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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 03/09/2025 11:11

I wouldn't go back. Are you owed money? I feel for Eileen too, but I don't know how you can help her.

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

randomchap · 03/09/2025 11:13

Do you want to continue working there? Who actually employs you, him or her?

Is she capable of making decisions? Does he have a power of attorney in place if not?

CalzoneOnLegs · 03/09/2025 11:14

That’s awful OP tell him to Fork Off

AlwaysFreezing · 03/09/2025 11:15

You have employment rights. I'd speak to ACAS.

ZenNudist · 03/09/2025 11:16

They can't just fire you after over 2 years of service. Can you get paid notice? You should put in a claim for unfair dismissal. Contact ACAS. Also an employment lawyer. I wouldn't worry about upsetting Eileen. I'd protect yourself. It sounds like they have loads of money to pay you off.

Was it a silver spoon?

1099 · 03/09/2025 11:16

Do you have a contract of employment.
Who employs you, the son or the lady.
A lot depends on where you want to go with this. Do you still want the job, if not then I'd consider making a complaint about how you have been treated, if you were genuinely in fear you could take this to the Police.
If you still want to work there I'd consider contacting the lady direct and outlining that you didn't feel safe and you need reassurances that there will not be any repeat of this behaviour.

ZenNudist · 03/09/2025 11:17

Also YY to reporting to adult social services. Elder abuse us real. Poor Eileen.

Billybagpuss · 03/09/2025 11:17

Are you self employed or did you work for them via an agency? You need to protect your reputation and report where appropriate.

PinkyFlamingo · 03/09/2025 11:17

Do you have a contract?

Lifesyoungdream · 03/09/2025 11:17

He will probably contact you again when his mother needs taken to another medical appointment

Arlanymor · 03/09/2025 11:19
  1. Do you have a contract?
  2. Do you want to go back?

Everything hinges on these two questions. I am so terribly sorry that you were subject to such disgusting and aggressive behaviour by the way, you must be really shaken up, I would be if it happened to me.

ThejoyofNC · 03/09/2025 11:19

What a vile money grabbing git. Would rather see his mother suffer than use her own money on herself. I'd threaten him with the police.

Hoppinggreen · 03/09/2025 11:20

Even if you don't have a formal contract if you havee been paid by PAYE for 2 years you have employment rights
What do you actually want to happen?

Janeeyrre · 03/09/2025 11:20

He sounds very unpleasant and is using the spoon as an excuse to get rid of you as he has his eye on is mother's money, he thinks your wages should be sitting in his mother's account building interest for him.

I would report to adult social services, are there any other siblings that you can trust?

hydriotaphia · 03/09/2025 11:22

Sadly I wouldn't return, as it may not be safe for you. I do agree about making a report to adult social services, giving the information you have given here. I also suggest that you write them a letter also setting out the facts you have said here (to make clear that this was not dismissal with cause) and requesting payment for your notice period and any payment in lieu of holiday you may be owed. Good luck and I am sorry this happened.

Original poster
SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:23

Yes I have a contract and I'm employed by Eileen.

I love the job and the house but the idea of going back scares me badly. I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s and seeing him like that today has stirred it all up again.

Good idea on contacting adult social services, will find the info and get in touch.

Spoon is part of a nice stainless steel set.

OP posts:
Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

REP22 · 03/09/2025 11:24

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Does the elderly lady have dementia? A known trait in dementia sufferers (as you probably already know) can be accusations of theft against family members and carers; they move or hide things and then forget, but their brains don't tell them about the moving of the object, so the "only explanation" for them is that someone has stolen their watch/purse/keys/etc., Could the lady have told her son convincingly that you had "stolen" her watch when, really, she simply took it off and put it in a drawer herself?

I do agree with @Evenstar - I think a report Adult Social Services for safeguarding would be a very good idea. The son's reaction is extreme and speaks of inheritance-guarding at the expense of his mother's welfare. Sounds like he was after any excuse to get rid of you and save on your wages draining his prize-pot. Horrible.

You're not a bad person @SackedByaSpoon and I'm sorry this happened to you. Hope better things lie ahead for you, and that the elderly lady will be alright. x

Theunamedcat · 03/09/2025 11:25

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

You sound like the son making baseless accusations

Kingsleadhat · 03/09/2025 11:26

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

This was my first thought

Original poster
SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:26

Arlanymor · 03/09/2025 11:19

  1. Do you have a contract?
  2. Do you want to go back?

Everything hinges on these two questions. I am so terribly sorry that you were subject to such disgusting and aggressive behaviour by the way, you must be really shaken up, I would be if it happened to me.

If I could guarantee I'd never see him again I'd love to go back. Eileen and I get on extremely well and I love the place.

Yes I have a contract.

OP posts:
FairyBatman · 03/09/2025 11:28

If you are employed and have over 2 years service he can’t just fire you like that. Even if you have no intention of going back please phone ACAS and find out what your legal rights are they can also arrange conciliation so you don’t have to deal with him, but don’t let him get away with such terrible behaviour.

ElBandito · 03/09/2025 11:30

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Don't be a dick.

Original poster
SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:31

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

No, I know what and absolute position of trust the job puts me in and have never taken anything from any job that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I've borrowed items on occasion but have always asked first and returned them promptly (example - a rain coat when the zip on mine unexpectedly gave way and I needed to go to school to pick the children up in torrential rain. I returned it the next day once it was dry and asked the Mum first)

OP posts: