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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So upset with my brother and his wife

229 replies

Brunettesmorefun · 03/09/2025 18:10

I’ll try and keep this short. I lost my daughter 6 years ago and it has been hard. 3 years ago I was very upset by my sister in law and a post she made on social media. I spoke to her and my brother and told them how upset I was. We talked it through and I apologised. We alll said we would forget it and move on. Only she hasn’t. I tried to make amends by sending nice presents etc and never received a thank you.

Three months ago out of the blue they announced that I was not allowed in their house! To say I was upset is an understatement and I am so upset with my brother for not standing up for me. I am finding it difficult to get over and feel so sad.
How do others cope with similar situations?

OP posts:
Merseymum1980 · 03/09/2025 18:14

Could you elaborate on the original post she made that upset you. Its hard to give advice with out the full information

MolliciousIntent · 03/09/2025 18:15

I feel like we're missing 95% of the story here.

BurnTheFamilyTree · 03/09/2025 18:15

Merseymum1980 · 03/09/2025 18:14

Could you elaborate on the original post she made that upset you. Its hard to give advice with out the full information

Yes, I agree. Context is everything.

DeeKitch · 03/09/2025 18:16

What did she do?

Sorry for your loss xx

Aria2015 · 03/09/2025 18:17

So much of the story missing. You say you apologised so suggests you were in the wrong? If that's the case, you can't make someone 'forgive'. You can try and repair things, but that doesn't necessarily means they'll be repaired. Need more context really.

GagaBinks · 03/09/2025 18:17

Nowhere near enough information to offer you any thoughts or advice, unfortunately.

CopperWhite · 03/09/2025 18:17

Does she have a reason for preferring not to have you in her home?

whistlesandbells · 03/09/2025 18:20

“Three months ago out of the blue they announced that I was not allowed in their house”

Do you think this is connected to the fall out from the social media post or did anything at all happen in the lead up to 3 months ago. Also, how was this announced? By them to you personally, by message or third party, like a relative? Why would you be in their house, for an event, a regular visit?

BettysRoasties · 03/09/2025 18:20

If you did something you needed to apologise for you also need to understand that she doesn’t have to accept your apology or move on from it.

What did she post and what did you do.

DiscoBob · 03/09/2025 18:21

She clearly isn't sorry for what she did/said in this SM post.
As others say it would be helpful to know what happened there?
It sounds like you're being reasonable and she isn't but without that background it's impossible to tell.

Topseyt123 · 03/09/2025 18:22

What was the post that upset you? What was it about? It's impossible to judge anything without the context there.

SullysBabyMama · 03/09/2025 18:23

I’m assuming the post was something about you and your brothers parents meeting their new baby and it said “First grandchild” but your baby was their first grandchild..

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 03/09/2025 18:23

So SHE wrote an offensive post online while you were grieving, and YOU were the one who ended up apologising and grovelling?
And now she is offended at you? For getting offended at her offensive post?

That's gaslighting OP. Steer clear. Your brother has picked a right charmer

Changingplace · 03/09/2025 18:23

Why did you apologise when she made the social media post? Three years is a long time ago, what’s happened more recently and how did you find out you’re not welcome in their home?

PinkyFlamingo · 03/09/2025 18:25

Not understanding this at all, she upset you and you apologised? Something missing in the middle!

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 03/09/2025 18:26

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's hard to say if you're being unreasonable or not, it depends on what the post was, and what you said to her afterwards.

Nostylequeen · 03/09/2025 18:26

Op I think you leaving the actual context out is quite telling. Surely no one can say if it’s UR if they don’t know what has actually happened

Silverbirchleaf · 03/09/2025 18:27

i’m guessing sil put a post about the loss of her niece (op’s daughter) on sm, and op was upset by this. When op explained how upset she was, I’m guessing Sil controlled the narrative, (making it all about her?) and hence op ended up apoligising. Pure speculation .

Op - sorry for your loss. No one wants to go through what you have been through.

Regarding your sil, they’re not worth the effort. You’ve tried , sent presents, been nice to them etc. Give yourself permission to move on from this.

Tagyoureit · 03/09/2025 18:29

So she made a post on sm, you got upset, you apologised to her, have since sent nice gifts and now she wont let you in her house?

The woman is an utter dick based on that!

Letsgoroundagainnow · 03/09/2025 18:30

Much more info needed.

Plethorapeach · 03/09/2025 18:31

i’m guessing sil put a post about the loss of her niece (op’s daughter) on sm, and op was upset by this. When op explained how upset she was, I’m guessing Sil controlled the narrative, (making it all about her?) and hence op ended up apoligising. Pure speculation

That was exactly what I was thinking. .

AnkleZone · 03/09/2025 18:32

I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I have to say there is very little that I wouldn’t forgive from somebody who had lost a child. I hope this gets resolved. You need good people around you. Xx

Hankunamatata · 03/09/2025 18:33

She hasn't forgiven you and moved on. What else do you need to know?

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 18:34

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 03/09/2025 18:23

So SHE wrote an offensive post online while you were grieving, and YOU were the one who ended up apologising and grovelling?
And now she is offended at you? For getting offended at her offensive post?

That's gaslighting OP. Steer clear. Your brother has picked a right charmer

Edited

Depends, as pp have said.
What was the post, was it intentionally offensive, or were you sensitive to what it was about?
Was it directed at you?

KhakiOrca · 03/09/2025 18:51

Sorry for your loss OP. Could you please elaborate.