AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

[Tickyandtackyandjackiethebackie]

DD has just started at secondary school and one of her good friends Ella from primary has started at a different school, which is walking distance to her house.
Dd's friend missed a huge amount of school after covid for various reasons to the point where her attendance in year 6 was less than 50%.
Ella has frequently admitted to DD and others she has told her parents she is ill/tired/anxious so she doesn't have to go to school. DD and her other friends have been quite shocked by this and I think one of her parents haven't challenged her as they wfh so don't have childcare issues.
Ella was supposed to start her new school yesterday but didn't go as she was 'tired'. She appeared to be perfectly find when video calling DD at 8pm last night! I feel really sad that this girl is missing out on an important transition and missing the opportunity to make new friends and have a fresh start. I imagine the school attendance officer will be on her case soon enough though.
So, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with Ella's parents for essentially not parenting! I think I will find it difficult not to say something when our paths next cross.

Don’t say anything it won’t go down well.

You have no idea what is going on in somebodies else's family

Stay out of it, it's none of your business

Well its nothing to do with you there maybe issues you are
not aware of.

Their business... keep your nose out and your mouth shut.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and usually no one wants to hear it.

Yabu. This isn't anything to do with you and doesn't affect your or your daughters life. It'll be them and their daughter that will have to reap the consequences. You also have no idea what barriers are preventing this girl from attending school.

I've been the parent of an Ella and it is likely much more complex than you realise. It is an extremely stressful and precarious position to be in as a parent and having some other Mother suggesting I was a shit parent may well have tipped me over the edge. I certainly wasn't just not bothering to parent.

And to reassure you, despite the school issues and, get ready to clutch your pearls, leaving school with no GCSEs, my DS is now a very happy, confident and thriving 22 year old with a good job and living in a nice flat with his partner. I know education is extremely important but unfortunately, the school system just doesn't work for some kids but that doesn't mean they are doomed.

OP - don’t judge other parents without knowing anything about them or their family.
And certainly don’t say anything to them - it has nothing to do with you.

Kids refusing school is an issue, and is often complex. I am sure the parents know that their daughter has issues. And you have no idea what they are doing about it.

I have a friends whose daughter struggled with various MH issues throughout several years of school attendance - needed a lot of help and it took years and a lot of support to get her to school and through exams.

So, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with Ella's parents for essentially not parenting! I think I will find it difficult not to say something when our paths next cross

Really? Wow. Who do you think you are 🤣🤣🤣.... maybe the child said that to your DD to look cool 🤦‍♀️

My DD has a lot of time off due to her disabilities. Off face value she doesn't look disabled snd I don't go around telling everyone she has a disability.

If you approached me I'd embarres the fuck out of you. Keep your nose out you busy body you don't care about Ella's education you just want to feel better than

Yabu to judge them on their parenting if you yourself aren't reporting any safeguarding concerns.

if its not a safeguarding concern, its not your business.

And genuinely for all you know, Ella might be being abused at home and kept off school and lying to her friends.

You really have no idea.

Op focus on YOUR child who seems to have just started secondary school.

All that you’re hearing was coming from 10 and 11 year olds

Why do you think you raising it will have any more of an impact than the countless times primary school, attendance officers, the local authority etc have no doubt raised it?

Unless your daughter picks up the same habits, its not really impacting you.

Kid refusing school often be a complex issue as other posters have pointed out.

However it can also be that the kid just cant be arsed, and if parents let her get away with it (as is case here) its not really going to get better.

I'd imagine in a few months down the line your daughter, who is cracking on and enjoying life, will have made loads of new friends at secondary and this friend will drift away from your lives.

Oddly enough, it’s your daughter I feel “sorry” for.

It would appear her mothers tendency to judge and gossip is rubbing off on her

Is this a reverse?

I did previously report a concern to the primary school as she was sending DD voice notes at 2am asking her to play computer games with her on a school night, when DD was obviously asleep.

Because she thinks shes a better parent than Ella's mum and she wants Ella's mum to know that. She wants to make this woman feel small under the false pretence of concern.

At what point does suspicions of child neglect (abuse?) become other people's business?

OP isn't suspecting child abuse though?

I mean yeah…pretty much this

I mean yeah…pretty much this

You have literally no idea what’s going on in that household, from possible abuse, to hidden disabilities, to long term embarrassing chronic illness, to emotional based school avoidance (see the Facebook group not fine in school that currently has 75k + members!).

Stay out of it!

You know nothing but hearsay from a child.

Keep out of it.

That surely isn't a safeguarding concern.