How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

This is the main reason why I still work even though our finances are comparable. I probably do spend that, if not more, on non-essentials for myself and my DS but I don’t have to justify it to anyone.

Presumably he's pretty senior to earn that kind of money so presumably has a degree of stress at work?

Maybe, despite agreeing that you give up work, he sometimes resents that you are out enjoying yourself (with your child of course) to the tune of £250 per week while he is working very long hours (you say you hardly see him during the week). I can't say I blame him tbh. I would rather share the financial burden and pay for childcare in a situation where you also have capacity to earn a good salary.

It sounds like it would be better if you joint budget an amount and agree on what it covers and you stick to that amount.

As you have a toddler to entertain I think that sounds fine...you could obviously spend less, loads of people do...but things are expensive nowadays.

I was going to say the same thing. Totally agree.

Yip behave like a spoilt brat - bound to go down well and improve things

I can see how you'd spend that.

I spend around £200 every six weeks for hair, £40 every 2 weeks for nails, a lunch out with friends is easily £40 so if you do that 5 times a month that's £200, a trip to the zoo for 2 is about £30 for an adult, £20 for a child. And the bottles of water, snacks, coffees all add up.

YANBU

But he doesn’t net £170k though, does he? He’ll be paying close to half in taxes. I’d suggest making a list of incomings/outgoings and agree on an amount: £x for beauty treatments and £x for activities.

But to answer your question: our household income was about double yours when the DC were tiny and I would have spent about 50 week on activities and fun stuff.

Have you discussed financial goals? Money is one of those weird topics where no one quite agrees on the meaning of things and it’s one of the most important things to learn to communicate about within a marriage. What are your histories of money, earnings, security like? And how does that feed into your feelings about what, when and how you spend?

We can all say “that’s too much” or “that’s okay” but the truth is it’s between the two of you. I would sit down with him and explain how you spend £250 a week. If he wants you to cut down ask him to suggest where you cut down from.

If you’re spending loads of lunches with the kids, take a packed lunch. If it’s entry to attractions, find free or cheap ones. We have an excellent museum near us that is free, I just give a donation each time according to how much I can afford.

£170k per annum is not a huge amount after taxes.

12k a year on those types of things is huge. Take a packed lunch sometimes, stretch out hair appointments. Yes he earns well, but doesn’t mean you should waste money.

170k is not the net amount, £101k is once factoring in taxation.

13k PA on shit like this is pretty obscene, it's probably more than a lot of people on here spend on their mortgage a year.

And what if dh lost his job tomorrow? I'd rather be saving for that rainy day!

Did you have a similar recent thread?

I probably spend that a month on myself and treats for 1 teen.
luckily dh and I earn similar, have separate accounts and he doesn’t get a say in what I spend my money on (all bills and big dc spends are split).

Similar household income to you and I don’t spend that. Yes it’s alot a month but you aren’t working so money needs to be saved for two pensions (just as one example) plus saving safely net as only one salary. Just be a bit more mind full

Is it not 🙄

It's not really about who is right, there's no objective truth.

But it sounds very petulant to come whingeing on here about. Irrespective of the amounts, your husband is saying that he has issues with your family spending. That's a conversation you need to have together - and I do think he gets a say as the breadwinner, it can be a stressful position to be in with a young family.

Also if you're going to compare £250/week to nursery fees, you really need to be adding on the -£80k/year with you not working!

I might be in the minority but that doesn't seem a huge amount to me! I assume you live in an expensive area too. In London, one can easily spend £40-50 on a day out without doing anything particularly extravagant. Unless it's actually causing you financial hardship I would say YANBU.

Be careful here, you’re mixing up personal expenses for you (hair and nails etc) with costs for entertaining dc (days out). Be careful that he doesn’t lump in costs of childcare as ‘your’ expenses.

Good point

Doesn't it depend on your overall budget? Those sorts of things would come after mortgage, bills, savings, pensions including one for you.

How secure is your DHs income? The problem with high earnings and spending most or all or it is it all falls apart very quickly if his income drops for whatever reason.

It's not crystal clear in your post OP, but it seems like you have one DC. If you put £125 a month - half of one week's frippery money - into a pension for him/her from the age of 2, then that's about £30k (with tax relief) by the time they turn 18. If it grows at only 5% then that would be a pension pot of just over £187k by the time they turn 60. If it grows at 8% (which is realistic) then it would be worth £790k, even if no-one makes another contribution after their 18th birthday. That's more than most people accumulate in a pension after a lifetime of working.

I know which I'd choose.

Even if you spent two thirds of that you could save up nearly £72k to give to you DC as a nestegg at 18. Which means you'd still be spending £150k on well, hair, nails, coffee and lunch at the same time.

Even objectively that's a HUGE sum of money you're spending on not much op.

(And yeah, I'm poor whilst employed ft, that sum pays for EVERYTHING except my mortgage every month, 2dc)

Have you sat down and discussed your finances? Do you have any IFA?

How much of his pay is being paid into a pension for you?

How much is allocated to savings? How much for holidays, etc etc.

Once you've taken off all the bills, pensions, savings etc how much is left over?

What does he spend money on personally?

Presuming he has a stressful job with longs hours, do you pick up most of the slack at home? Do you have a cleaner, gardener etc?

It's important to have honest conversations about money, shared and individual goals and attitudes to spending.