Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

[SackedByaSpoon]

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

This is a good plan

Not strange at all.
Did you get a thrill posting that?

Bloody hell OP, what a horrible experience.

You haven’t been sacked because your employer (Eileen) has not sacked you.

But you have been threatened and harassed out of your workplace,

I think contacting the other offspring is a good idea, but I would also seek advice and a view on your rights from ACAS. Knowledge is power. Also Eileen and the other offspring need to know what your rights are and what their responsibility as an employer is.

This sounds a very reasonable plan. It would be good to know what the position of the other son is, hopefully he will be able to intervene.

Son is a nasty and potentially violent bully and your lady is at serious risk of elder abuse if his behaviour is anything to go by.

You may have already started so apologies if so, but contact the other son immediately. Without you coming in the bully son may make an argument that she needs to urgently go into a home.

How awful. FWIW I’ve always got the add spoon or fork from work that I keep meaning to return that went home in a lunchbox. I work in a school so cutlery often accidentally goes in the bin too.

no employer, private or otherwise, would get away with sacking you for theft when trying to return a spoon taken the day before with permission (even if you couldn’t prove permission!). It’s not proportionate.

That sounds very sensible. Especially the other son.

I wouldn’t want to go back but might consider doing so if Eileen could guarantee that I wouldn’t need to see him again, but that seems unlikely

I am not sure about reporting to social services if you want to go back - I mean morally you should but I gather the son will not be happy if/when he finds out. It unfortunately doesn’t sound like the situation is bad enough for them to intervene.

he sounds like a bully and I would not want anything to do with him.

This sounds awful I am so sorry this happened - what you are describing sounds perfectly normal my lovely cleaner has worked with us for 7 years and we have loaned her some things e.g an umbrella or a book she wanted to read and visa versa she has lent me some sewing patterns. Everything is always returned!!

For me I would do 3 things

• adult safeguarding phone call
• police?? I would have this all documented and him spoken too
• UCAS he cannot just fire you if you have a formal contract

I think you may have to think about finding other work - if he is found to be abusive to him Mum he will be monitored or even charged (which is the right thing to do!!) you may not be safe going back into the house even if he is not there.

I would do this. It appears he is trying to isolate her.

He can’t sack you he’s not your employer. I’d phone her and ask what she’s planning on doing next. You will be owed money and a safe working environment.

Horrible situation. I think it's worth phoning Eileen too, and speaking to her about it at a time that you think the son is least likely to be around. But definitely talk to the other son.

Stop picking at nothing. Rude

1. Decide if you want to work there.
2. Call acas for advice either way.
3. Ask Eileen if she wants you to work there.

1. Refer to police or social services.

^^these steps because you're first priority is your own safety, then that of others.

I wouldn't involve the other brother at all personally. It undermines your position of only wishing to deal with Eileen as she is your employer if you then drag wider family into it. Safeguarding is the police or socials job.

Sounds like a plan.

My guess is that he is the one elder abusing his mum and scrounging off her and so he is transferring his guilt on to you.

I am sorry you had this horrible experience .Son sounds nasty and grabby.I would report to SS and not return .I wonder if he will be doing any thing for his Mum apart from snatching her cash?

WTF?

Are you the barrister?

OP, don’t let this go.

Constructive dismissal a possibility?

Id also report him to the police.

Excellent measured decisions!

Good luck!

Agreed.

Think we've found the 1% that voted YABU.

This. Her sons are nasty abusive bastards. That's a toxic working environment that you don't have to stay in, so don't fight to keep this job, but Eileen is a vulnerable person at risk and her sons cannot be trusted to have her best interests at heart.

Call the police and report his threatening and violent behaviour. Message your ex employer, tell her what you have said here and explain why obviously you won't be back.

I'm not sure I'd involve the other son, though you could certainly pass his number on to social services, but I like the rest

Another alternative would be to ask Eileen how she sees this working out, given that quite rightly you can never be in her son's company again. I'm just thinking that her own attitude to this might well inform your decision on how you want to handle it all ...

Why - because they might listen closely to what is spoken (or written) and ask questions when they don't understand or something seems a bit off to them? (In any case, OP didn't seem to have a problem clarifying)