Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

my Nan used to do the same. ❤️

I moved to London from a sleepy west coast of Scotland village to London when I was 17. That was to work, though I did eventually go to university there when I was in my late 20s. I shared a house with four other girls. It was a bit of a culture shock, but sooooo exciting, like you had the whole world on your plate, so much to see and do, so many choices, it was literally life-changing. I was quite a shy girl, and just loved it. I do hope your granddaughter will too, and try not to let your anxieties impact on her joy and excitement at this new chapter in her life.

Thank you everyone, she really is so excited to go. She didn’t love the social experience of school very much (had a small tight knit circle that expanded a little in the last 2 years but she found it all very cliquey). So we are very hopeful this will be a better experience for her. I do wish she had gone for a Scottish uni and she did think about it for a while but I think London stole her heart!
She also broke up with her first real boyfriend of almost 2 years a couple of weeks ago so I think she’s desperate to get somewhere to new and away from the little village life where everyone knows everyone and has something to say about everything!

The only other issue I can foresee is she is a massive reader, has stacks and stacks of books in her room, hates kindle, so we will need to figure out a good solution for her being able to keep that up without her little room drowning in books!

Im also worried because she is quite tall and doesn’t really look 17, I don’t want people older than her assuming she is much older and treating her in a way that wouldn’t be appropriate for her age!

There’s an Ikea at Oxford Circus, and plenty of clothes and shoe shops - if she is short of anything she can just buy it!

It’ll be a great experience for her. UCL is a lovely uni, and that central area is very safe (phone snatching is the main risk, she just needs to keep her phone in her bag when she isn’t using it).

Ah we are west coast, Ayrshire specifically too!

@Janeyta I was in Argyll.

A few bits from Uniqlo would probably be good. The £14.90 cross body bag is good and extremely popular to keep her phone safe. I would imagine wide legged jeans and joggers will be popular, paired with t-shirts and puffa style jackets. The very best of luck to her, I’m sure she will thrive and meet lifelong friends. She certainly has a fabulous grandma.

Some good news because of her age, she gets free travel on all public transport.

You can apply for her Zip card here:

https://tfl.gov.uk/fares/free-and-discounted-travel/16-plus-zip-oyster-photocard

Once she’s 18 she can get the next railcard up.

I loved being in central London for uni. The knife crime areas are in more residential areas, not in the centre. She is in walking distance of Oxford Street, though, so don’t buy anything in the sweet shops as they are really expensive and covers for money laundering, and keep her phone out of sight.

The West End, Chinatown, Soho (much nicer since my time) are all really close.

And here is a list of recommended of what to bring from some students in 2022.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/accommodation/news/2022/aug/what-pack-coming-ucl

She is going to have a fabulous time.

You are reasonable to feel terrified and are doing the right thing in channeling that into supporting her dreams, you have clearly done right by her as she sounds tremendously high achieving and confident. Given what you all have been through I think you are wonderful and I think you're daughter would be so delighted with the job you've done

I'd let her wait to buy some clothes once she gets there because she'll have so many more options - including some fabulous markets like Camden and Portobello and great second-hand / vintage options which teenage girls often love.

I lived in London in my 20s/30s and loved it - don't think of it like one big city, it really is like a series of small towns and villages once you get to know your 'area'. My Mum was astonished that I had a proper old-fashioned butcher, fish mongers and bakery within walking distance. Plus a dry cleaners which had a woman sitting in the window with a sewing machine doing mending and adjustments. All things that had disappeared from our small market town in rural Lancashire.

At the start I used to carry a 'fake' purse in my outer pocket in case of being mugged - you know an old one with a little cash and some fake cards. The idea being you throw that to the mugger and leg it. I never came close to needing it so stopped doing that fairly quickly, but it's a possible option if you are worried.

Don’t worry UCL library is amazing she’ll love it and borrowing books!

i have a 17 year old daughter and live super close to UCL. Safety wise… you’re absolutely fine except do keep your phone tucked away when out eg; don’t walk on the pavement with the phone out next to the road as thieves on bikes can come past and snatch. Other than that she’s honestly fine in that area day or night.

fashion wise? Can’t go wrong with anything from Bershka or Urban outfitters. Tell her to have a look at both websites. UCL students are quite diverse so a kinda eco/festival style is popular too.

Our son went to Uni in London and had a ball. He would have loved to have stayed living in London but it wasn't affordable. I admit I was worried about knife crime etc (the Borough Market/London Bridge attacks occurred while he was living there) but realistically, something like that can happen in any City and we can't live our lives in fear. He's a sensible young man and the Universities have contingency plans in place for any attacks - his halls went into lockdown immediately that day.

While it's natural for you to have worries, try and keep them to yourself and be as supportive and encouraging as you can. Offer to pay for travel should she want to visit home anytime. She is spreading her wings and will have a brilliant time, I'm sure 💐

Oh and can I just ask, tech wise, will she need a specific laptop? Hers is quite old and slow now so we are going to update it. She has said she will use her savings from working to get one but I’d actually rather she kept that and we use some of the inheritance or maybe we even gift her one as a present for moving away/exam results.

Her phone is pretty new and on contract, we will keep paying that for her.

Get insurance for the phone and also the laptop. I’d keep some monies in reserve for when she’s been there a little bit and her needs become more apparant

I was the first in my family to head to uni and then went to work in London. That was in the days before mobile phones so my parents heard from me rarely. Can you make a family whats ap group so you hear from her sometimes? OR can she text you? She'll be able to get in touch if she needs to. I do know 2 families whose student child disliked London - one didnt go back after Christmas, one lasted a year and moved to another uni. So be prepared that while many will love it, some wont.

Initially she may be very busy with new friends and you may not hear from her often - it's important not to panic.

There are still public libraries in London, she can get a library card and borrow books.

She doesnt need all new, it was exceptional for that to happen when my kid went to uni.

For the stuff I would say get kitchen stuff when she’s down there. Check if they supply bedding or not. She might like some cushions and blankets to make her room cosy but they can also be bought there.
As for going, I can completely understand you being scared but I’m sure she’ll have a great time and as long as she’s sensible will be fine. Even though London feels daunting it is probably safer than a lot of cities because of having such good public transport.
There will be students there from all over the world so they will all have different fashion senses, maybe give her some money to buy a few things when she’s there and can see what she might like.

I have a friend who works in a University and they put in extra supervision in place for the Scottish students who come at 17, just extra personal tutor sessions to make sure they’re ok until they’re 18.

Please don't worry about this. They're all students, they're all broke and they all wear secondhand stuff from Vinted.

oh my goodness, you sound like a lovely lovely grandparent. My son is at uni in London and I live in Yorkshire We literally showered him with everything he needed the first year but within weeks he wasn’t using it because they all shared stuff and in year two when he moved out I ended up with it all back 🤣
she will have an amazing time. She sounds like a fantastic girl which uni is she going to?

OP My son is at UCL please dm me if you’d like a friendly face. He’s adorable!

@Janeytamy tag wouldn’t work. My son is at UCL please reach out if you need to he’s super friendly

I don't have any practical advice, as I've never lived in London and it was 15 years ago that I moved away for University. But I just wanted to say that your post has really moved me- your love for your granddaughter just shines through your words. She's very lucky to have you and you must be very proud of her, she sounds a wonderful and capable young woman ❤️

If you're on Facebook there's a useful group called What I Wish I Knew About University. There's also a section on here for higher education where people share questions and ideas.
Is she in halls near UCL? That's a lovely part of London.

Ah she is just such a wonderful young girl, always has been. Even in these teen years she’s been a delight, always offering to make me a cup of tea or cook dinner, she always messages on her way home asking if we need anything brought in, keeps her room tidy, even when she has gone out with friends and to parties she’s never over drank, always been home for when we’ve said to be and is so polite and grateful. Obviously I love all my grandchildren equally but it’s hard to not be extra proud of everything she has achieved and the young person she is becoming.

We bought our niece a George Foreman for her room, an air fryer and a toastie machine plus a small fridge. She was so grateful as the shared kitchen was a health hazard as no one cleaned up after themselves and food and drinks would disappear from the fridge and cupboards all the time.