Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

In terms of stuff:

if you do forget anything London has shops. Lots of them. It also has Amazon next day delivery.

more generally: clothes, toiletries. Is she serif catering? If so then a couple of pans, wooden spoon and some crockery and cutlery.

presumably she’s going into halls?

London is a great place for uni, my son went.

Yes she is self catering. I was thinking it might be difficult to travel with kitchen items on the train so she may be better ordering them to be delivered once she arrives. I’m in absolute fret about all of it though!

Did your son feel safe in London? All the knife crime stars have me in a dizzy. She’s not a silly girl but I know that it will be a big adjustment going from a sleepy farming village to a global powerhouse. Her halls are quite central too I’m not sure if that is better or worse to be honest!

She sounds like she is a really mature young person. You said ‘She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc.’
Hold onto that thought. You (family and your late daughter) have given her the life experiences and confidence to make this decision.
I found it hard when my two DC went to Uni and missed them like crazy but that’s our job really - to encourage them to go out in the world to start the next chapter of their life.
She knows you are there to support her and where her home is. You can keep in touch text and video calls etc
Let her spread her wings and fly!

If she is in halls - usually they know ahead of time who they will be sharing with and set up chat groups etc so that means they don’t end up with 8 frying pans and 5 air fryers etc so encourage her to to do that if she can . Bedding and some nice things for her bedroom and kitchen basics as @Octavia64 says. The rest is Amazon !

Do you mind me asking which university? Maybe I can offer some advice about the surrounding area.

Oh bless her! And you. I can only imagine your worry, but I’m sure she’ll do just fine x

Yes she is in a little group chat on her phone for the halls and knows some names etc. already. I think that’s why we will wait and order anything she needs for the kitchen once she is there, that way she won’t get anything she doesn’t need.
I think I will have to nip out and buy kitchen knives and cutlery though as she isn’t actually old enough to buy them herself yet!

Yes it’s UCL, so quite central!

London is a massive massive city. Please do bear that in mind when you look at the knife crime stats.

in addition a lot of crime is focused in particular areas.

her halls will be safe. Central London is safe, certainly during daytime hours. The university will be safe.

There are 8 million people in London.

I think it’s pretty natural to worry, particularly in your specific circumstances, but I’m quite sure she’ll be fine and have a wonderful time. She’s very lucky to have you!

I moved to London at that age. She will be with other students just a few months older than her and will be fine. The only piece of advice to give her is to be careful about using her phone on the street in case of snatching. She’ll meet people in fresher’s week and everyone will be in the same boat so I imagine she will make friends fairly quickly. Try not to worry, you are always at the end of the phone.

Sorry, didn’t mean to quote entire post.

Also she is quite worried about not fitting in/having the right clothes.

I think she is worried that our sleepy village trends might not translate to London trends. So if anyone has a daughter/granddaughter around her age, what are the stylish clothes everyone is wearing down in London? I’ve just ordered her some Adidas trainers and New Balance trainers as hers are looking rather worn. Are there any brands that are super popular?

She will be fine. Suggest using a phone cross body bag at all times and dont walk around with phone out. Go into a shop if you need to text or call when out or check Google maps.
There are shops in London and amazon delivers to student halls

If she is doing French and German she'll probably do a year abroad, in which case moving to London is excellent preparation! If she can cope in London (and I've no doubt she can) then she'll be well equipped to cope in another country.

Make sure you've had a chat about being a bit streetwise, things like don't stand on the corner of the street holding an expensive phone loosely in your hand, make sure you are aware of your surroundings when you're in an unfamiliar place, that kind of thing. But honestly London is very safe place, especially the more student-y areas, and I'm sure she'll have a wonderful time.

Honestly she will be fine. My son went to UCL at 18, self catering halls, and has had an amazing time. He made friends quickly (not just at UCL). He had his phone nicked once (he was an idiot and left it on A table in a bar when I suspect he was a bit pissed. Tell her to keep her phone hidden (at least don’t walk around staring at it), and generally be alert and stick with friends. Perhaps get her some advice on drink spiking. This hasn’t happened to DS but I know it’s an issue.

She will have a lovely time. Maybe look into booking cheap flights for trips home (I think they can be a lot cheaper than the train, if less green).

Free Uni education in Scotland means that most students stay in Scotland - it just makes financial sense. But best of luck to her at UCL and well done to her for studying languages. She'll have a ball.

Yes I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about the year abroad!! She’s only been abroad a few times in her life so far!

Let her buy when she arrives she can take miminal clothes with her. Observe and see what she wants to buy when she arrives. But also anything goes in london. Don't send her with all new clothes . Send her with the ££instead

DS went to UCL and was in halls the first year. It's a great uni and was a fabulous experience all round for him. You can get everything you need in the shops near the uni.

Please don't be overly terrified of knife crime. Much of it is gang related. I walk around London alone and feel perfectly safe. Central London is pretty safe.

That said, let her not wave her phone around or flash cash, and be aware of pickpockets.

UCL has a high proportion of international students. That will be good for your granddaughter, I think.

How well she and you have done. You must be so proud and I’m sure she’ll be absolutely fine, though I can understand that you are worried. She will work out what she needs to buy, I’m sure and I would maybe have a chat with her about keeping safe in London to reassure yourself as much as possible.
So sorry that you lost your daughter.

She can buy clothes when she’s there- she’ll find her own style. Sounds like an exciting adventure.

The other thing I’d say (as a 50s person) is that anything goes in London. She will find her tribe. Clothes? My DS wore jeans trainers and old tshirts…. The more ripped the better 😫. Lots of thrift charity shops about too.

I was at UCL back in the day and several of my friends kids are at assorted London colleges. UCL is a top place - good choice. Try not to worry. UCL is very central and the halls are spread about but not really far away. I was too far to visit home during term - I think seeing parents during term is a relatively new habit and I don't visit my own dd who is less than 2 hours away! Yes just get the kitchen stuff etc down there - no shortage of shops - or internet and then she'll see exactly what she wants/needs.

One thing you needn't worry about is knife crime. I live in an area of London notorious for this and it's pretty much 100% gang related. Members of rival gangs (or wannabes) tend to prey on one another, not outsiders. At 17 and a Scottish uni student she isn't going to be impacted by it at all. It also tends to be localised rather than in Central London.

its going to be hard on you all at first but it's also going to be a great adventure.

There is an Ikea at Oxford Circus now. Between that, Amazon and the Pound shops on every high street she could turn up with just the clothes on her back and be fully kitted out in 2 days.

Not being funny but London is a law unto itself when it comes to fashion.

there are so many people there from so many different backgrounds that it’s not like rural England (or I presume rural Scotland) where fitting in is important.

as a London uni there’ll be plenty of international students - so people will be wearing almost anything from full on burka to crop top and shorts.

fashion isn’t about fitting in in London it’s about standing out.