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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

607 replies

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 02/09/2025 07:20

If you're not comfortable with her holding a newborn then its under supervision only, until baby is older

Duechristmas · 02/09/2025 07:21

Yes, she's 12, not 2

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 02/09/2025 07:22

She’s not a little kid - I think she’s more than capable of knowing how to hold a baby without being supervised every single time.

Strawberries86 · 02/09/2025 07:22

Visiting?

Crazybigtoe · 02/09/2025 07:24

I would expect a 12 year old to be capable of handling a newborn once taught what to do.

But if you feel nervous, then say something.

itsgettingweird · 02/09/2025 07:25

Visiting? That’s her home!

Also instead of being horrified a 12yo is unsure how to hold her baby birther correctly perhaps teach her? She’s 12. It’s great that she wants to bond with her brother when you only see her as a visitor.

itsobviousright · 02/09/2025 07:25

Its her baby sibling. Did she pick them up safely? If so, whats the issue? At 12, I'm sure she is competent enough to be trusted. Would it be such an issue if it was your own child that was the elder sibling?

BettysRoasties · 02/09/2025 07:26

She’s 12 surely after being shown she knows how to safely handle her little sibling.

Poor girl only visiting her dads house having to sneak a hold of her sibling.

Florally · 02/09/2025 07:27

I get where you’re coming from. I know 12 year olds I wouldn’t trust to hold a baby.

Feels a bit off to say visiting though OP

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 02/09/2025 07:29

Surely at 12 you teach her to pick her brother up carefully and support his neck. Maybe talk about why and when you pick him up, so for example not after someone has just taken half an hour to get him to sleep, etc. Unless she has needs you haven't mentioned she isn't a small child who may accidentally hurt him

BunnyRuddington · 02/09/2025 07:29

At 12 I was regularly left in charge of younger members of the family and friends DC. I would praise her for taking an interest and ask to show her how to pick him up safely and to change nappies. If you’re FFing she can be involved in feeding too. If you’re BFing she could help you to make some BFing friendly snacks like flapjacks. She does need to be included in her DSibling’s life, this is a huge change for her.

purpleme12 · 02/09/2025 07:30

Yes yabu

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:30

Visiting, staying with us, it was a quick and to the point post. The living arrangements we have really make no difference to this post

OP posts:
itsobviousright · 02/09/2025 07:30

So teach her, but have a little chat about picking up when you're not around/safety rules

beAsensible1 · 02/09/2025 07:31

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

Why? You’ve not let her hold her brother at all.

it seems she was trying to bond in private. Poor thing.

sit her on the sofa and show her how, people do it with toddlers ffs.

IlovePhilMitchell · 02/09/2025 07:32

What would you do if it was your own 12 year old daughter? Do that.

If your answer isn’t support her to hold and care for her brother than it’s the wrong answer.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:33

@beAsensible1 what on earth are you on about? I have said she holds her brother regularly. Which to add she has not felt confident with and has asked up to take him off when she doesn’t want to anymore.
The issue is picking him up and out of the bassinet, which to the above point doesn’t fill me with confidence.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 02/09/2025 07:34

If your second post is saying she had done something wrong but you hadn't said anything, this is a bit weird. Cos surely that would be the time to say 'oh we do it like that.'

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 02/09/2025 07:34

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

So maybe one of you should take the time to teach her, rather than trying to enforce a ban?

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:35

@IlovePhilMitchell the rules for my son are the same and he is 11… until the baby is more able to support himself

OP posts:
Notmyreality · 02/09/2025 07:35

So you’ve never shown her the correct way to do it? And youre surprised she does it wrong?

MyAcornWood · 02/09/2025 07:35

Why wouldn’t you be trying to support her and teach her how to safely hold her brother, rather than stopping her from holding him unless you’re hovering over her like she was a toddler?

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:36

@MyAcornWood again as I’ve said she’s able to hold him whenever she wants we just put her into a safe position
I also said we leave her with him while we are doing stuff?

OP posts:
dippy567 · 02/09/2025 07:37

Babies are pretty resilient, i wouldn't worry too much. Was baby ok after the 'incident'? If yes, sounds like no problem...

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