Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

[SackedByaSpoon]

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

Oh stop it.

It doesn't sound like OP (or his mother) are safe there. So it's not a safe working environment for you, unfortunately. I would not want to go back to a property where this aggressive money-grubber is likely to be but appreciate there may be financial repercussions from losing your job so suddenly. Such a shame if you enjoyed the set up and had an otherwise good relationship with the employer.

I think she might have mentioned she'd like to leave you something in her will, so he wants you out.

Poor Eileen, he'll have her out of the house shortly. Local woman had a bully of a nephew who chased her out of her home and into assisted living. She took her dog, who wasn't allowed out of her room, poor Tamar. She rehomed him, and fell one morning injuring her neck terribly. She had to go into a nursing home and died shortly afterwards. Her nephew inherited her house and money but she did leave some to the friend who took Tamar.

This is such a Mumsnet response

Oh behave !!

Wonderful. Trust someone on here to start picking holes from the get go. I read that as the OP saying she's had ample opportunity to take valuable items in a number of roles, but she's honest and discreet.

I’m confused. If you were sacked how are you going back?

The son isn't her employer so he can't sack her.

I absolutely agree. The son is greedy and corrupt, and possibly unhinged. He may harm her by neglect at the very least.

Good advice.

If you have a contract and have worked for her for two years or more l would look into taking this to tribunal for unfair dismissal. I understand that this would be upsetting for Eileen, but l’m assuming she has full capacity to make her own decisions, so your contract was not with her son, it was with Eileen herself. He doesn’t have the authority to sack you, and his jibes and so called light hearted accusations over the years would be looked at in a very different light by a tribunal. Eileen would have to give evidence that you had her permission to take the spoon and her son would have to provide evidence that you had actually done any of the things he accused you of.

My first port of call would be to social services to report what happened. And it would be today. You need to tell them that there is a safeguarding issue - Eileen is vulnerable and he sounds like a bully - and tell them that Eileen is now without the care she clearly needs. And make a point of telling them about the remarks alluding to his mother spending his inheritance, because that speaks directly to whether he will try to stop her getting future care.

Secondly l would contact ACAS for advice as to whether what the son did was legal and if so, what recourse you have. He’s behaved very badly and very probably illegally OP. Don’t let him get away with it.

I would be calling 101 and askimg for advice, think about making a statement.
He accused you wrongly of theft twice, intimidated you and frightened you.
I would tell the police that you want this noted and ask to make a statement so his false accusation and threatening manner is on record.
I would be telling the other son and her family that you have reported him.
AFTER you have contacted adult services I would let them know that too.

He sounds likd a bully. He needs to be on Adult Services radar as he has abuser written all over him.

He thinks he can bully you.
Shine a huge light on him, his behaviour and report him.

Im so sorry that happened to you

I’d be careful he doesn’t make an allegation that you have stolen something, even if not true it will be more hassle, although you should be able to assert your rights sometimes it’s just better to walk away.

Adult services, take advice from a union and I would report him to the police. What an arsehole. What’s he doing to her when you’re not there? I’m so sorry, how frightening for you.

This is really good advice OP.

I think this is a good plan OP. I think you just need to calm down from the experience because, understandably it’s left you very shaken. When you contact social services, mention the jibes the son has made about his mother spending his inheritance. It might sound petty but in this circumstance it suggests he may try to force her to manage without the care she needs - he sounds very materialistic.

You need to contact ACAS fairly quickly and outline the whole situation to them. If you decide you don’t want to go back there is the question of pay and notice periods owed, and also references. And more importantly whether you can take any action for unfair dismissal. I doubt whether what he has done is legal if Eileen still retains capacity and manages her own affairs, so that would be the starting point. I also think that the advice from a PP upthread to report this incident to 101 and get it logged is an excellent idea. He was aggressive and accused you of theft with absolutely no evidence, and also very likely acted outside his authority. Get it logged - especially if there’s a chance you may go back.

Contacting the other son is a very good idea too. Explain the situation and confirm that you hadn’t taken anything without permission - it sounds as though you weren’t given an opportunity to explain, and Eileen was too upset to say anything at the time. I think l’d be tempted to tell number 2 son that you’re taking advice and considering legal action because you were unfairly dismissed and you consider number 1 son to have acted illegally. See what kind of a reaction that brings. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It does sound as though number 1 son is very materialistic and maybe he resents the relationship you have with his mother. It also sounds like he’s been looking for just such an opportunity. Stand your ground and don’t let him get away with it.

Agreed. Definitely report.
.

I would say, contact ACAS first. The consider contacting these solicitors, link is below. Cheap and cheerful. I would say it's constructive dismissal. Good luck and keep us posted. Disgusting behaviour https://www.monacosolicitors.co.uk/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Brand&utm_term=monaco%20solicitors&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=9700864290&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzt_FBhCEARIsAJGFWVl3GhI85AMzz-zC8G79Z0GRT1ja-g62IBpJDyzxlSHy_GmyxB0NxhYaAlM8EALw_wcB

Your plan is good. If I were you I would want reassurances that he will not be at the house before I would return to work. What a bully he is, and stupid - you were obviously returning the spoon. Definitely report him to the police and Social Services.

Omg, what a paranoid inference and a shitty thing to say

The oldest son is a really good guy and though I've only met him a few times, we have got along really well. He's traveling back to check on his mum (lives a few hours away).

Have tried acas but was stuck on hold so will try them again on the morning.

Have dropped an email with my concerns to adult social services for my area too.

I've decided I'm not going back to the house until I have an assurance he won't be there. I'm also going to ring Eileen later tonight to check on her when I'm sure he should be at work.

I would consider it unsafe for you to try to return. He sounds aggressive. I would contact adult social services about Eileen's safety.

He sounds unhinged, speak to her and see what she says.

Does the oldest son know what happened today? Please contact the police, I would be very worried about the safety of Eileen and control and financial abuse.