Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

[SackedByaSpoon]

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

Make sure you are paid redundancy money.

Many of us had guessed that something like this was going on, as you could see through our comments. I am sorry you lost this job, but I am glad for the old lady.

Well I hope you get a glowing reference and proper redundancy pay OP. Here's a link to calculate what redundancy pay you should be getting (assuming UK):
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-redundancy-pay

Hope they will pay you some redundancy when uou have to leave

Thank you for the update, I have been thinking about you.

It sounds like a pretty good resolution for both you and Eileen. Thank goodness elder son sounds like a sensible and responsible person, and is addressing the situation with younger son decisively. I think it's great that you've also got a grace period of work before you need to worry about your income. Well done for navigating the situation. In terms of your safety while packing up the house, do put a plan in place for your safety, when older son isn't present. Checking that the son isn't in the house and hiding when you arrive, making sure that you have thought through and planned escape routes for if he turns up, having your phone on your person at all times and police and elder son's phone numbers saved and easy to access.

I have experience of working in similar settings to your one and service users can be challenging to work with but the families can be more so. Some of them are very present and intent on picking fault and making complaints about everything. If they happen to live in the setting they can be jealous and territorial. This is probably what happened here. He wanted to just get rid of you. And the lady doesn't have any control over him. It's time for you to move on. But do make a Safeguarding referral

I'm sorry OP that you will be losing this position that you clearly enjoyed.

However, it's a big relief that this lady will be safe from this vile scheming son, with her other son. Thank goodness.

I I hope you're receiving full pay in lieu of notice, redundancy pay, and any holiday pay you're due.

I I hope you're receiving full pay in lieu of notice, redundancy pay, and any holiday pay you're due.

What a horrible thing to say.

Great that you spoke up and advocated for Eileen. Sounds like she will be looked after better by her eldest son. Also great that you will be there to help with the packing / move. 👍

“Flattered by a flu bug” made me smile. Hope you’re feeling better. 🐞

Contact her other son. If there is an issue with the bully, his brother needs to be aware.
Families can be the worst enemy. Family theft usually only comes to light When the parent passes on. It could very well be that this guy is covering his fraud by blaming you, if so then you need to cover your back.

I have personal experience. My bro stole my mothers house. A family friend passed away, her youngest daughter changed the locks and, being a kick boxer, drop kicked her sister when she attempted to gain entry.
Elder abuse Is Real

RTFT.

RTFT .... what does this mean. Sorry?

@Suecee15 it means 'Read The Full/Fucking Thread' - usually said when someone has jumped in to respond to the first post some 17 pages down the line, to advise the OP to do something they have already done.

There is a 'see all' option under the OP's posts - hit that, you get to see just their responses and can get a quick view of how a thread has moved on. Generally speaking its good internet etiquette to at least use this before replying.

Otherwise, by responding to just the original post many pages/days later, what you're doing is the equivalent of hearing a conversation in the pub, going home, coming back a week later and blurting out your contribution to that conversation, without any awareness or consideration of the fact the conversation may have moved on a touch.

This, unless the situation is resolved. Not for spite but to protect Eileen.

I like how mumsnet cancel my post for admonishing a foul mouthed rant by a stranger, but leave the foul mouthed rant online.
Nice one, NOT!

What's foulmouthed? You asked what an acronym meant and @WiddlinDiddlin explained. If you don't like their explanation, perhaps stay away from AIBU. There are no other expletives here.

Pity the child .... if thats a mother

Pity the child .... if thats a mother

He sounds like a nasty piece of work who was just looking for an excuse to isolate his mother.

Is that my post about “reading the full thread”? Given you didn’t actually read the OP’s posts, I felt it fair to point out because while your advice had merit, the situation had moved on considerably and there was a conclusion. Sorry if that offends 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it was mine, explaining what RTFT generally means. Suecee15 seems to have read it as me ranting for some reason, not sure why. There was a slight edge of snark but no rant there.

If by 'foul mouthed' you're objecting to me pointing out that the F in RTFT sometimes means 'Full' and sometimes means 'Fucking'... I really don't know what to say to you. Thats what some people mean by it. In the same way 'RTFM' means 'Read The Full/Fucking Manual'. They're interchangeable, some people mean one, some mean the other.

My curiosity is burning, to know what was in the deleted comments, they were gone by the time I returned to MN today, I didn't report them (I think I can now take a fair guess of course!).