Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

Just wanted to say you sound like a really lovely granny. Your GD will have the time of her life, it will be an adjustment for both of you but you’re just at the end of the phone.

Your granddaughter will be just fine. Stop worrying, she will maje you all very proud.

I'm afraid there might be some discomfort initially or perhaps something of a honeymoon period. I think key is knowing when you are struggling and telling somebody.

Yes, and also university students fall into so many types - the different trendy subcultures, and even those who aren't into being trendy! Being from a small Scottish farming village will probably make her stand out as interesting if anything! Most university students are open-minded and accepting.

I can understand your worry, but you should be proud of her. I'm sure her mother would be proud too. I'm sorry for the loss of her mum (your daughter, and I think you said her mum, ie your wife I think?) too. It sounds like you and her dad have brought her up really well, so congrats to you. You'll feel the wrench of her going, but it will become the new normal and you'll have a lot of fun catching up with her.

I have no advice but just wanted to say how lovely the vibe is on this thread. It makes a change from some of the comments you read on MN.

I hope your granddaughter has a fantastic experience in London and I’m sure she has a bright future ahead of her.

I was her, best thing that ever happened to me. London has shops and Amazon so buy her some nice things - my mum sent me to uni with both a nice tea mugs, tea and biscuits and a large bottle of vodka - both helped lots with making friends. She's clearly an amazing girl and the world is her oyster, just sit back and watch her blossom and grow. You sound like a wonderful grandmother. Don't give her too much at first but my mum put together a shoe box of things I liked (some Percy pigs and mini Colin caterpillar cakes, some nice bubble bath etc and a lovely card) and sent it after a week which was perfect as that's when you often get a hit of homesickness, she sent two or three boxes like that each term and it made me so happy. Also, always let her know the money is there is she wants an unplanned train or flight home for a weekend.
It she's getting the train, maybe give her cash for a taxi to residences when she arrives so she doesn't try to navigate public transport with luggage. I took two cabs a term - to and from the station. And ordering more on Amazon or even shipping a box of things is sensible.

Does the university definitely, 100% know she is 17? They should have very different processes in place as they are in loco parentis until she turns 18. This means they have very different legal responsibilities to her than to an adult student.

Me and a friend turned up at uni in the late 90s at 17 and it was a huge thing then, with the Uni denying they knew we were under 18 and it was all very complicated to sort out.

This is definitely something to investigate before you turn up.

Leaving dreary backwards Scotland for one of the world's most best cities? I'm sure she'll love it

Apologies - I've just re-read the initial post, and realised that when you wrote 'since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago', you probably were referring to one person - I first read it as referring to two different people. Still, condolences for your loss, and well done for bringing up such a lovely confident granddaughter.
x

I’ve pm’ed you @Janeyta as we have lots of similarities-
the 2 locations the other way round and ongoing, and I was your gd 40 years ago coming to London to do the same subject.

I went away to uni at 17. Despite the indignity of having an UNDERAGE stamp on my hand at the social events at the student union during freshers week it was absolutely fine. she will be particularly fine if she’s been working and will have more wits about her than many of the 18 year olds I know going to London unis!

As far as bedding is concerned, most universities do offer a service to provide a room package for those travelling by public transport, typically duvet, sheets, covers, pillows, towels and kitchen basics

My husband left a small town in scotland for uni in London many years ago and absolutely loved it.

I have lived in London for 46 years and never found it unsafe - any mroe than any other town or city. TBH it's so busy/ if you live near the tube life goes on every hour of the day - I found it an incredibly safe feeling place to live.

and the excitement!

btw. my dad also scottish went to uni at just turned 17 and had a very long happy succesful life.

There is now an Ikea at Oxford circus (pretty close to where your grandaughter will be) and that would be perfect for buying essentials for halls such cutlery crockery bedding etc without spending a fortune. She will have a great time I'm sure. My dd (mid 20's now) has lived and worked in London since Uni and although you worry about them, girls are so good at forming friendships and looking after each other and I'm sure your grandaughter will be the same.
My dd also studied French and German at Uni and spent her year abroad in Paris which was scary for us but honestly she made great friends with other girls in Paris for the year abroad from her uni and had a fab time. Came back with a new maturity, better cooking skills but also an appreciation for home (I worried she would never come home!)

Yes they know for sure, as safeguarding made it clear she couldn’t sign for her own Accomodation etc. and she could only be offered one or two halls as the others don’t accept under 18s.

This is such a lovely thread. Good luck to you all!

Oh @Janeyta you’re making me want to greet! She sounds amazing and well done to you for raising such a wonderful woman. I’m so excited for her. Many of my friends went to London and I always regretted not getting a job there. I think London is very like a series of joined up villages. It’s so compact to walk around the city centre. I took my 14 year old daughter down for a holiday last year and we had a great time. We stayed near St Pancras and explored the city (mainly on foot). It’s one of my favourite parts of London. My daughter loved the vibrancy. If she’s homesick, there’s a cafe in Islington called Auld Hag, she can get a roll and square sausage! The one thing my friend’s daughters (who are also Feb birthdays) struggled with was the obsession with alcohol by their flatmates (all 18 and excited about the freedom) but your granddaughter sounds like she’s got her head screwed on and I expect international students don’t binge as much as Scottish people. All the best to her, and I hope you enjoy visiting regularly.

Then she is really close to UCL in a busy, buzzy area.

Lifelong Londoner here. It's a good area to be in

I’ve two and London unis- it’s an amazing place to study and they get loads of work experience. Phone theft is huge so they need to be careful with that. Leon subscription is fab as they get five free drinks a day and discount for hot meals that are really good. If she can download Citymapper app that would be good - buses are quicker than tube quite often and also we all end up walking loads. In terms of what to buy we always use see through umbrellas ( tulip shaped are fab) so that you don’t end up bumping into people all the time. UCL is a great campus and there’s loads of support so she will find her tribe quickly! She’s done so well you must be super proud ! Trainers wise take a not so nice pair for when it’s raining and for the tube. Bag wise go cross body and have a spare set of money at home with numbers on a piece of paper in case hee phone does get stolen . I walk around central all the time and it’s fine - I feel safer in London than anywhere else

Awww OP I just want to give you a massive hug! Your Granddaughter sounds amazing and you sound like a fantastic Grandparent. You must be so proud of her.
London is such a hugely diverse city that everyone fits in and nothing is weird or unusual because anything goes. I moved to London when I was 19 and my parents bravely waved me off but I know they were worried sick! I was fine by the way and lived there for over ten years.

You are not being unreasonable at all to be worried about her - totally natural. She will find her people and fit right in and she will have an absolute ball!

Lots of great advice on here. I just wanted to say you sound like a fantastic granny and I'm sure she will have an absolute ball!

What a lovely thread 🥰 So sorry for the loss of your daughter/her mother. You have done her proud. Your grand daughter sounds amazing and I wish her every joy in her new world.
I found it a big deal to let mine go and of course you’ll miss her but you’re a victim of your own success - you’ve created a strong independent woman!
All the best to you both. Look forward to her coming home with stories of all her adventures.

Aw, OP. She's going to have the most fantastic time.

Of course you're nervous. That's to be expected. It'll be okay. She'll be okay. The world is her oyster! And it's a small world, really.

She's got so much to see and do! Very exciting. I'm sure she'll find her niche - its such a massive city that there is space for everyone.

Just sending you all my best.

The only thing I'd add to the advice already given is that if she's travelling by train/bus up and down to Scotland between years she needs to be sensible about how much 'stuff' she acquires.
Don't go nuts on the kitchen stuff, or things for her room if she's going to have to figure out how to move it all out at the end of the year with no help from a convenient adult with car/van. Keep it to absolute basics until she's in accommodation that has a lease covering a full calendar year and not just an academic year!!

Aw bless yer. She’s going to have a fabulous time and make lots of lovely friends that will look after her. You are going to worry. It’s life I’m afraid.

my second leaves a week on Saturday. I’m worrying too but I know she will be fine.

They can buy anything they haven’t got. Mine is concentrating on duvet covers, bath mats and fairy lights!