Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

No advice but just wanted to comment how lovely it is for a Nanna to care so much for her granddaughter. She’s already lucky to have you watching out for her and having her back. Good luck to your DGD.

I just want to say, OP, you seem like a lovely nanna. And good on your granddaughter going to university in London!

My son was at UCL and in halls for the first year - they have halls in different parts of London, so if she could find out in advance where she’s going to be she’ll be able to familiarise herself with where the tube stations, bus routes etc are.

I’m sure she’ll have a great time!

I just wanted to say what a wonderful grandmother you sound! I’m sure your granddaughter must be nothing short of amazing too, having you for support. You’re considering everything and more and I expect she will too.

Life long east Londoner and knife crime not an issue unless you’re involved in crime, phone snatching is a thing though - cross body bag and earphones/Apple Watch a must.

I don’t want to say the exact halls but it’s very close to BT tower and I think Goodge Street is the nearest tube station.

She sounds lovely, as do you. I live in London, she’ll pick up the streetwise thing pretty quickly - if I have friends visiting from other places, I warn them about phones out at crossings, keeping bags zipped up etc - I’m sure her new friends will do the same, UCL has loads of Londoner students too. How exciting, what a life she is creating for herself

My DD is 17. She wears New Balance trainers and shops at Hollister mostly, Primark for basics and Subdued. Her and her friends wear baggy hollister jeans, tight short T-shirts and baggy or fitted hoodies and jumpers.

My DD is quite young for her age and I feel confident when she stays with her London friends and goes out. I am sure your granddaughter will be with groups of other students 99% of the time and the places they enjoy won’t attract too many issues.

I was a student in London and lived there for almost 20 years and never felt unsafe. It’s really about where you go. It’s a wonderful city to be a student in. She will love it!

It must be so hard for you especially after losing your daughter (I’m so sorry) but try and relax. She sounds like a lovely, bright girl and she’s about to have the time of her life. Those three years at uni are so much fun. She won’t be the only one from a sleepy village.

Also these days terms are so short she will be back for holidays with all her news before you know it!

OP please come back and let us know how she gets on. In a month maybe? So much luck to you all

Central London is very safe.
Knife crime does not tend to affect white girls attending university in central London. (Sad but true)

@Janeyta - Well done for raising such a confident young woman! UCL is a great place to study (I did about a quarter of my courses there, though that was back in the last century). They have a fantastic array of students of all ages from pretty much everywhere, as does SOAS "next door".

I also moved to London when I was just 18 - for a job which I had quietly organised for myself. My mother tutted, as was her wont, but my dad just lent me enough money to tide me over until payday, drove me to the ferry and wished me luck. And the latter is the way to do it!

Don’t worry about clothes - there will be students from all over the country there and most of them will just be wearing jeans and trainers and jumpers the same as her. Very few will be wearing trendy designer clothes!

Will you be staying in a Travelodge or Premier Inn for a few days while she settles in? Or you might find a B&B on Booking.com for a cheaper option, as London hotels are expensive.

She will be able to get kitchen stuff, bedding, etc in places like Argos. It will be better to get most stuff in London or online, rather than carrying everything on the train. But she will obviously need a set of bedding as soon as she arrives.

I totally understand how daunting it must seem at the moment but all will be well, and she will soon make friends, get her bearings and settle in. Good luck to you and to her!

Just to say, I was only a few months older than her when I moved across the country for uni (west coast to east coast USA) and only 20 when I moved abroad to the UK. It was fine. Unis are used to kids coming from farther away. I grew up in a posh suburb and was super sheltered. I went to a big east coast city. London is not actually dangerous, especially not near UCL. Biggest risks are getting pick pocketed or doing something dumb when she is drunk.

re clothes I was worried about this and my advice would actually be to take her shopping after she is there and/or if you can swing coming down a couple weeks after she starts, she’ll have a much better idea what she wants. West coast to east coast is HUGE in terms of style differences and I do remember feeling out of place initially and I imagine similar will be true rural Scotland to London!

IKEA do starter kits with everything you need for a basic kitchen, would recommend ordering that.

You sound like you raised a lovely young lady, we about 30 mins from London, my dd goes into London for all her nights out, so I understand, it’s scary, but I make sure she gets taxi from station, just tell her to stick with friends, all bars near uni are student bars.
clothes wise, the trainers u got are good, maybe a barn jacket, and wide leg jeans. In mid rise. Primark is great for girls, pull and bear, bershka and Zara xx

Also just to say she buys 99% of her stuff second hand on Vinted. They all do now. Your Granddaughter will find her style at uni I’m sure as she finds her tribe. What a lucky girl to have you. You’re so caring. 🥰

Don't fret OP, she's going to be safe and have a great time. A grandson's just finished his time at UCL, no problems at all. His first year he didn't need much. Other than finding food and fares a bit pricey but that's because it was a shock to find out how much it cost to eat as he chose. You must feel very proud of her. Well done.

I just want to post to give you a big mental hug, and to just commend you for being what is so truly a wonderful grandmother to your granddaughter. To have navigated your own grief to still raise a wonderful bright and clearly ambitious young lady is incredible.

In terms of advice I moved to a big city from a rural county when I was 19 and the from another country to the UK - London to be exact when I was 23. And both moves were the making of me. At uni she won’t be on her own, she’ll make friends and she’ll love it.

Train networks in the UK are great, you’ll never be that far and can face time regularly.

Good luck to her and to you. It’s a new hard chapter but it’ll be exciting for her x

Like others, I really wanted to say what a lovely family you sound like. You must be so proud of your GD and it’s absolutely clear how much you care about her. I hope she has an amazing time at Uni.

Be kind to yourself when she leaves. It’s a big adjustment but it will be worth it when you see that she is thriving and out there living her life.

You should be so proud of her and I am sure you are. As someone has said, please remind her about personal safety as London is obviously very different to a Scottish town or village. Does she know how to budget and feed herself healthily? This is her big adventure and learning as she goes is part of it. It's lovely that you are helping her get all kitted out. I still have the garlic crusher, rolling pin and cheese grater bought for me almost forty years ago when I left for my degree. She may not need stuff like that if in halls but it's nice to have your own set of plates, cutlery etc.

I work in a University and FWIW the institution will try to ensure her main contacts (Personal Tutor etc) is CRB checked. They are aware of the additional responsibility which comes with under 18.

You sound a wonderful grandmother to your granddaughter. She will be fine - but it's only natural you are anxious about your under 18 year old child leaving a small community to big brash London. All will be fine

She will be ok. London is very diverse and her University will probably be 50% overseas students from many different countries.

Is she not interested in fashion herself? Maybe just give her the money to go and buy some clothes before she goes.

I went to London to work when I was 17 (almost 18) - lived in South East London which was rough as anything back then. I survived and I lived in a halls type place for 2 years which cushioned the madness of it all. (Worked for a bank and they owned residences)

Not sure it’s the most sensible decision financially though given the fee situation in Scotland. If she wants it though then fair play and good luck to her!!

This is a really lovely thread. All the very best to your GD! We had students from Scotland who were 17 on our course and you'd never have known they were a year younger. I seem to remember a friend who was at Edinburgh telling me the university shields them a bit from the drinking culture until they're 18 up there, I don't think that necessarily happens down south just to prepare you! But maybe it's all different now. UCL is in a lovely bit of London, if she's into her books it's all lovely squares and Bloomsbury set history. It's a wonderful place to live as a young person, you can walk to loads of central places from there. Hope she has a wonderful time!

Hi OP - and well said @Esperanza25; I'm also really sorry about your daughter.

I go into London often and honestly have never felt unsafe. I agree that it's good to be streetwise but knife crime is often in particular areas and gang related.

Scouts and Explorers from all around London annually go in to roam the streets playing the Monopoly game - many of them are annoying teenage boys and girls (😉) and I've never heard of them returning having felt unsafe or threatened.

I agree about fashion - it channels my favourite Eric Cartman quote: "Whatever! I do what I waaant!"

It's a great city.

It’s a big thing but she’ll most likely love it! Congrats to her, and you! And yes, UCL is central and she’ll easily be able to get things she needs.