DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Show her how to pick up and put down the baby safely. Then say if baby needs picking up you are happy for her to do this but would like her to fetch an adult first until baby's neck is stronger. Then give her a hug .....

You've given mixed messages, not shown her how to do it, and now you're cross.

She's 12 not 2. Same with your son, educate them. How will they ever know how to pick up babies otherwise?

I’d be horrified if my son had done the same, however I could have a word with him without causing upset or embarrassment.

@Mischance thanks good advice

So get her dad to talk to her.

‘Horrified’ is such a ridiculous overreaction.

You clearly don’t think you’re being unreasonable so why have you bothered posting?

@TookTheBook where did I mention how long it was for? I was folding clothes in a room next door

At 12 most people are capable of being shown how to safely pick up a baby, show her how to safely do it, also teach her other baby care routines if she’s showing interest as it’s a good sign she’s bonding.

I think you're very dramatic using the word horrified 🙄 and there's no need to cause upset or embarrassment - just explain to your SD and show her how to pick up the baby.

Just show her. Why’s that embarrassing?

a 12 year old is surely capable of picking up a newborn safely? Kindly, if you are “horrified” then stop leaving the baby unsupervised. do you have PND or something? Your reaction is a massive overreaction and not normal.

At 9 had a 3yo and a newborn sibling - I held them, fed them and changed their nappies/babygros. In many countries over histories 12yo have even had their own newborns…

I think you need to make sure she understands how to hold a baby or ask her not to hold them unsupervised until they are a little older if you feel there is a likelihood of intentional harm… and not leave the baby alone in that case.

To be fair, I’d say “teach her how to do it safely” if she was the OP’s bio child too!

I think people were just put off by words like visiting, and mentioning the 11 yo would have helped to show baby is not your pfb - although the answer is also “teach him how to lift baby safely too”.

Horrified, really?

My 8yo knows how to pick up newborns.

I can understand why the poor child might feel upset and embarrassed in this context- if such an innocent, harmless act could invoke such “horror” in her step mum. She must feel like she’s walking on eggshells. 😔

Why haven't you shown her how to do it properly. That is a major oversight on your part and it should have been done the day you brought the baby home.

Yes this. Short of actually shaking the baby or leaving him upright and completely unsupported for a long period of time, his head isn’t going to suddenly fall off.

@Blessthismess2 yes I’m the wicked evil step mother that treats all children differently.

it’s one rule for all in our house.

that includes waiting for LO to be older before moving him around. Ask us to hold him, not a problem. Anything else we’ve agreed we do ourselves.

i understand the suggestion around feeding, but our midwife advised to keep feeding to just the two of us, to save confusion and make sure LO is clear who does that. Lots have changed in 11 years so it’s COMPLETELY different to having children 2 years apart

A whole thread on a 12yo not knowing how to pick up her brother properly when it could have been solved by the OP and the DSDs father just teaching her 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Have we really got to the point where teaching skills isnt the first thing people think to do to solve a problem?!

@Thedoorisalwaysopen we don’t want any of the kids moving him around, so didn’t feel it necessary to show anyone as we weren’t expecting to have to. Once he can keep his head up, no issues move the little monster wherever pleases you

Lol at "delicate".
Newborns get passed around dozens of family members in other cultures, pass the parcel. Tiny children will look after them and carry them around the village, while mum's busy.
It's hard to break a newborn which is why those that do have generally done it on purpose and end up in prison.

I think 12 is a perfectly ok age to be picking a baby up. I'd be regularly babysitting for aunties at this age!!

What i would do is ask her to do it in front of you the first few times to ensure shes doing it properly

100% this

I have a 12yo girl and she absolutely could be trusted once shown safely.
Show her op, you might find the help useful.

Why are you allowing her hold the baby unsupervised, crossing boundaries.
She either helps or she doesn't.
Some 12 year olds are naturally good with babies, my 16 year old, wouldn't have any interest, she wouldn't know how to lift a baby.
At 4 weeks old, I wouldn't like her lifting the baby.