AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

[Tickyandtackyandjackiethebackie]

DD has just started at secondary school and one of her good friends Ella from primary has started at a different school, which is walking distance to her house.
Dd's friend missed a huge amount of school after covid for various reasons to the point where her attendance in year 6 was less than 50%.
Ella has frequently admitted to DD and others she has told her parents she is ill/tired/anxious so she doesn't have to go to school. DD and her other friends have been quite shocked by this and I think one of her parents haven't challenged her as they wfh so don't have childcare issues.
Ella was supposed to start her new school yesterday but didn't go as she was 'tired'. She appeared to be perfectly find when video calling DD at 8pm last night! I feel really sad that this girl is missing out on an important transition and missing the opportunity to make new friends and have a fresh start. I imagine the school attendance officer will be on her case soon enough though.
So, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with Ella's parents for essentially not parenting! I think I will find it difficult not to say something when our paths next cross.

You really don’t know the full picture. My daughter developed ME (chronic fatigue syndrome) when she was 15. She missed a lot of school but she was genuinely too tired to attend. And it was years before she was able to undertake full-time work although she did make a full recovery in the end. Having experienced long Covid fatigue which is not dissimilar I know that pushing through only makes things worse. Another friend’s daughter was a ‘school refuser’ for approximately two years but although not formally diagnosed she also had huge issues with fatigue which later resolved. Luckily she was very bright and was able to catch up at school once able to attend regularly. Mental health issues can also be a legitimate reason for difficulty attending school. I just wouldn’t assume that the parents are indifferent or being taken in by this child.

You don’t know what is going on

Ella is likely giving her friends a half story. Anxiety is a complex issue and may well result in her reluctance to go to school. Her parents will be frustrated and are doing/allowing what they think is best for their child.

I have been that parent fighting the school to listen to help my child. You don't know what is going on behind closed curtains. My daughter is now 18 and going to uni.

Absolutely none of your business and don’t understand why or how you think it would be! You have no idea what is actually going on with her (mental illness, physical illness etc) unless you think harm is actually happening (which it does not sound like you do) keep out and put your busy bodying efforts into parenting your own child!!

What purpose does being annoyed serve it’s your resentment - wallow in it all you want if it makes you feel better are you feeling a bit superior here ?
is there anything constructive you can do to help resolve the situation there are plenty of agencies that will respond if you think that there is neglect or harm that is being caused otherwise you should get a hobby !

Since when is tired a reason to not go to school. That would not have been accepted at my school. The only reason for ever being off was being sick and even then you had to be properly bed bound. I have a genetic condition of which one of the symptoms is daytime sleepiness and I didn't get to take time off work for that.

I would quietly (and to dh) judge their parenting

Fatigue and tired/sleepy aren't the same thing. You know that bone deep exhaustion and worn out feeling when you have the flu? Times that by 10 and you are somewhere near the feeling of fatigue. It's like when you move or use your body you are moving through treacle not air. It's your body that is fatigued not your mind. I can be wide awake just after 10 hours of sleep and have fatigue.

YABU
If you were a close friend to the parents, if say bring it up sensitivily and offer support. If you're just a former school mum acquaintance then leave it to the professionals. The primary school will have liased with her new school and be well aware. Hopefully they will put things in place.

YABU! Mind your own business!

At one point, I had certain people gossiping about me and wanting to report me (not sure who to) because my DD was "always at home".... I was legally home educating her.

At that time, my DS was also using every (very convincing) story in the book to get out of going to school on certain days. It transpired that he was anxious on those certain days because his sister was out of the house and I was home alone and have health conditions. I'm pretty sure he never told his friends the real reason he was, as we say locally, skiving school!

I'm pretty sure her parents are aware, the reasons are complex and none of your business!

I think it's not your fkn business..you don't know what goes on in peoples lives behind their doors.
Sit back down and MYOB