How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

£40 for a lunch out with friends ?! Weekly! There are cheaper good places

I will show DH this as it makes my music habit seem so reasonable !

Likewise. My DH would have a massive problem with it because lets face it, we'd all rather be faffing around at the library and having coffee rather than working in a job where you have levels of stress which justify a £170k salary. I say this having had the time faffing around at the library / soft play and now being back at work earning around what your DH does.

I would also say the following
(1) What you spend now is NOTHING on what your older child will cost you in schooling / music lessons and extra curricular. Our kids are at state but with music and sports clubs, our extra curricular for two kids are still £600 a month. So I'd be looking at savings and pensions with a view to getting some savings set away rather than thinking £170k is cash to spend now. The chances of you walking back into an £80k a year job (or more) after having time off with kids is pretty much zilch.
(2) There is no need for a constant stream of activities like the zoo. We did SO MUCH like that when the kids were younger and looking back now, seriously just not needed. Particularly the youngest just needed to be bored more. He now requires almost constant entertainment. I wish he'd had more time at home playing with toys. It's only now I look back and realise that all the socialising and trips out were because it was easier for me.

£250 a week?!
How many hair and nails have you got?!

Give us a breakdown of what you do with £250?! I’d love to know!
I have my hair done once every 6 m and don’t have nails done so can’t relate to that bit!

I think your challenge is to bring up a child who doesn’t get what they want all the time. So many children these days are used to a merry go round of days out, snacks/meals out and to take a picnic, bring a snack or have a low cost or free day out is often more work and parents can’t be bothered with it. Then act surprised when their child is demanding because it’s what they’re used to!

If that’s what it costs I think it’s fine. You can both afford it and to me it’s important you and LO are having fun together (not just investing everything!).

I don't think that's excessive. I spend not far off that quite often without realising. Dont earn as much as your hubby either. It's surprising how it goes.

Depends on how many kids and how old.

I earn wayyyy less than you or your husband, and I budget £200/wk for school aged kids. If I was on 170 I'd be upping that to 250 for sure...

£50 on trampoline park/ninja. £20 on lunch while you're out. £30 on new kids clothes/socks/shoes. That's £100 there just in a day.

Keeping kids entertained is EXPENSIVE. This is partly why I chose to always work. It costs a fortune keeping them busy, I'd rather be earning money than spending, even with nursery fees.

But if you're in a position where you don't really need to worry about that, I'd say he can chill. £250 doesn't go very far at all.

And yes totally agree with PP that this is why I always have my own money. Cannot be doing with justifying my spending to somebody else for 1 second. No no.

Enjoy your fun times with your kids.

I’m an absolute spendthrift but frittering away around 10% of household income is too much even for me. I’m not surprised you’ve been asked to rein it in @Righan.

Thats a huge amount but you can obviously afford it!

That’s not a proper comparison! If your DC went to nursery you could go back to work and make £80k again, so you’d be way better off! Your DH is right, that’s a lot of money. He’s probably mindful of saving for the future and paying into a pension to support you both, and rightly so.

I can't understand how you get through that much! I'm on team DH with this.

I agree, maybe he’s thinking some of it could be invested in savings like ISAs for the kids, more secure future. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit more careful. I get it, when on mat leave I liked mooching around the shops and getting my coffees and some random bits here and there but when I think back I didn’t need all that stuff and it could have been invested elsewhere. It came from filling time and breaking up the day so I didn’t have to do the same stuff over and over again. But that was just a year, if this is a longer term thing then scaling back is not unreasonable

Yes but if he was in nursery you'd be earning 80k to throw into the pot 😂

Keeping kids entertained is only expensive if you make it so

at the preschool age - playing in the park is free , add a bat and ball for variety. Do races. Find a small friend . Dancing round the living room . Read a story.library once a week. Art and crafts in the afternoon . Home baking. Housework games. Once a week something “different “ -and expensive - soft play if it’s been wet all week, swimming trip , cake in a cafe Or Going on the bus or train for a couple of stops

I think what you mean is keeping you entertained while looking after small kids is expensive

children don’t need new clothes weekly never mind daily

As an aside... why is everyone using the word frippery on this thread? I'm pretty sure it's being used incorrectly. Doesn't it refer to adornments on clothes and buildinhs?!

My husband earns slightly more and I feel guilty spending that much a month on hair, nails and gym membership

I think you are quite right to enjoy this time and make the most of it if that option is available to you. What does he think you ought to spend and what exactly should be cut. He isn't there during the week. If your child is busy, entertained and nourished and along with that we have a happy mummy - you are winning. You have passed up income/career progression/pension contributions along with everything else we sacrifice as mums...... good for you making the most of this time. (If you were buying drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and/or splashing out on you whilst DC had a rubbish time, my answer would be different). I suppose its time now to agree a budget so there is no resentment.

For me it’s irrelevant how much the overall income is. You are frittering away money and your partner isn’t happy. £250 is ridiculous to spend PW.

Wow - I earn similar and I'd be pretty pissed off if my DH didn't work and spent that amount enjoying himself with our child every week.

He never would though because he appreciates the value of money.

What would you do if you split up or something happened to his job?

Are you planning on having more DC or using private schools, if the latter you really should be saving money now.

I spend that much but it also includes all the food shopping (which is around £150 per week of it).

I can see how you can get through £250 per week: a few £15 per week classes, a few lunches/coffees out, nails, a new item of clothing for you/kids each week, an evening out for you at the weekend. You could get there easily.

But you can also do it a lot cheaper. Our household income is a lot more and I don't regularly spend that on "fun extras" per week. Could you start having a few "spend nothing" days each week and see how that goes?

That’s a lot to spend on soft play etc!

Do you and DH have the same views on money generally? Things like level of savings, financial goals for the future, future private school fees.

Is DH’s job really stressful and long hours, and if so is it sustainable? I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants to build your net worth as a family, rather than spend over ten grand a year on petting farms and takeaway coffee! With his salary, you should be saving for the future, not seeing it as disposable income (imo).

DP and I typically earn more than your DH, and I’m on mat leave - no way do I spend that amount on baby classes etc! We have similar views on spending and saving which really helps. It’d be fine if your DH was fully on board, but he isn’t, and it’s family money.

There isn't a right or wrong answer here but you need to come to an agreement. No-one knows what your outgoings are, how much you have to pay off on your mortgage, how stressful your DP's job is (ie. will he want to retire early etc). All of these things impact how 'reasonable' it is for you to be spending £250 a week on hair / nails and days out.

I would strongly suggest making planning your finance a joint endeavour. It's very damaging for relationships to be pulling in different directions on this - he will feel resentful if he thinks you are 'wasting' money while he works full time and you will feel resentful if you don't think he is being stingy. Build a plan together and stick to it.

It is a lot every week, at the same time, if you usually spent this while working, it is your normal.
I'd go back to work.