AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

[Tickyandtackyandjackiethebackie]

DD has just started at secondary school and one of her good friends Ella from primary has started at a different school, which is walking distance to her house.
Dd's friend missed a huge amount of school after covid for various reasons to the point where her attendance in year 6 was less than 50%.
Ella has frequently admitted to DD and others she has told her parents she is ill/tired/anxious so she doesn't have to go to school. DD and her other friends have been quite shocked by this and I think one of her parents haven't challenged her as they wfh so don't have childcare issues.
Ella was supposed to start her new school yesterday but didn't go as she was 'tired'. She appeared to be perfectly find when video calling DD at 8pm last night! I feel really sad that this girl is missing out on an important transition and missing the opportunity to make new friends and have a fresh start. I imagine the school attendance officer will be on her case soon enough though.
So, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with Ella's parents for essentially not parenting! I think I will find it difficult not to say something when our paths next cross.

clearly there’s a beef between you and parents if you report to the school the 2am messaging rather than have a civilised conversation to ask for time limits for messaging your daughter

The bar isn't high to be a better parent than someone letting their primary aged child stay up until 2am playing video games on a school night then not bothering to get them into school...

That isn’t the answer.

The answer is that she parents her own child and removes her child’s phone at whatever time she has deemed appropriate for her own child.

You don’t get to impose your parenting rules on anyone else’s child unless they’re in your house!

Indeed

Beak. Out.

I’m not sure what you would gain speaking to the parents. School will pick up from attendance point of view school records are shared as part of transition so would have flagged up previous attendance. My only concern would be my child being messaged to play at unsocial hours but we as a family get around this by turning devices off at bedtime. From experience a few children who’s attendance in primary with big gaps may have got better at start of secondary but then went back into old patterns of anxiety (usually followed by a diagnosis) school refusal numbers are getting higher since covid and you don’t really know the full story.

P6 is peak age for girls to start showing autism symptoms that lead to school avoidance.
Not sleeping at night is also a symptom.

DD’s autistic friend regularly lies to her giving outrageous excuses about why she’s not in school or not attending a social event because she’s covering up her issues amongst her peers. I know this because I happen to be best friends with the girl’s mum.

Parents of autistic kids also often work from home to deal with the constant school absences and appointments.

I wouldn’t judge these parents unless you are so close to the adults you know for a fact what is going on. Sounds to me like you are basing your judgement on what an 11 year old is telling their friends.

There is also no way the school would have accepted this level of absence without actually having had a number of meetings with the parents and being aware of the underlying real reason.

I appreciate you are feeling spectacularly superior here OP and you obviously have issues with this girl and her parents but you know fine well that it is absolutely none of your business. Worry about your own DC and leave this girls parents, who actually know her circumstances, to worry about her. You ‘saying something’ will just lead to you looking like an idiot.

My dd had a whole year off once and is now in part time.

She also goes on her phone/gaming sometimes at stupid o'clock in the night when she is up due to her disabilities, it keeps her mind off the pain.

Be annoyed all you like, but you likely only have 10% of the story.

Keep focus on your child, Op.
She is worried about her friend so make sure your DD stays solidly attending school and keeping up with her commitments and sleep.
Assure her that friend will be checked by the welfare officer if she misses too much school.

School will take steps when her attendance falls below a certain number. Schools were obviously lenient after covid but they're ba k to normal now! Personally I'd stay out of it, but would put daughter's phone to sleep at a certain time, so she's not disturbed by her friend.

Yeah, tell her straight, then please do report back and tell us how it went.

🙄

Remember, your intel has come from an 11 year old.

OP, this girl could be tremendously anxious about school but is masking with her friend. I wouldn't be so quick to judge the parents.

Yeah many people said similar about and to me/my parents when my school attendance dropped to 18%.
I'm eternally grateful to my parents for saving my life, by prioritising my welfare rather than blindly forcing me into school when my life limiting health issues began.

But you didn’t say that?

Anyway, I’m not quite sure why you think it’s any of your business, and why you lack the self control that would prevent you saying something to them. 🫢

This. OP MYOB, you have no idea what issues are at play here.

YABU and a busybody.

If the child is suffering with EBSA I pray you never have to walk a day in the shoes of her parents OP. I'd keep your judgements to yourself if I were you.

Mind your own bloody business. Busybody.

And it is plain and simple idiocy to think it is that simple. You're acting very superior for someone with a very low IQ.

For your own good, do not say anything. Unless, you wish to make an enemy?
That said I’d encorage DD to make other friends.

Unless your daughter picks up the same habits, its not really impacting you.

I would be actively discouraging my daughter's friendship with this girl, for whatever reason she is not going to school you don't want your daughter thinking it's a great idea.

Yes, great idea, keep your dd away from people with disabilities because they aren't being a good role model.

Ffs, it's 2025, I thought this shit was over.

Don't meddle. And don't make up stories or false accusations to an authority.

Nd burn out is a real thing and is happening all over western Europe

The school, mum and local LA will cooperate. There is a massive flood of home educating going on. The family will weigh their own options