Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

Just to add, my daughter studied languages and her year abroad was fantastic!

Just have to say what an incredible grandma you sound and what an unbelievable granddaughter you have… what a huge achievement.

set her up an ASOS and h&m account and Amazon and let her buy clothes etc when she gets a sense of what’s her style. I’d personally start plain - leggings/jeans t shirt sweats and trainers.

I was at UCL and it’s generally (buildings separate so I only know my bits) a lovely part of london please don’t worry.

Wishing her the best of luck - you should be so proud (and of course worried, part of the job!). I can’t imagine the hell you all went through losing your daughter/her mum and I’m sure she is looking down feeling so proud x

Congrats to your granddaughter!

I teach at a university (not UCL), and students wear all sorts. It's less like school where "fitting in" is a huge deal. By 17/18, students have found their style - or are trying out several! - and generally follow that, without worrying too much what is "in". I love seeing how creative some of them are. Others live in lounge-wear.

London will open whole worlds of shopping to her - I went to uni from a small village and had absolutely no clue but learnt from some much more stylish London friends!

Student social life is much less about drinking than it used to be, so her being 17 will matter less on that front than it might have done in the past. Especially somewhere like UCL, there will be a real effort to hold Freshers events in non alcohol venues.

Uni students all go through ups and downs. About 7-8 weeks in, when they are all ill, running out of money, the pace is picking up, things often look a bit glum. Remind her that not everyone is always having an amazing time, encourage her to be with mates (tennis club or other societies is a great idea, there will probably be language societies too, maybe even a Scots students one if she's homesick) , and make sure she knows the details of the uni student support. I hope she has the best time.

If she's the type of person who might like to get to know people outside of uni, so more a mix of ages etc, she could have a look at scotsinlondon.org. It promotes events, such as ceilidhs.

I'm not near her age but also from rural Scotland and live in London now. It seems intimidating when you don't know it but it is great when you feel more at home.

Brava to you and her, she sounds like a gem! Some kids are just up for the challenge OP. My mom says I was born with a backpack on, I ended up studying and living all over the world and loved every minute of it.

My youngest DD has just started in uni, one thing I did tell her is the most vulnerable time for 1st year female students are these first couple of months, aka The Red Zone. Most of them are totally unsupervised for the first time, partying with new people, excited and too trusting. She sounds very sensible and mature, but it’s no harm to go over ways to stay safe, buddy system when she’s out, no one gets left behind, if her drink is out of sight, treat it as spiked, phone safe, 20 quid tucked away in case she loses her wallet/phone. Unis seem like they’re way more proactive in helping the freshers find their feet these days too. If she has an iPhone, ask her if she’s ok with sharing her location with you via Find My iPhone (for emergencies only, no peeking 😂).

She’s very brave and I’m sure she got some of that from you!

I literally dropped my 18 year old son off at uni halls in St Andrews yesterday! I cried absolute buckets when I did finally leave him after helping him settle! I’m so proud of him but worried sick!
it’s their next chapter and they WILL be ok, and it’s completely normal to feel the way we do!!
he has text me constantly though ha! And he has already made some friends and also the rest of the students are coming to Halls this weekend (certain students were moving in yesterday) who he’s got plans to meet up with. It’s us that have the big “what if what if” but I tell myself he can always come home if it doesn’t work as can your granddaughter but I’m sure both of our super kids will do just fine x

I am sorry that you lost your daughter. It sounds like you have done an amazing job raising your granddaughter. You must be so proud, but please give yourself a pat on the back too.

We live in London. My kids went to university in other cities, but they are obviously out and about in central London when they come back from university. UCL is one of the best places to be a student. Some of the halls are near UCL, some are in surrounding areas in Bloomsbury and then they have a base in Camden which is easily doable on the bus.

There are loads of affordable places to eat and hang out.

It is safe. Thankfully, my kids have been unscathed from growing up in London, and going out in London.

Clothes-wise, anything goes. Students seem to wear lots of jeans and hoodies from places including Hollister, Bershka, urban outfitters and much cheaper brands too. Please tell your daughter not to worry about that aspect. Her style will change, and she might want to wander into Camden market and develop a new style!.

How exciting. Well done to all of you.

You can get things delivered to Amazon lockers near by before hand to save carrying things on the train. If you can, perhaps get a B&B and stay over night and take her clothes shopping the next day once she’s there and seen what she might want or need to save the guess work for you both?

Oh and there is an Argos nearby on Tottenham Court Road which can be useful for last minute household stuff. And places like Primark are very walkable. When I was at UCL we used to walk to the big Topshop (RIP!) all the time. I feel so nostalgic now!

You both need to remember that there are tens of thousands of kids her age, and their parents/guardians, feeling the same at the moment. It's perfectly natural.

Take some time to have a Google of the main things to take and get DGD to join some SM pages for the uni so she has some idea of what life is going to be like on the day to day.

It might be worth also getting her to look at what clubs she might want to join ahead of time and to make sure she knows who to speak to if she has any issues once there. The student union is usually a good place to start for advice.

You say she has some extra money so she doesn't need to worry about clothes etc - she can go and buy new things when she gets there if she finds she need anything. She's going to be in London so shopping is not going to be a problem!

If you're worried about safety, make sure she is aware of the main rules for staying safe on a night out and maybe buy her a little pocket alarm to ease your worries. Student areas tend to be safer than other inner city areas and they tend to stick together, too.

She's about to start what is for many people some of the best years of her life. She's bound to be nervous but she should also be excited.

It's so normal for you to be worried but please try to focus on reason and just being proud of her and ready to support her as much as you can.

Regular video calls home will help you both, and don't forget the value of a good old posted letter and care package from home - I kept all of my letters from my Nan from my uni days and that odd tenner and a packet of my fave biscuits really helped!

GOOD LUCK TO HER!

Honestly a 17 year old is vulnerable, just because of their stage of development and lack of experience BUT that's no reason to stop her following her dreams and doing what she loves. Kids have to learn and make mistakes, and that's no more of a problem in London than in a little village -- they can get into trouble anywhere! I'm sure she will be fine; it seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and knows she can call/talk to you if she needs advice.

Don't worry aboout stuff, there's plenty of cheap places for her to get anything she's forgotten or can't take on the train.

There's now a decent size Ikea on Oxford St and you can do click and collect from there too. Don't forget Dunelm for household stuff, students currently get 10% off over £40 spend, Ordering online is of course easier but if she wants to visit one, there's a big store at Staples Corner near Brent Cross West Thameslink, and one at White City Westfield.

Safety is about perception miuch of the time (and being a bit sensible). I actually prefer being in busy central London with lots of people, than walking empty surburban streets, especially late at night.

For clothing, anything goes really and she'll find her 'tribe' and her style as she settles in. It won't take long. I agree with a previous poster who said in London, fashion often isn’t about fitting in, it's about standing out.

Just wanted to say I’m sorry about your daughter💐It sounds like you’ve done a fantastic job of help raise an ambitious, intelligent and confident young woman.

Of course YANBU to worry. I don’t think the worrying will ever stop. Even when she reaches late-20’s and 30’s.

London is an amazing city, probably the most diverse city in the world. I’m sure she’ll meet lots of other Scottish students who will be the same age as her. And the time will fly until she’s 18 and can legally do adult stuff! (Buying alcohol😂)

I wish her the best of luck and I hope you get to have lots of nice trips to London to visit her.

@Janeyta I'm sorry for your loss. And well done to your gdd for getting a place at UCL!

There were a handful of under 18 year olds at my dc university and I believe they had additional support for safeguarding reasons etc

Have you contacted UCL to see what their policy is?

Well what a credit to you and the rest of the family to raise such a great confident young woman!

Well done.

Ikea or asda places like that do some great kitchen sets for students.

You should be excited for her! Please don't be "terrified"- that's really not helpful to her. There will be lots of university & halls of residence care: whenever I've stayed in central London halls (in Bloomsbury as a university guest) I see signs for residential Deans on every floor. There will be a personal tutor assigned to her, and there will be many excited & nervous Freshers in her class. She'll be OK.

And you can buy a lot of the stuff for her room when you're in London. Check out where the IKEA nearest to her halls is. GO there - join the hundreds of parents who'll be doing that.

Your granddaughter sounds wonderful - good luck to her.

What a great thread and what an adventure for your DGD. You must be very proud. I hope she has a fab time.

You/she might want to check with the uni for any specific arrangements for her as she's under 18 (until Feb).

I have no practical advice but you sound so lovely. Your granddaughter is so lucky to have you.

I would stay in a hotel for a few days whilst she gets settled in, that way you can make sure her room is sorted and that she has everything she needs. Amazon will be your friend! I would probs buy bedding there and take it to a laundrette or ask the hotel to launder it so she has fresh sheets in her room.

My nephews insisted on a coffee machine and a mini fridge in his room whilst at uni but sure if this was actually allowed.

I hope everything goes OK OP

Peachy Den
Damson & Madder
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Sister Jane

For London, she needs a student Oyster card for all travel on public transport

https://tfl.gov.uk/fares/free-and-discounted-travel/18-plus-student-oyster-photocard

and the Citymapper app to plan how to get from place to place.

she will have a great time!

Most people have said what I would have recommended but I just wanted to say you sound like such a lovely grandma, and you have clearly done a fantastic job raising your granddaughter. I’m sure she will have a fantastic time x

Honestly she will be fine. Hopefully she finds a good friendship group. Only thing I’ll say is as she’s so central, beware of pickpockets and phone snatcher! It is sooo common, just tell her to have her wits about her.

Yes it’s UCL, so quite central!

Bloomsbury is really really safe in London terms. She can go to & from lectures with friends, and there are always people around in the area. She might want to develop street smarts for venturing north-east past Kings Cross, but honestly, most of the main areas in London where students are likely to be are packed with people till at least 11 at night.

I went to university at 17, moving from my parent's property where we had a drive a quarter of a mile long, which came off a bumpy farm track that was a mile to the nearest main road & bus stop. I went to university in a city rather more dangerous than central London. Although I needed to learn quite quickly to be more streetwise than I had been, I was not assaulted in the street, nor in any nightclubs.