Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

She is so lucky! UCL is an excellent university and they have all the systems in place to support students. She will have a supervisor to turn to, a counselling service and of course her new mates to gather round her. Of course you are worried, but she will survive and come through it all with flying colours. That is what University is for, not just to educate on the chosen subject, but to mature, make friends and have a lot of fun. It is natural for you to worry, she is very precious to you. A friend once told me, "you have to hold tight with open arms". Be there when she falls in love and it all goes pear shaped. Forget about clothes, she will find her own style, probably something that you would be horrified at!! Think of Goth, Punk Rockers and hairy Hippies. She'll do just fine.

My 17 year old went to university (Newcastle, not so far). The university had a duty of care for him until he was 18, in fact, they wouldn't change his offer to firm until I had signed a form saying that I was willing to allow them to 'look after' him - I forget the exact wording.

If you haven't seen anything like this, I would contact the student support services at UCL and find out what they can do for her.

I have a 16 year old DD, tell your granddaughter to head to urban outfitters or Hollister

The accommodation costs in the best Scottish Universities are horrendous - and in Edinburgh, particularly, there is an enormous influx of the 'Yahs' (private school educated students who failed to get into Oxbridge. They are very insular and have been known to be very insulting to fellow students with Scottish accents. They are a particular problem in Edinburgh University). I have known several very able young people who have dropped out because their courses were full of Yahs and they found it difficult to make friends).

Accommodation for 4 years in Edinburgh and some other Scottish Universities comes to a much higher total bill than 3 years tuition and cheaper accommodation in England or Wales. Both mine went to English Universities with their eyes wide open.

Yes.Edinburgh has had issues with non - scottish affluent private school students being prejudiced and exclusionary to home students. The tab and a clique from Pollok halls were all implicated.

Converse!

Agree PP Urban (Outfitters) is popular but expensive.

But in a city there are many different styles of dress not one, and the students at UCL (and the surrounding institutions) will be coming from all over the world.

My,dd, is off to uni too, in just over a weeks time. She is staying in halls and went on social media finding out who her flat mates are, and talks to them regularly, moreover now it's getting nearer the time. My dd is so excited, and so are we, the family. I have told her to work hard, l know she will, but to enjoy every single moment. We want her to have a great time. When l did my nurse training, in the 1980's l lived in the nurses home. I didn't know a soul and was over 100 miles from home. It turned out to be the best time of my life, learning so much on the way. Being independent, loving within my means, buying my own food, washing my own clothes, it taught me more than l could ever have known. There was no social media then, mobile phones weren't around either, there was one pay phone in the corridor of the home. I got on just fine and your granddaughter will be too. You have prepared her for this , she will manage very well. Her new friends may well become friends for life and they will help each other.
It does cost buying bedding, duvets pillows pans cutlery, towels , crockery and a big food shop to start them off & in our case a new laptop...We all worry about them going off to uni, it's such a big life change, but being the doting grandparents you are, she will have the common sense to look after herself. Good luck and in three years time you will look back thinking how amazing she has become and be bursting with pride when she graduates with a degree.....

This whole thread is just lovely OP. You clearly care so much for her. I also think she clearly sounds like she has her head screwed on. What a mature decision to go, independently, to London so she doesn’t ‘follow’ her friends and can spread her wings.

She is going to be absolutely a-okay.

Clearly she's not only an intelligent girl but a confident one, to go from a Scottish village to central London. She will be fine and she will have a wonderful student experience as London caters for absolutely everyone.
Don't worry about fashion - London is so diverse, anything goes! There will be plenty of people from far and wide at her Uni and she will have plenty of company in finding her feet and negotiating a new city.
Check what is provided re: bedding as duvet/pillow is likely provided so you only need covers.
All the shops of Oxford St are just around the corner including John Lewis/M&S and the new Ikea for kitchen stuff, plus plenty of reasonably priced clothes shops. As you're travelling by train I would say just bring the personal items from home that will help her settle.
I live in London and it is generally safe. She may not be street-smart coming from a village, but I suggest common-sense precautions you should take anywhere like not flashing any valuables, getting a cross body bag rather than a backpack for valuables, keeping hold of your drink in a bar/pub and not being out late alone.

I was a UCL student a very long time ago and have lived in London for 40 years - including many 'crime ridden' areas. Absolutely nothing to worry about. I even chose to have and bring up children on the edge of gang territory in a traditionally 'crime ridden' area. The only real risk is having your phone snatched out of your hand walking along and pick pockets in tourist areas. I bloody loved going to UCL - made me fall in love with London - and was in self catering halls on Gower Street (which is still a Hall).

Having read more of the thread - I just wanted to add - going to UCL to study (in my case against all advice from school - who said it was dangerous and bad, this was the 80s) was the single best decision I ever made. I had an absolutely marvellous time and it was where I met lifelong friends and my life partner. It also made London my base for the rest of my life and my children are born and bred Londoners. I could never imagine living anywhere else and my mind is full of the most incredible memories from being here. I'm mid-50s now and I still find it incredibly thrilling and joyful.

I'm sure she will have a great time. Can you travel down with her a book a night or two in a cheap hotel (eg premier inn, Travelodge) and take her shopping for essentials, to provide a bit of support for the transition?

My parents drove me to uni with everything I could have ever possibly needed and I barely used any of it. We shared kitchen equipment. I just needed a couple of towels, a couple of sets of bedding, a waterproof coat and clothes. Obviously I was very good at buying clothes for myself...

It does cost buying bedding, duvets pillows pans cutlery, towels , crockery ....

I would get the minimu m of stuff to begin with. She can add to it when she discovers what she really needs, and where the shops are

I was at uni and travelling alone around the world at that age.

30 years later it remains true that the biggest risk I’ve ever taking was marrying a man. By far the most likely person to harm a woman is her partner. Not a stranger in London.

What an amazing opportunity for her. Don’t spoil it with anxiety. Her life is about to open up beyond belief .

We had a 17 year old Scottish lass in our first year she just fitted in with everyone else, we maybe kept a bit more of an eye on her when we were out and about but she was fine. But people will look out for her.

get her Adanola, comfy knit sets from Pretty Lavish, Uggs

She wears clothes now right? So has enough to bring. Please Do not buy her a uni wardrobe on basisof mumsnet! . Let her find herstyle tons of charity and vintage shops in London and the usual h and m and zara and uniqlo.

She's not 2, she can choose her own clothes.
Best if granny gives her monthly clothes allowance.

Do not buy expensive items eg uggs unless she really wants and asks for them

Although I’m sure she’ll be fine from a safety and looking after herself point of view, she may struggle socially by not being able to go out to bars / clubs etc. due to her age. Even if that’s not really her scene, it’s where young students go out in the early days to get to know each other. The venues will be strict with ID and she won’t get in. There aren’t likely to get many other minor students in her halls so she may feel somewhat left out until her birthday.

I’m a January birthday and went to Oxford from Scotland at 17. I knew nobody. I have studied in Bloomsbury as a postgrad and to be honest if you are close it’s a similar vibe. It will be brilliant for her - the prices will be new but there’s loads to do, books on tap in the libraries and shops, the museums etc. I agree with someone above who said it’s been the making of them - I am happily London based and love my life down here. Some of the fitting in stuff is just not the same, there’s so much more open thought. Good luck to your granddaughter.

She might be more susceptible to bugs, coming from a small place to a big city. Encourage her to keep a stash of paracetamol and cold and f!I remedies. Wash her hands after using public transport.

And get all the jabs she's eligible for.

There's an Argos at Tottenham Court Road, that isnt far for anything she needs to pick things up. As a student she can get Amazon Prime free for a few months. Even if she has a bank account it's worth opening a student account for freebies and/or a good overdraft. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-bank-account/ The Santander one might be appealing for the free railcard but the Trip.com ap offers a few railcards for £9.99 on Fridays and 15% off anyway. Or if either of you has Tesco vouchers they sometimes do railcard offers there. Dont buy lots of electrical items until you find out if halls allow them. Once she gets there she may want to get a mattress topper as hall mattresses are often rubbish.