How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

not insane, everyone has their own wishes, maybe they wished she does full time care for their child which is totally fine.

Yeah but it sounds like the the kids are home 7 days a week if she's not working. It basically is school holidays on a permanent basis. That's expensive.

To be fair when mine were this age, I budgeted £20 a week. The £200/wk came in when they hit school and I earn more.

Nursery age, we did libraries, museums, anywhere where under 3s go free. Pret does free babycinos and a 50p filter coffee if you bring your own cup. That kills an hour or two. Especially if they spill a few.

But I didn't have a rich husband. Enjoy it. Live yo life.

Did you post this a few weeks ago

A grand a month to fritter will sound weird to so many people on here OP.

I'm of the mind, that if you want to spend with abandon then you need to go back to work.

Money is easy to spend whether you earn it or not. But it's also easy to ignore your responsibilities for your children if someone else picks up the slack.

So I'm asking why it is OP isn't earning. Because I think if that's because her DH will not, for instance, take a day off work if the DC is sick, get up in the night with them, to look for childcare or adjust his day to cover any pick up or drop off, if he has a job that means he's traveling from time to time and refuses to look for a different role, etc. - and those are impediments to OP working well in a job she finds fulfilling, then that's him taking the easy life that he wants. And there's no reason OP shouldn't feel she has a right to take the easier route amoung her more limited choices too. Though, of course, she could decide to make all the sacrifices instead, if she thought it was a better use of resources

On the other hand, if he's happy to pull his weight with the kids but OP has always wanted to be a sahm for years, so he's working to make that happen for her, then OP taking the easy route when it's not what her DH thought he'd agreed to is pretty disrespectful.

I am assuming here that OP is satisfied with the savings and investments for the future that they're able to make at present. If she isn't that would make things very different. But she hasn't provided any sort of detail that would make it reasonable to make judgements about that.

So he is going to be paying a shit load of tax on £170k. everyone is going to say it's loads of money but my household earns the same (two earners) and we get through it.
We're not flush. We do have tutors, holidays, a car and we do live in London and pay stupid amounts for everything.
But I am wearing primark pjs and a jumper from vinted. I've not had my hair done professionally for a couple of years.... you spend what you have.

Spending more because you can technically afford it is a lifestyle choice that limits how much can go into savings or investments. Every bit extra chips away at early retirement, better holidays, and other 'big picture' goals.

Are you not the same poster who was complaining about this a few weeks ago?

Nearly 13k a year on days out, cafes and haircuts is ridiculous.

Oh how the other half live!

Op I earn 50k so 3k a month plus child maintenance and I spend almost as much as you!

I think it also depends where you live, if for example you are in Chelsea/ South Ken - 250 a week is nothing, I spend more and I don’t have kids…..

As a percentage of take home it is significant, only the OP knows what other household bills there are that the salary needs to support.
I will add that as the major earner I sometimes have wobbles over what I see as ‘excessive or unnecessary’ spending - this is always tied to stressful periods at work where I start to worry about job security. I’m normally the one responsible for the excessive and unnecessary spending though, so it’s easier to control…

£250 per week is quite a lot, but then is over £3k per week salary for DP.

I am not sure it's unreasonable if the hair and nails bill is £200 p/w and the days out with kids is £50 p/w... but if it's more like 50% hair and nails, 50% kids then its certainly reasonable

I think most of us think that £250 a week on activities and beauty treatments is a lot because is far over the level of money most people would have to spend on these things.

Obviously if you have a family income of £170k a year then it’s not such a huge percentage, but I wonder if your DH is hoping that working hard and bringing in this high salary now will mean a larger amount could be saved, either for holidays or spending on your home for which you all benefit, or perhaps he could be considering saving for early retirement? Or putting money away for your DC for university or housing? I think you and your DH are both unreasonable here in not discussing your finances and expectations.

You must know that your statement that you only see him weekends and he shouldn’t have a say in what you spend in the week is wholly unreasonable though! I get that you are caring for your DC and possibly other household stuff and shouldn’t feel you have to be justifying every expenditure of what is, family money, but you need to have some kind of joint agreement here.

😂 brilliant x

I would expect to sit down with my husband, look at all sources of income. Then list all routine necessary expenditure, mortgage, utilities, food, car costs, subscriptions etc. including things that are paid annually.
Then agree how much we want to put in savings, give to charity, spend on house updates etc.
Then see what’s left and agree how much we budget for fun money, both shared and individually.

There seem to be so many of these posts where these very important financial conversations between partners aren’t happening.

People are being a bit mental about this. A family weekly food shop for 3 is easily £100 these days. Maybe more. Then a weeks worth of petrol is £50. A few soft plays and farms and you're up to another £50. Maybe she could shave it down a tiny bit but this is hardly Marie Antoinette stuff.

She’s not spending it on necessities, it’s the equivalent of pocket money.

You’re spunking a lot of family money on nonsense.

I think you've misread. She clearly states this is what she spends outside of other bits like food shopping and petrol.

Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

Well we're on a similar amount (between two earners), and I agree with you.

The DH's income needs to cover pensions and savings for 3 people minimum.

My husband is on 100k and he's a bit deluded in thinking he could support me SAHM AND meet our savings objectives etc.

Does he earn £170k or take home £170k? There’s a big difference.

The pair of you need to sit down together and go through your joint financial goals together. On that salary, presumably he is putting a shit ton into his pension to reduce tax burden. The results of that is that your net household income is probably substantially lower than you think. My husband earns about the same as that, I earn a bit less but also over £100k so do the same to a lesser degree. The results is that net income after tax and pension for each of us is about £5500.

I am currently assuming he is doing similar and therefore your net monthly income is around the same. You have mortgage (or rent, but unlikely on that income), council tax, utilities, food, transport etc to pay. By the time you take all those into account, how much are you left with? Just eyeballing it, it could easily be down to about £2500. And then you spend £1000 on hair, nails, soft play and lunch with friends. I have not considered saving for holidays or home repairs, let alone school fees, if planned.

Whether you think your spending is excessive or not, listen to him and his concerns. Try to understand where he is coming from and find mutual ground. If you keep spending, that is the way to resentment and once that sets in, it can be very, very hard to find your way back. e.g. He is potentially feeling he is the only one putting money into a pension that will have to keep you both in old age, and working to look after you both in retirement while watching you living it up (from where he is sitting) off his labour.

Attitude to money is one of the hardest things couples find to agree on and have open dialogue. It is worth it though, and to be checking in on it regularly to make sure nothing has changed.

Just because you have it doesn’t mean you should mindlessly spend it.

Do you also having savings and actively save each month?

Surely it depends on what your household expenses are, how much your DH has to spend on himself, how much as a couple you hope to save/invest for the future, how much you both spend on other things such as cars/holidays etc.

On the face of it, it sounds a lot, and certainly more than most would spend. But most people don't have a DH who earns £170k.

The best thing to do would be for the two of you to sit down and do a budget of where your money goes, and then decide what is reasonable to spend on your DC's entertainment (zoos, soft plays etc), and your own 'fun money' (hair, nails, clothes, lunches out etc).