Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

And a huge primark with home wares and clothes. She won't be stuck if she needs anything .
Sen d her with minimum basics and monthly allowance

Based on my own experience the only thing your granddaughter really needs to worry about is the English students doing "hilarious" impressions of her accent for the first month or so.
She'll be grand.

I live near UCL and well done to her for getting in.

She’ll be absolutely fine there. It’s a lovely area and very central and convenient. I’ve lived in that area most of my life and never experienced any crime. Try not to worry tomorrow too much, she’ll be absolutely fine.

You could pack light and save shopping for clothes until a couple of weeks after term starts. I spent my early 20s in London after growing up in a sleep country town, with all of the incredible shops she'll probably discover her new style and it could be fun shopping with her new friends.

In terms of safety, it can be incredibly scary, I'd encourage her to always stick within a group, never go home alone etc, stick to the well lit streets and always ensure taxis / Ubers are legit and licensed. There are many dodgy cabs who'll take you home for cheaper but as they're unlicensed you just lose that element of protection.

She will have the time of her life in London!

This is why I deferred my dd, for this very reason. January and February birthdays were always months that could be deferred. It makes me wonder why you never planned ahead better?

My husband and I came to central London, as students, in the 70's. Loved it, stayed and had our family here. London is FAB - lots of free arts and culture. As a student she will have an amazing time.

In terms of safety, it can be incredibly scary....never go home alone etc

This is scaremongering.

People go home alone in London all the time. Workers, including shift workers and night workers, have to take themselves to and fro alone.

My late aunt lived a stone's throw from UCL. Since she was single and lived alone, she would never have been able to go out if she'd believed it was too scary to come home alone.

You sound like a wonderful grandparent. Shes lucky to have you ❤️

My son works at UCL supporting first year students. There is a lot of support available so it might be worth your GD just knowing where that support is located and how she can access it.

If she is really finding things tough there is even more robust support available with 1:1 sessions. I believe my son runs courses on adult skills for some groups and he also did a drop in tea and chat. There is a good range of pastoral care.

Just the usual be careful with phones etc.

@Janeyta It’s been a lovely thread, but has loads of identifying information. Age,Uni course,halls location and backstory. I wouldn’t want to start uni with my backstory online. I’d recommend get thread deleted for privacy before she arrives in ldn

My son is at uni in London. I felt worried about it too as he was coming from a small town.
He loves it! He's naturally pretty risk averse but feels safe in the areas he explores.
I visited with my daughter in the summer and we felt very safe too and were out quite late.

Have a look at which shops are nearby that you'll be able to some household stuff from so that you can see her more set up with what she needs, which will be reassuring. Tkmaxx is great for kitchen stuff and cosy bedroom things.

Totally get it. We are in Scotland too and my daughter was only 17. I did try to persuade her to take a year off which she now wishes she had done. London isnt too bad for flights, shame she wont get free tuition though!

Wow, this sounds like such a big event for your family and it's so reasonable to feel anxious.

At the same time, she sounds like she has her head screwed on. Give her some space and I am sure she will check in regularly.

Also you should be absolutely bursting with pride. UCL is a fantastic university and it sounds like your GD is a superstar.

London universities have a very high proportion of international students who tend to stick with each other. Hopefully your GD will find a group of nice friends and join a few societies . Having no friends or family around can make life miserable.

My daughter went to Royal Holloway on the edge of London, she didn't drink but was in a bit of a toxic relationship with a local boy. She found that she made a Muslim friend on the first day and later was adopted by the Islamic society who were really kind to her through her emotional boyfriend related crises and some of whom she is still 9 years later friends with now. whereas she didnt fit in with the drinkers so much although made many friends. I was more worried about the availability of drugs at uni, but pointed out that anyone with an addictive personality can easily start on the easy drugs and then be unable to give up. This seemed to work. SHe had a great time. HTH.

I haven't read the full thread but as someone who works at a university, I think you should be aware that there is a policy for under 18s. As they are not legally adults there may be extra safeguarding measures the university will consider.

I've had a look at found this from UCL which might be worth a read

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/prospective-students/undergraduate/sites/prospective_students_undergraduate/files/under_18_guidance_and_guardian_consent_form.pdf

And this

https://studentsunionucl.org/forms/request-under-18s-membership-for-club-or-society

I'm sure the admissions team must have been in touch about this stuff though?

Should also have said massive congrats to your granddaughter and to you. She's done amazingly well and so have you

She sounds great, and so do you.
It's no mean feat bringing up a teenage grandchild (no matter how much you love them).
I wish her all the luck in the world.
I wish you luck too - I suspect you'll have 'empty nest syndrome for a while, which can be quite overwhelming! It will pass though, I promise.
I'll be thinking of you enjoying her new life vicariously - and you will! 😘

Let her buy her clothes there. The shopping will be half the fun for her and the shops are great! I always feel safe in London, safer than I have in other large cities. It’s a great place for young people, she will love it. It’s natural for you to be worried but honestly, this is a great opportunity for her to spread her wings so try to embrace it and look forward to her showing you around when you visit!

Hello, in the mid 90's I moved to Leeds Uni from Scotland in the October that I was 17 (I wasn't 18 until the December). Also spent 6 months in London during those 4 years. I quickly found lovely lifelong friends and we navigated our new situation together. Family were just a payphone-call away (didn't have half the tech we do now - was too embarrassed to use my mobile phone and email was still a mystery to me and everyone I knew!) and we all survived. I realise this feels huge for you, but nowadays there is nothing that can't be sorted out by an amazon delivery, a face-time call, or even a train/bus journey. She sounds a really well-adjusted, enthusiastic lass, and she will find her way. I heard a lovely thing the other day - "be their lighthouse, not their anchor", and I think about that daily! Good luck to everyone, and enjoy this exciting new chapter xxx

Tell her to not get drunk when out and about and always keep an eye on your drink in pubs for fear of spiking. Girls aren't known to be victims of knife crime but sex crimes certainly.

1. It'll be an amazing time for her. She is becoming a woman, becoming streetwise, let her find her own feet.
2. The University campus will have a load of activities, a lot to do with socialising. She may want to drink alcohol, February you say until 18? The bars on campus may not insist on seeing her age, but beyond will. She will be able to obtain false age verification, don't sweat, they all know at this age how to, obviously you won't be told.

Its a frightening prospect but thousands of 'children' go to uni every year and they go on to live productive lives!
🥰
She isnt going alone. There will be hundreds of others just like her, and more so. She will quake at first, then she will head out and make friends and her calls back home will give you peace.

When my son was in halls and later in private rented rooms, the really scary thing became hiw they managed to live in such squalor without catching something dire!
As I told one of the new starters, there are insects and germs in uni towns that
havent yet been mapped by scientists!

I jest..... but honestly, she will be fine. Just sut her down and ask her about the birds and the bees. I'll be surprised if she doesnt tell you more than you knew, school yards are the font of knowledge!
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