same.

So, I would never get my nails done, but my Kindle books habit could be £50 a week.

Ultimately, this is for the two of you to work out between you, but money for your child's needs us surely a different matter to your own personal expenses?

Or go back to work and earn your own money!

It sounds like a lot to be honest on basically nothing, if you want to spend what you want then I’d just go back to work

We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

I really dislike the above statement. Just because someone isn't physically present does not mean they are not entitled to wonder how their money is spent, or to have a say in joint finances.